"Sometimes the child in one behaves a certain way and the rest of oneself follows behind, slowly shaking its head."
Niels Henrik David Bohr
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A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that [blip] cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
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A vet gets a midnight phone call from a farmer. "I`ve got a very constipated cow - been like it for days, it`s in great pain, what can I do?"
Sleepy vet, knackered after working all day and all evening, says: "If you`ve got one of those small bottles of highly concentrated milk of magnesia, get that down it and I`ll call you in the morning to see how it is."
Next morning the vet rings: "How`s the constipated cow this morning?"
"Cow?" says the farmer. "I said cat."
"Oh goodness," says the vet, "did you give it the concentrate?"
"Yes, I got the whole bottleful down its throat, I used a small funnel."
"Oh boy!," says the vet. "how is the cat?"
"It`s out in the garden."
"Dead I suppose?" said the vet.
"Goodness no," said the farmer, "it`s out there with four of his mates, two digging and two filling in."
We'll see if that one stays in.
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The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.
They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.
People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings:
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
At last the bears aren't constipated.
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A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me - it's this horse. What is he - deaf or something?"
The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"
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"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." --Bruce Graham
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." -- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"
"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."
"Dogs have owners....cats have a staff".
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
Did you know 9 out of 10 people surveyed prefer weekends to work days?
That 10th person, is my boss.
So, I'm off to see the Wizzard.
The wonderful Wizzard of Work.
You know......that stuff just pops into my head.
I think there must be a wacky thought wizzard too.
He keeps hitting me on the head with his wand.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Quit while you're ahead....
acebook
Boomers and I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday. 
Soot, enjoy your weekend. JennyP, 
to your mum. Hugs to you and Pepper. 
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