"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone."
Anthony Burgess
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath "Married!" and walking away.

Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory.

We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.


Ah ha! Devious women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A college student wrote a letter home, "Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son, Richard.

P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back. But it was too late."

A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"


Someone's lying here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Business Sign in the Window:


"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"


This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business... and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back. But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement...
We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer: A Funeral Home!
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)


What a business. People are dieing to get in.

Personally, it's the last place I want to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in
his company He wanted to find out something about her personality
so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone,
living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."



The funeral home might make an exception here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when - all of a sudden - a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

"Ooh -- can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."


I'll bet he's sorrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."


Man! Where did they get my evaluations????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand. The data is later entered later by a into their database by a clerk. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the clerk called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the clerk entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Congratulations on graduating from "M Day"!

Now if you just keep graduating day by day, you'll gradually make it to the weekend.

Personally I hope I flunk Tuesday, and have to do it over.

I've got "homework" I have to do, but I don't plan on doing anything at all for extra credit.

We'll see how that flys.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Howdy ho, Joe! Funny openers! Have a happy day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's Totallygettingintoenjoyingatremendouslyticklishandtemptinglytubular Tuesday!

Still Monday evening for me....

Enjoyed a great evening with Mum. She's a joy...

These brown ones are getting heavy, so....

To all abed, To all awake,

Thanks for the openers, Joe. I especially liked the neutered cat one. Hope you have a great day!

Glad you had such a wonderful evening with your mom, Darlene! Sleep well.

It's Monday night for me as well. I have plans to go out with my friend tomorrow - that's the good news. The bad news is that we still have no water pressure in our apartment, which means we can't take showers, flush our toilet, etc. We've had these surprise water shut offs before, but I've never known them to last so long. So tomorrow morning, I plan on calling the management to find out what's going on.

If I'm really lucky, I won't have to because our water will be working in the morning. Here's hoping, right?

Okay, I'm off to sleep. Have a fantastic day, everyone!

EDIT: My fiance just told me the water's working again! Let's see how long it lasts this time. :clown:

Happy Morning Boom Boom Buddies

Thanks for the Funny jokes Joe

Hi Darlene. glad you had a super nice time with your Mom

Hi Venus Happy to hear you got your water back finally!!
now you don't have to lick yourself clean

Hi Mary I'm so sorry to hear about your cousins Mom
saying *Prayers* for him & Family How are you doing?

Hi Nan I'm doing fine, Bella's been doing her
Kentucky Derby tryouts around the house! she's got spring fever! How are
you & Miss Sassy doing? do you have any cats or
any other dogs?

Hey ya Ana Love the opposum! he's cute did all your pretty ice melt?

I wish all my Boomer buddies a very nice day~Karen

Good morning Joe,Darlene,Venus,Karen,and all who come in after me.Rain has finally stopped the dogs we're happy to go out this morning and not get soaked I hope every ones day is a good one :leprechaun:

:StPats:Good Morning Joe, Darlene, venus, Karen and Cailyn. Joe I don't want to repeat a day. Gotta go forward. Darlene you are so lucky to have your Mum with you. Venus I hope you get your water back asap! Karen how are you and your sis doing? Cailyn it is suppose to be around 60 degrees today and sunny. I think spring has sprung a week early! Have a good one Boomers! :StPats:

Morning to all lovely Boomers. Didn't think I'd make it but I'm here. Had to wear my thigh-high boots. Mud puddles everywhere.

Handsome Hubby came home early yesterday. There was about 5 feet of water in the parking lot and loading dock. Nothing could get done. So ... instant afternoon off. He was a very happy camper although you won't get him to admit it

Ko gotta go. Errands to run.
*blsbet44 walking out the door with fashionable rain gear and a flourescent orange life preserver*

Good morning all my diner buddies. Joe, enjoy your day off. Ana, we once had an opposum have babies in our utility room behind the washer. Darlene, enjoy your time with your mom. Venus, I hope your water stays on. Kat, we had a really cold winter. Second coldest ever. :shiver: L4L and Soot, I'm glad Soot is improving. JennyP, shoppity shop. Karen, how are you and your sis doing? Cailyn and Gerry, I hope spring has sprung for you both. Blsbet, how are you today? I want to wish all here and all who come in later a Super Tuesday. Our new kitty's name is Bella. She has picked hubby out as her special person. She slept next to him and didn't get up until he did. She is a really sweet kitty. I think we will work in the yard and green house today. Still more dead plants to dispose of. Blueberry muffins in the NC. :niceday:

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for all you do to entertain us.

