"The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed."
Bennett Alfred Cerf
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Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told the misses that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, considering my drunken state, to have escaped a possible conflict.
The next morning, the misses asked me what time I got in, so I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! She then said that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she explained, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'dang it,' cuckooed another 4 times, belched, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed twice, then giggled."
She cleaned his clock didn't she?
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
They're cheaper by the dozen.
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The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.
Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
* * *
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room
* * *
Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.
* * *
Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.
* * *
Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
* * *
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on it.
Is this the party to whom I'm speaking?
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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read. "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said excitedly, "I know! I know! He said, 'Holy Smokes! A talking pig!'"
That one made me wee wee wee all the way home.
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Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, three men were annoyed because the nuns' habits partially blocked their view. They decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.
In a very loud voice the first guy said, "I think I'll move to Utah because there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana because there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I might go to Idaho because there are only 25 nuns living there."
One of the nuns turned around, and in a calm, sweet voice said, "Why don't you go to hell - there aren't any nuns living there!"
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Well good morning everybody.
That would be, (and is), good
"mourning" to moi.
Back to work you know.
I know
I'm thrilled.
Pink is not really Lowe's colors, but it'll fit right in to leading the Lowe's cheer.
GIMME AN "L"!!!!!
They don't ask me to lead anymore since I started the last one with
"GIMME AN H"!! :haha:
Have a happy day y'all.
I will too.
joe
acebook
witter
To all awake, :StPats:
Darlene, give your mom a hug for me. Cailyn, thanks for the goodies. Karen, good luck at the DRs. Gerry, good morning and Happy St. Patty's day to you. :StPats: L4L, Bella is a 2 year old black and white cat. We got her from animal control. She is a very sweet lap cat. 
Soot, I hope you are feeling better. Gail, I'm glad the knee is doing good. Blsbet, have a good day. Have a Wonderful St. Patty's day everyone. We are going to dinner with SIL tonight. We are going to make this an every other week date. Cinnamon buns in the NC. :niceday: :leprechaun:
May work go well and fly!
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