The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and p*** into that waste basket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and p*** all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

I keep telling you! Don’t Mess with Old People!!

funneee - Good for you Gramps - you not only bamboozled IRS but lawyer too. Sometimes we win all the bets.

Funny. Not exactly what I did, but I got a lot of pleasure out of MY civil disobedience.

Seems I owed the IRS exactly $3.15 cents. Dunno why the cents, but that's what it was. I wrote the check, stapled it to the form and mailed it in. Later I get an angry (not kidding) letter saying I didn't pay and demanding payment. So I called the IRS told them THEY lost the check,(they obviously got the return form), and it was so little that seemed silly. They told me it was no joke, I had better pay or they would come after me. For $3.15??? Yup.

So I took 3 one-dollar bills and a dime and nickle and stapled and taped (liberally) to a piece of cardboard and mailed them in. Never heard another word from them so it must have gotten through this time. Sometimes it's good to 'get even'.

Thanks that is a good one!

Katbear