Darlene, sleep well!

Venus, good luck with the water.

Karen, enjoy the coffee this morning.

Cailyn, have a wonderful day.

Gerry, enjoy the weather.

Blsbet, make some mud pies.

Connie, congrats on the the new little addition to your family.

Wishing everyone a great day.

Sun is shining. Woo Hoo. What a difference a day makes (or a week). Got a doctor's appointment this morning. Guess to see if the glue is still holding my knee in. See everyone later on.

Good morning and welcome to Tuesday. I can understand you wanting a do-over Joe since you are off, but I will try to keep going forward to the weekend. You can always use your time travel and go back.

New project here, I have to get tons of paperwork done to petition for a public hearing. So I will be traveling to surrounding businesses to get support and going to the village hall to go through records and such. Yea me. Did I ever mention I'm an accountant? You wouldn't know it, would ya?
Oh, I also have to go to the parts place for our tools and get more parts. I was supposed to do that yesterday and ran out of time.
Yesterdays roadtrip was to the courthouse which was a calamity of errors but turned out well in the end, so I guess that's all that matters. One thing for sure, I'm never bored.

ugh, auditors are here, be back

Good morning. Well, we finally have sun. I'm lovin it. Gail isn't it glorious? Thanks Joe for the openers. Where did those evaluations come from I wonder? Pretty dreadful.

Morning Darlene. Give your Mom a hug from all of us. You must be in heaven. You are truly blessed.

Morning Venus. Here's hoping your water stays on now.

Hi Karen, I'm wishing you a great Tuesday as well.

Morning Sue, Gerry, bisbet and Connie. Oooh blueberry muffins....thanks.

Well, now that we have sun again I can get my errands done. Exercise in a minute. Anyone going me? Aw come on boomies. Bet you haven't done any exercising in 3 days, at least the ones who have been stuck in their homes for 3 days because of all the rain. Boy, am I glad I'm out of my old house. They must have a flooded cellar big time.

Midgei

Good moaning everyone.

I stayed up until 3:00 and then had trouble falling asleep.

Shouldn't have taken that nap I guess.

Did I mention I am......

Not sure what I'll do today. Probably nap some more. :haha:

It's a very cloudy day here, and I don't think I want to get out and do my homework.

I may flunk Tuesday after all.

joe

'Morning, again, 'Boomies!

Howdy, venus, Karen, Cailyn, Gerry, blsbet, Connie, Gail, Ana, Midgie, and Joe!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Good morning to everyone.

Oh yes I have been exercising Midgie.

Oops, gotta go look and see what Karen was talking about Ana's opposum. Be back.

Ah yes. We have one of those living under our gazebo. Bill has been feeding him, said he looks kind of skinny. The dogs go bongos whenever it is warm enough to go out there.

Hey Ana, does Vooju Island remind you a little bit like Vampyre Story? Yeah, it is a fun and funny game.

Midgie, I think you stole our sun. Give it back please.

I guess I need to figure out what I am going to do today.

Everyone have a great day.

Bets

Terrific Tuesday ya'll

I'm up, and today I'm gonna stay up! I have taken the dogs all out for a quick walk...not nearly as much fun for them as going to the park, but easier on me (I think). I took Skywalker first, then Keoki and Seagy together, and then Keoki with Lil Soot. I remembered to put the back pack on the Sootifer to help tire him out. Of course, we'd have to walk much further than we did to tire him out, but at least it was better than nothing.

Our neighborhood is not good for walking...no sidewalks and lots of cars that zoom up and down the roads. But hey, it was a bit of a walk and they enjoyed it.

It's a gorgeous day out there..bright blue skies and sunny... in the 60's now and heading toward 70.

I'm going to pretend today is Monday as I slept all day (and I do mean all day) yesterday. I was afraid I would be up all night...but no....slept like a log. I guess I was tired.

As I was coming back from my walk with the wee one, Ex Dil showed up unannounced with the youngest child. I wonder what she would have done if she had not seen me out walking?

Anyway, she dropped Cullen off to take the Per to Chuck E Cheese and apparently, that takes from 8:30 til 5:00 p.m.

Joe, I have to laugh at your quote as I kept waking myself up yesterday snoring I didn't intend to sleep all day so I didn't put on my CPAP, and every few minutes I'd wake myself up.

Darlene, how did those brown eyes sleep?

Venus, those water shortages sound strange. I think I'd be asking for some rent money back.

DocBoomBoom, there you are. How's life? How's your sister? How's Mo? Do you still have the mean horse there?

Cailyn, I'm so glad the rain has stopped for you. Are you off to the gym?

