"The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed."
Bennett Alfred Cerf
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told the misses that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, considering my drunken state, to have escaped a possible conflict.

The next morning, the misses asked me what time I got in, so I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! She then said that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she explained, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'dang it,' cuckooed another 4 times, belched, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed twice, then giggled."


She cleaned his clock didn't she?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."


They're cheaper by the dozen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

* * *

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

* * *

Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.

Operator : Where are you calling from?

Caller : The living room

* * *

Caller : The water board please.

Operator : Which department?

Caller : Tap water.

* * *

Operator : How are you spelling that?

Caller : With letters.

* * *

Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.

Operator : Do you have his name?

Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.

* * *

Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.

Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

* * *

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on it.


Is this the party to whom I'm speaking?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read. "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said excitedly, "I know! I know! He said, 'Holy Smokes! A talking pig!'"

That one made me wee wee wee all the way home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, three men were annoyed because the nuns' habits partially blocked their view. They decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice the first guy said, "I think I'll move to Utah because there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana because there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I might go to Idaho because there are only 25 nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, and in a calm, sweet voice said, "Why don't you go to hell - there aren't any nuns living there!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well good morning everybody.

That would be, (and is), good "mourning" to moi.

Back to work you know.

I know I'm thrilled.

Pink is not really Lowe's colors, but it'll fit right in to leading the Lowe's cheer.

GIMME AN "L"!!!!!

They don't ask me to lead anymore since I started the last one with "GIMME AN H"!! :haha:

Have a happy day y'all.

I will too.

joe

Howdy ho, Joe! Ahhh, too funny! :haha: Hope your work day goes easy peasy.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's Howdydoodyhunkydoreyhumptydumptyoompaloompahiptydipty Hump Day!

Still Tuesday evening for me...

Nice dinner and NCIS with Mama and Hubby. Now, Hubby is doing paperwork and Mama is watching TV, anything forensic.

So....

To all abed, To all awake, :StPats:

Top of the morning to you Joe,Darlene :StPats:and all who follow me into the Diner this morning Coffee and Irish Bread for Breakfast,Cornbeef and Cabbage for lunch!Have a great day every one :leprechaun:

Happy Humpy Hump day Boom Boom Butties

Joe you are wayyy too funny I loved the one that
made you go wee-wee all the way home~

Hi Darlene I hope you have a nice Hump day~
does your Mom like NCIS too? :StPats:

Hi Cailyn How are you today? are ya feeling a wee bit Irish
today it's me Lucky Charms, there Magicly delious! :StPats:

I wish all my Boomer Buddies a nice, Great, Good, Happy,
Fantastic, Wonderful, Cheerful Humpy kind of day
I have a Dr appt today to tell him about the million and
one things that are wrong with my body


Here's COFFEE & Blackberry Muffins for everyone!!

is everyone wearing Green,,,,or do I get to pinch you??heehee

:StPats: :leprechaun:Good Morning and Happy St Patty's Day Joe, Darlene, Cailyn, Karen and all my boomer buddys! :leprechaun::StPats:

Good morning all my Diner buddies. Joe, I hope you find a rubber band for your time machine. Ana, I love the pic of Max. Darlene, give your mom a hug for me. Cailyn, thanks for the goodies. Karen, good luck at the DRs. Gerry, good morning and Happy St. Patty's day to you. :StPats: L4L, Bella is a 2 year old black and white cat. We got her from animal control. She is a very sweet lap cat. Soot, I hope you are feeling better. Gail, I'm glad the knee is doing good. Blsbet, have a good day. Have a Wonderful St. Patty's day everyone. We are going to dinner with SIL tonight. We are going to make this an every other week date. Cinnamon buns in the NC. :niceday: :leprechaun:

*yawn* Morning Boomers
Thanks joe for the Directory jokes

Goodnight Darlene. See you in the A.M.

Morning cailyn. Finally a dry day ?

Hey Doc! Hope you have a very healthy appt!

Hi Kaki. Shopping today?

Hey connie have fun at dinner with SIL

I'm going to visit my little buddy. He likes to dress himself now. Problem is the underwear is usually on the outside and the jacket is upside-down.

Ta Ta. Breakfast time

Good morning. I'm sleepy this morning. I just couldn't get to sleep last night. I think I finally dozed off about 1:00 AM. Way too late for me. Joe you crack me up. Thanks again for the chuckles.

Morning Darlene. How's your Mom today? What a great thing to have her with you for so long. Hugs my friend.

Morning Sue, Karen, Gerry, Connie, and bisbet. I hope everyone has a great St Patrick's Day. :leprechaun: :StPats: :niceday:

Good morning Joe, Darlene, Cailyn, Karen, Gerry, Connie, blsbet, and Midge! Hope all of you have a fantastic day!!

