"If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."
Edgar Watson Howe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A harried driving instructor came home from work, kicked off his shoes, and fell into a chair. "I'm thinking of taking six or seven of my students to England," he said.

"What on earth for?" his wife asked.

"It might make them feel good to see what it's like to drive on the left side of the road-legally."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw Santa Claus at the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up, because they didn''t want to make their perfect children (who were at home with their perfect babysitter) mad because it was close to Chritmas.

Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with Santa Claus, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and 1 lived.

Who lived?

The perfect woman, because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren't real.


That makes perfect sense.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was determined to prove to her husband that all blondes were not dumb, so she decided to paint the living room.

Her husband came home and found her painting while wearing a leather jacket with a ski jacket over it.

When he asked her why she was wearing the jackets, she said the instructions said it was better with two coats.


It's a cold room. :shiver:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A keen country lad dressed up in his only Sunday-go-to-meetin' suit, took the bus into the Big City and applied for a salesman's job at the big city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the entire world - you could literally buy *anything* there. "So tell me," the boss asked him, "have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Sure have," said the lad, "I was the best salesman in the county back home!"

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "Well, OK: you can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up the store."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 PM came around, and the boss came by and asked him: "Well, how many sales did you make today, young man?"

"Oh, just one," said the young salesman.

"Only ONE?" blurted his boss. "Most of my staff can make 20 or 30 sales a day! OK, OK, so how much was the sale worth?"

"Well, lessee, all told that would be three hundred twenty-four thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars and sixty-seven cents," said the young fellow, smiling broadly.

"How in hell you manage THAT?!" asked his flabbergasted boss as soon as he could pick himself up off the floor.

"Waaaall", said the salesman, "this ritzy-lookin' feller came in and I sold him a small fishhook, y'see, and then he needed a medium-sized hook too, and finally we decided he needed a really large hook on top of those. Then, I sold him a small fishin' line, and a medium one and a pure-dee huge-mongous big'un! I asked him where he was goin' fishin' and he said "down the coast." I said he'd probably be needin' a boat too, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that-thar twenty-foot schooner y'all ain't been able to sell for nigh-on two years ... y'know the big'un with the twin engines? Waall, then the poor feller says his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull the whole kit-n-kaboodle, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser with a tow-hook on the rear. He was plum-happy!"

"Wait ..." said the boss as he took two steps back and stared at the lad in astonishment, "you sold all that to a guy who came in for a FISHHOOK?!?"

"Waaalll, naw, not 'zactly," answered the salesman, "y'see, he came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Hey pal, you and I both know your weekend's shot, so you may as well go fishin', right?"


What was that about a perfect woman??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"


I can do that....................get drunk I mean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.

The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?"

The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."


That's indescribably ,,,,,, ,,,,something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie.

Welcome to the weekend! Gimme an "S"

Well my back went out, and left me alone to sulk.

I guess I can sulk while watching it snow, or whatever it does today.

At least I'm keeping with the spirit of it all using the ice pack on the back.

I hope you all enjoy your Saturday.

joe

Howdy ho, Joe! Great openers! So sorry about your back! Looks like a gaming day for you then, yes?

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's Soit'stimetohaveaserendipitouslysatisfyingandstupendouslysensational Saturday!

Still Friday evening for me....

Daughter overnight with friends.

Hubby is home, chatting it up with Mum...

And I'm looking for my pillow...

So...

To all abed, To all awake,

Happy Saturday Joe,Darlene Woke up at 2:00 couldn't get back to sleep So got up took Jazzie,Diego,out,Tigger and Dollie just looked at me as to say are you kidding!!Both went back to sleep Diego goes to be Neutered in April,he is such a Rascal around here you forget what it's like to have a Puppy around,the funny things they do and get into!Well have a great day every one :tweety:

Good Morning Joe, Darlene and Cailyn. Joe and Darlene happy dreams. Cailyn it must be something in the air. Stretch woke me up at 3AM and wouldn't let me go back to sleep. Hope every one has a great weekend.

Good morning all my Diner buddies. Joe, I'm sorry your back is giving you problems. Ana, I hope you get to sleep in and game some today. Darlene, that's nice that your mom enjoyed gaming with you. Cailyn and Gerry, I'm sorry you both are up so early and can't go back to sleep. L4L and Soot, have a good weekend. JennyP, shoppity shop for some fun things. Gail, Karen, Blsbet,Venus, and all who come in after me have a Wonderful fun filled Saturday. Number 3 son is taking us to a wholesale nursery to look at plants today. SIL is coming with us. Bluberry muffins and Bacon sandwiches in the NC. :niceday:

Good Morning Boomers,

Joe, I hope your back feels better soon.

Darlene, enjoy your evening!

Cailyn, good luck with Diego. Puppy's can be so entertaining.

Gerry, funny thing is that Stretch will go back to sleep while you're awake.