Gerry, I love spring! I hope you get out to enjoy it.

Blsbet, which tiara goes with the orange life preserver and the thigh highs?

Connie, how old is Bella? What kind of kitty? Where did you get her?

Gail, hope you get a great report from the doc.

Ana, I love your point of view! I hope the day goes well.

Midgy, are getting out to enjoy the sun?

Bets, did you figure out what to do today yet? How is the eye?

ohmt! joe and nan - you crack me up !
no,nan- it doesn't "stick out"


anyway,the sun is out today! and i overslept 'cos it was quuiet for a change,so i neeed to grab a shovel and head for the salt mine.

have the most wonderful day you can,people !

Darlene I hope your day is a good one.

Bets I'm still trying to decide what to do with myself today.

L4L why can't you take all the dogs out together? :haha:

Good morning Niteowl. Last night I was the niteowl, and I'm feeling it now a bit.

I never stay up that late. Sheesh!

joe

Great jokes again Joe. Of course the blonde ones are my favorite. "Living or dead? hehehe".

Warm wonderful day again. Birds are singing, gnats are buzzing, bees making honey. You get the idea.

Tomorrow my friend and I go to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. Gonna be fun to see all the wild guys. Hope my leg and back survive.

Gotta go count outdoorsies. Since the time change, they are arriving at odd times since we can't seem to get on 'schedule'. I'll have to adjust for them I guess.

Niteowl, hope the salt mines are fun. Keep an eye out for the 7 dwarves

Joe, I do take them all when we go to the park, but I wasn't sure what/how Skywalker would do, and the last time I took Lil Soot in our neighborhood, he totally panicked so I was trying to take them in manageable groups as folks speed down this road like it's not a dead end. You couldn't pay me to live in the house at the end of the road.

Sorta, are the kitties as confused with the time change as I am?

I am soooo tired! Son is sick and tossing his cookies, so I have the 7 month old......there is a reason I had my kids when I was still young. I've been looking but I can't find the "off" switch

Hi L4L, yup the outdoorsies especially are still on the old time schedule and show up looking confused when they hear the cat food can opening. Then they stand there looking at the food. Guess I might have to feed them later for awhile, but my schedule is to get up, get showered and dressed, feed the indoorsies and then feed the outdoorsies. How dare they mess with MY schedule?

In other news, my mailman delivered my NEW ceramic cartridge faucet stems for my awesome kitchen faucet that was leaking and for which I went through a bad experience with a stupid plumber. Not all plumbers are stupid, most are really good, but this guy, sigh. Anyway, I now have 2 lovely brand new shiny replacements (one hot one cold) so if the faucet starts leaking again, I'll be ready. Ahhhh life is good, and NO charge. They just wrote down warranty. I guess it has one, but I never looked at it. Who ever knew there was a warranty on a faucet? This is a first for me.

Last outdoorsie finally showed up. He munched, got his petting and disappeared. Such is life.

I'm cooking teriyaki chicken for lunch. Got a frozen bag with sauce and added fresh veggies. Oh so good. Now I must find some rice.

Still a glorious day and love the warm, dry Santa Ana that's blowing in.

Wow the Willow's are budding!!! Next time I head out I'll try to remember the camera and et some pics.

The snow is gone cept for a few places the sun don't shine. Lots of mud in places too but good walking!! Me and Sassy went about 3 miles already.

Joe have ya found anything to do yet?? Are ya off again or do you close? have a good day and thanks for the laughs.

Darlene so glad you are enjoying your mom. There are days I miss mine but no regrets as I did see her everyday when she was here.

Ana sounds like a run around day for ya. ahope all goes fairly well and ya find all the things ya need to.

Are the clouds there too today?? Our sun headed east I guess and by the weekend it will be reality check. with highs only of 30.

Venus I hope the water stays on no and the problem has been fixed. Have fun with your friend!!

Midge I been walking does that count??? Have fun with the errands and glad the sun is out.

Gail best of luck at the docs! Enjoy the sun. I'm sure the dogs will.

Karen Sassy is enjoying the nice Spring like weather we have been having. Hope it has been nice there too.

Niteowl glad that it don't stick out like a sore thumb. Hope the salt mines are kind to you.

L4l how interesting. So that must mean you are babysitting the little one for her so she can play. Have fun.


Nan

It's a lovely 57 degrees out. Tired as I am, I just can't say no to the dogs so we'll be off to the park when I get home.

It's been a day of scrambling to get neglected papers off my desk since I'm so distracted doing other things.

