"He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun.'"
Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
"Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."
"Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy you curtains."
Joel's family request that you donate to a charity of your choice, rather than send flowers for his funeral.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
He ain't heavy, he's my Rotter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was
in progress and the country preacher talked
at length of the good traits of the deceased,
what an honest man he was, and what a loving
husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered
to one of her children, "Go up there and take
a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morality Test
This test only has one question but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and consider each line.
You are in Florida.
Miami, to be exact.
There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper.
You're caught in the middle of this great disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to make a career out of shooting photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you.
Some are even disappearing under the water.
Nature is showing all of its destructive fury.
You see a woman in the water.
She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away with the debris.
You move closer . . somehow the woman looks familiar.
Suddenly you know who it is . . It's Hillary Rodham Clinton!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under, forever.
You have two options:
You can save her, or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life.
So, you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful women.
Here's the question and please give an honest answer:
Would you select color film or would you rather go with the classic black and white?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Good morning everybody.
IT'S FRIDAY!!!!! WOO HOO!!!
I just love that little pink pom pom girl.
She's way too young for me, but she sure is cute.
I think I just flunked my morality test.
Probably flunked the sanity one too.
Next time I promise to think real hard before I speak.
Anyway I hope you all have a happy Friday.
You all are about to graduate to the weekend, just like I told you you would.
Ain't that spiffy?
joe
acebook
witter
only you,joe !
Howdy ho, Joe! Very funny openers! Hope your Friday is 
, daughter is working 'till 11pm, Hubby's with clients, and I just purchased and downloaded a new game this morning, ready to play. I can sleep in 'til 7am, then work.....
To all awake, 
So tired...
and Yeah it's Friday 
Good Morning all Boomers. A very happy friday to you all! 
Niteowl, I hope you can get the car taken care off ok. JennyP, shoppity shop, grape juice in the NC for after work. Andrea, Karen, Cailyn, Gerry, Blsbet, and all who come to the Diner later have a Great TGIF. Today is shopping and lunch with SIL. Apple cinnamon pancakes with maple syrup in the NC. :niceday:
Morning to all Boomers! 
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