"It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago." --
Jim
Poor misguided Jim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hilarious SignsOver a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of blondes in a class at New Mexico State University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walked away.
After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed. "Isn't that just like a dumb man engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when
communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a
jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command
station.
When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered
their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward
and shook my father's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as he
pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.
"Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby
girl."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were 3 construction workers working on a bridge. During lunch break the following happens:
The 1st guy says "Spaghetti!!! If I have Spaghetti one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself."
The 2nd guy says "Salami!!! If I have Salami one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself too."
The 3rd guy says "Turkey!!! If I have Turkey one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself as well."
The next day...
The 1st guy opens his lunch box. "Oh nooooo! Spaghetti!!!!". So he jumps off the bridge and kills himself.
The 2nd guy opens his lunch box "Oh shoot! Salami!!!!" and he too jumps off the bridge and kills himself.
The 3rd guy opens his lunch box "Aaaaaaaaarghhh Turkey!!!! and he also jumps off the bridge and kills himself.
Later the 1st guy's wife mourns, "If I would have known that he didn't like Spaghetti, I wouldn't have cooked it for him."
The 2nd guys Wife says crying, "If I would have known that he hated Salami, I wouldn't have given it to him."
The 3rd guys wife says eyes full tears, "I just don't get it, I just don't get it, he always packed his own lunch...."
I like spaghetti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Dogs lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play they want to play.
When you want to be alone they want to play.
They are great at begging.
They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
I resemble that remark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
I'M GOING BACK TO WORK AGAIN!!
Hi ho........just kidding, I'm not that senile.
I would love to see the Nile someday though.
Traveling to Egypt is just a dream I have.
I'm hoping I don't dream so much tonight though. I was pretty tired yesterday.
I think I worked too hard.
I work today at 6:30.
Hi ho, hi ho..............
I'm kidding. I'm not that senile.
Have any of you seen the Nile?
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
acebook
witter
To all awake, 
Good thing in more ways than one, too, as a certain co-worker who just thinks he's a manager is starting to drive me crazy. 
. 
to Sam. I love the doggie pics. 
Darlene, enjoy your busy day. Venus, good luck on the job training. Cailyn, I'm glad you could sleep a little later this morning. Blsbet, I'll join you for the marathon. Thanks for the goodies. JennyP, I hope there is some shopping in your day. L4L and Soot, I'm glad Sktwalker can go out now. 
Previous Topic
Index