Nan, the sun ended up coming out with blue skies today. They are calling for snow flurries this weekend so I'll be taking advantage of the great weather while it's here.

<sigh> gotta run

Ana have fun at the park. The dogs will love ya for it. We hit 54 and the sun peeks out once in awhile.

I hear ya about getting out now well it is so nice. Did a lot of extra walking yesterday as we made it to 61!!

Send the papers here I'll get rid of them for ya.


Nan

It is a beautiful 58 degrees here today Boomers. I am going to chase the doggies. Have a great evening!

Back from thrifting. I figured the stores would be cool and nice since the temperature on my deck is now 84. Wow. Just last week it was in the 50's.

Found a lovely wood, Hop Ching Chinese Checker board for one dollar. That was a steal. I decorate the walls in my pantry with old game boards (especially wooden ones) so this will be really nice.

Outdoorsies are sacked out on the deck staying cool. I don't think they can figure out the sudden temperature change either. Maybe they should put their fur coats in cold storage?

Hello everyone..home from a great day at work and have bible study tonight before calling it a day. Sure hope you all have a quiet evening and an even better night's rest.

Hello everyone.

It's been a perfectly lazy day here, and I didn't do a darned thing. :clown:

Now I'm ready to sit and relax for the evening. :haha:

I hope you all had a great day. :StPats:

I do have to do one thing. I have to go shower. Can't go to work tomorrow not smelling like a Lilley.

joe

Home, again...

Off to find dinner...

Taking a break for a sec. I'm watching Lost. Anybody else watching it?

Soot how's your back today? Joe glad you had a relaxing day today.

Oops, the ads over. Back to Lost....

Midgie

Now it is time to take the dogs out.

I managed to play The Hobbit, take the dogs for a walk, did my treadmill, (didja hear that Midge?), fixed lunch, dinner, played a casual game will Bill and and and........that's it I think. Boy, I am tired just thinking about it.

So on that note, I shall close off for the night. See y'all tomorrow. 9 a.m. vet appointment first.

Bets

Midgie, my hubby watches it, I listen.

I walked the dogs today and everyone was there. It was 64 degrees. I found some buds on the bushes too. How exciting, it's a new beginning. I love to watch everything start to blossom.

Joe, sounds like a relaxing day, you must have needed one.

It's gametime for me, and laundry folding shortly. Where does the day fly to? Here are a few of todays pics.

Here is my buddy Max on our road trip today.

Burning the preserves around the dog park.

First bud I found.

Awwww Ana, Max is such a sweetie.

Do they burn those preserves every year?

I'm watching NCIS and thinking longingly of bed. I do think I shall be there soon.

The labrigator is playing with Lil Soot. We had to have some stern words a bit ago about No Mouth on Mommy!

Max is my buddy L4L, he loves just hanging out wherever. He just woke up in the picture, he sleeps when we are on the expressway and then wakes up when you slow down.

They burned these last year also, I'm not sure of their criteria for burning because usually it's to get rid of the underbrush that can feed fires.

Are you baby free now? Is son feeling better?
is Sky liking his outings now that he can go out in public?

Around here folks burn their lawns in the spring--I hate it as it hurts my asthma

Yepper, baby free now--mom showed up around 4 p.m. Son is off to work... he's not feeling well, but the ex must be paid.

Sky does like to go out and is very good. Now I just have to be better about taking them. I miss Soot on these outings

My Stormi was a great car dog...she curled up in the passenger's side leg space and would stay there for a long time...hours and hours. When it was cold enough, I'd take her to school/work with me. You'd never know she was there unless you came up and started messing with the car, and then 100 lbs of lab would emerge.

Solo loved the passenger side seat,and was always a happy boy to go for a ride. For awhile we had a seat belt that we used with him. I need to go get one for Lil Soot to keep him in one place when the car is going.

We are training Sky to go back in the leg space.

Hi Bets. I did hear that. Good for you. I'm saying good night as well. Today I took a trip to my chiropractor and got somethings done near my old stomping grounds. Got a lot done.

Night all.

Midgie

Hi Ana, L4L, & Midge.

I can't even say what I did with the last hour & a half, but I ain't no tireder so it must not have been very strenuous.

Is tireder a word??

I guess it is now.

I have a 6:30 roll call tomorrow. I guess I don't get a do over on Tuesday.

I'd do it over in my machine, but the rubber band broke. Gotta get a new one ASAP.

I don't believe Lowes carries rubber bands.

Anyway I'd better get it started.

joe

Night everybody!! Time to find my pillow. Sleep well and pleasant dreams.


Nan