Midge, I know how you feel. I had the same problem last night, but I wasn't able to get to sleep until around two, and then I woke up half an hour before my alarm was set. Hope we both feel more awake soon.

Okay, I have to whoosh. Had a fantastic time with my friend yesterday, but today it's back to work. Opening today, which is good. Perhaps I'll take a nap when I get home.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!

EDIT: Oops, almost forgot. Happy St. Patrick's Day!! :StPats:

Good Morning Joe, Darlene, venus, Midgie, Blsbet, Connie, Gerry, Doc and Sue.

Doc, I hope your doctor appt goes well and they can make you feel better.

Ana

Ah, Karen, I skimmed through the posts too quickly and missed the fact that you have a doctor's appointment today. Hope all goes well and you are feeling better in no time!!!

Okay, really have to whoosh off for sure this time. See everyone later today!

:leprechaun:

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a nice workday.

Darlene, glad you and your mom enjoy TV together.

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee and Irish Bread.

Karen, lets have a super duper game day?

Gerry, have a great day.

Blsbet, have fun visiting your little buddy,

Midge, maybe you can take a nap today and catch up on your sleep?

Venus, hope you have an easy workday.

Looks like a beautiful day today. I'm going to sit out later and enjoy the sun. Then I'm going to get some gaming done today. Happy St Patrick's Day to All. :leprechaun:

Happy St. Pat's Day everybody!! The sun is shinning so I don't think I'll see the rainbow to find the pot of gold. High of mid-60's today!! Then back to reality.

Joe thanks for the great laughs and hope your work day goes well. Sell a bunch of mowers.

Darlene glad your mom likes your show. May work go well and fly!

Karen best of luck at the docs. Hope he/she can help ya out with everything. HUGS!

Cailyn have a lovely day and a nice walk with the little furry kids.

Gerry have a nice day and a nice walk.

Blsbet how cute!! At least he tries. Have fun.

Sorry ya had trouble with the sleeping last night. Hope ya can find a little time for a nap later.

Venus how nice ya get to open today! May work go well and ya be home before ya know it. Have a great day!

Ana may all go well with the adit. Any roadtrips today?? Hope the day goes well for ya.

Morning Gail enjoy the beautiful dayt and sun! Have fun gaming.

No plans till taxi time for me.


Nan

Wonderful Wednesday and Happy St. Patrick's Day ya'll :StPats:

It's grey and rainy and cold....what happened to spring

The puppy is making Lil Soot earn his living this morning. I'll let them get some energy out and then I'll feed them.

Joe, love that first joke. Smart wife!

Darlene, will you be wearing the green today?

Cailyn, you know, I've never had corned beef. One of these days I'm gonna have to try it.

DocBoomBoom, my doctor's office has a sign that says "Please tell the physician about your top symptom only. If you have other problems, please make another appointment."

I hope your appointment goes fantastically.

Gerry, Top of the Morning to ya

Connie, where is dinner going to be?

Blsbet, I hope your are wearing emeralds today.

Midgy, are you the one that was keeping me up last night? Hugs my friend.

Venus, happy whooshing, and hope you make lots of green today.

Ana, how was the drive in?

Gail, I wish I had some sun. Enjoy yourself.

Nan, enjoy your no plans day. I know you'll find something fantastic to do. :leprechaun:

Morning; today is mine, mine, mine, to do with as I please....well at least so far.
Looks like it will be a good day for being outside.

Great day and Happy St. Patricks Day to all.

'Morning, again, 'Boomies!

Howdy, Cailyn, Karen, Gerry, Connie, blsbet, Midgie, venus, Ana, Gail, Nan, L4L, and Trippy!

Loooonnnggggg day for me today.....

Karen, prayers and positive thoughts for your doc appointment today!

Sorry for another quick fly-by! Gotta skoosh! See you later tonight!

Have fun gaming, Gail!

Enjoy your no plan day, Nan!

Hope the dogs are having a good time and enjoy their meal, L4L!

Enjoy having your own day, 3d!!

Hope your long day isn't too long, Darlene!

Well, I am back home unfortunately. I haven't been feeling well this morning. Whenever something goes around in our store, I always seem to get it. Anyway, I thought I could make it through the day - was pretty okay when I was sitting down - but standing up and walking around made things a lot worse.

So I really hope I can make up the hours next week, as I need them. The manager I spoke with today said probably not, but the manager that was having me trained for another department may be more accommodating. Here's hoping, right?

Okay, off to get some rest and maybe some simultaneous kitty time. Hope everyone's day is going beautifully!

A great good morning to everyone.

Back from the vet. Cory was a good boy as always. Will get the results of the blood test probably tomorrow. Amber's turn next week.

It is a cloudy day but is supposed to warm up to about 60. But, this weekend, starting Sunday night it is supposed to eeek - snow. Yuck.

Well, hope everyone has a great day. I am going to work on The Hobbit for a little bit.

Bets

flying through - hope everyone's day goes well .

joe thanks for the openers

aww,venus - feel better soon...

i'm up and ready early enough to run a couple of errands today,instead of tomorrow ,which means once the garage has the car, i can do some gaming !

and,5 days off !

have a wonderful one,later !

Well it is time to get ready and fireup the taxi!! Beautiful day out there.

Have a wonderful afternoon and evening everybody!!

MaG love the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!!!


Nan

Pandora made that logo.

I twisted her arm to make more.

great day today, I got sent on a road trip this morning and just got back. Nothing like spending a day driving with the windows down and music up and getting paid for it.
An hour to go and I'm home to grab the doggies and play at the park. It's a beautiful day out there.

venus, so sorry you are not well. Hope you fel better quick.

Love the rainbow!

It's daughter sams birthday today, she will be out partying shortly.

Ana

Hi Boomers:

I've been so busy with the census, I haven't had time to even whoosh through the diner. However I have the day off today and I'm enjoying the sunshine and slugging as much as possible.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! It's Toby's 6th birthday. He got a good combing and booty rub, but no green beer. Maybe a tartar control Greenie is in order?

Good evening everyBoomie.
Woo hoo, I passed my First Aid course. Anyone need bandaging ?

:StPats: Happy SP Day Boomers! :leprechaun: It is a great day again today and I am going to head outside and make the most of it. Have a great evening everyone.

Night all - love the rainbow & pot of gold ...

Halo everybody......I mean rainbow everybody. :StPats:

I always forget the occasions, so Happy St. Patricks Day everyone!!! :leprechaun:

I do love the rainbow MaG & Pandora.

I had an EXtremely busy day. I didn't stop from the moment I got to work.

When I got home I ate and then took the inmates out while I worked in the yard.

It was a fantastic day.

I hope that was the case for all of you.

joe

Hello Diner Boomers .. Happy St Pat's Day

Whew...another day another 4 quarters earned for the day's chores and a good day it was at that...started with physical thearpy bright and early this morning followed by a good St Pat's day at work, treats and all. The back and leg are doing better and this is goodness..I hope to keep it going in this direction. Have a great evening everyone.

Back from Wild Animal Park. Was fun. Lots of walking and it got very hot after a few hours, but we saw loads of neat animals, lots of babies, saw the flying bird show. Fun stuff to do once in a while. Didn't walk the entire area since it's soooo big and my back/leg/knee was reminding me to take it easy. Had lunch on the way back and brought home a banana cream pie from Marie Callendars. Ohhhhhhhhh.

Howdy everyone. I am so far behind today it's laughable. I still have tons to do here and doesn't appear to be a gaming night. Maybe tomorrow.

It was 67 degrees after work and the dogs and I went to the park with my neighbor (the lady I used to work with) and her dog. WE had a grand time, we walked a few miles and then took them swimming. They are zonked out now.

I found this story today which has left me laughing so hard that hubby thought I'd lost it. Poor guy just wanted to snuggle.

Are we having fun yet?

Well early night for the taxi tonight. Some are in Mexico and the rest are safely home. Had a good time too.

Wow I am chatting across the "pond" with my granddaughter. How cool. They leave London at 2 tomorrow afternoon for home.

Ana we made it to 61. Sounds like ya had a grand time at the park with the dogs. Did they enjoy the swim?? I'll send the fairies down to help ya so you can do some gaming.

Sorta sounds like a fun day at the Zoo!!!

Soot so glad the back and leg are starting to feel better. Prayers that it keeps up!

Night Jenny. Congrats on passing your First Aid class! Sleep well and pleasant dreams!

Joe glad work is over. What nice hours ya got tomorrow??


Nan

Wow where did this day go? Ana someday I'm coming over to your house and go with you to the park with your dogs. That's my favorite thing I'd love to do.

Soot I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Jenny I passed my first aid class a long time ago. We can check everyone out together OK?

It's getting late and I'm tired as I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm looking for my pillow in a few. Sleep well all.

Night Midgie

Think I shall call it a day. Night everybody! Sleep well and pleasant dreams!


Nan

Played 10 minutes, long enough to get unstuck from yesterday so it's all good.

Sweet dreams everyone, one day closer to Friday.

Ana

Good night, good night, good night everybody.

Nan I work 11:00 to 7:00 tomorrow.

We are one day closer to the weekend Ana.

Hey! I have the weekend off.

I'd better get Thursday started.

joe

OMG! i just pulled in the yard,and there are 7 cars full of partyers downstairs ! i will be back as soon as i can think - the noise is so bad,i can't even read the posts !

Oh niteowl sorry you have to put up with thoughtless neighbors.

I would go ask them to keep it down.

joe