Connie, hope you find some super plants. Enjoy your day.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day. Going to be a shoppity shopping day. Starting out early this morning then out to lunch.

Good Mornin all wishing you all a very happy, Healthy Day Im so sorry Im not here that often I have alot of "Stuff" going on in my life wishing you a "Happy" day

ps miss you all too!!!!!

Good morning. It looks like it's gonna be a sunny day again today. Man, I'm spoiled. I hope you all have sun today. I'll share mine with all of you.

Thanks Joe for the openers today. Sorry your back is giving you trouble today. Take it easy.

Morning Darlene. Looks like you're converted your Mom to play games. Awl right! Hope you have a great day.

Morning Sue and Gerry. I also was up a t 3:00. We could have had a party.

Morning Connie. Hope you find the plants you're looking for. How fun is that? Morning Gail. You've got a good day planned. Have fun.

Time to get going. But I'll take it easier today than yesterday. Walked 5 miles and I'm paying for it today. My foot is screaming. Ah well. I'm not complaining though. With weather like this who's complaining.

Midgie

Good morning everyone!

Joe, I hope your back comes back..it is no fun when it leaves. Mine left me some weeks back and I'm afraid it isn't coming back so now dealing with that.

Darlene...sleep well and we'll see you when you're up.

Morning Sue, glad you were able to get Jazzie and Diego back to sleep..yes puppies are a hoot..we are totally enjoying little Skywalker's antics now..you have a great day too

Morning Gerry, yes something was in the air at that time but I was able to get back to sleep until Skywalker enough of that this morning...time to get up..have a great weekend too

Morning connie..ah, spring is here and it's time to work outside, have fun at the nursery..the muffins and bacon sandwhiches are fantastic

Good morning Gail..drive safe while you're out and about and enjoy lunch..see you later

Good morning Leeana..it's always great to text you here at Boomers and wish you the best..take care!

Good morning Midge, yes pulling back on the throttle will help reduce the foot screaming .. grin, I am not complaining either as the weather is great .. have a wonderful day!

L4L and I have a play this afternoon and those are always fun..in the meantime, there are plenty of weekend chores to keep me busy.

Good morning everyone. It is sunny here today too. I need to make a grocery run and then it is off to the park with the dogs. Have a great day Boomers.

Good morning everybody.

It;s snowing like crazy in OK City.

South of us in Texas it's storming like crazy.

We are very cold and wet, and windy.

My back is very stiff. I'm popping muscle relaxers.

Sitting around for two days will be hard on it.

Last night I started downloading updates through Steam for my Half Life 2 game, at 2:00 in the morning, and then went to bed. When I got up the game still wasn't finished updating.

But hey it's the weekend!

I hope you guys are all doing well, and have a super Saturday.

joe

Hallo. Sorry so late
Just popped in and in need of a cuppa to go!
TTFN
*blsbet44 Skooshing*

good morning everyone. sitting here with a windy and cold day. 26 right now and not going to warm up until tomorrow. we got an inch or less or snow thank goodness. got many things to do today . gaming for 1 reason, need to go look at my games and see which one catches my fancy to replay. well waiting from grandduaghter to get up, oh such a life of a teenager staying up all night.

Super Saturday morning ya'll

My morning started with a bang.....seems son and g'son both have the same bug which involves copious amounts of things being expelled orally...eek! Handwashing and disinfecting is the order of the day~

Hubby and I are dodging the bug...we are going to a play later this afternoon. It will be nice to have some alone time. We might even splurge and go to Burger King


Ahhhh Joe, sorry you are having back problems. That seems to be going around these days! Are you off today?

Darlene, did you work this morning?

Cailyn, puppies do indeed keep you going! Hope your day is wonderful!

Connie, which plants are on your shopping list? I'm going to wait one more week and then go out and cut off all the stuff the cold killed and see what happens.


Gail, enjoy the shoppity shopping! Sounds like good knee therapy to me.

Leeana, I hope the stuff is at least fun

Midgy, what were you doing up at 3? Did you 5 miles on purpose?

Quest, I'm gonna send my dogs to go with yours...they are screaming for a run.


Blsbet, happy skooshing to you!

My, how are you?

not too bad. hopeing winter is leaving soon. 15 granddaughter is wanting to move back in with us . she isn't happy at her dads and her mom is haveing to do 10 days in jail . will these kids ever learn you don't drive with a suspended DL and no insurance

mornin' all

joe,GREAT jokes today. sorry about your back.

darleen - sounds like a lovely weekend.

cailyn - puppies are a hoot, aren't they?

gerry - hope you can make up the sleep.

gail - have fun shopping.

hi - leeana,my9,bisbet !

midge - i walked yesterday, too - it was just too beautiful not too, and i 'm going to again today, so i'll do your walking ,too. ok ?

soot,space quest - have fun !

just beautiful out - i may go to the garden center , as there are 2 plants i want to add to the garden this year. and i need some fish emulsion.

off to the great outdoors ! back later - everyone have a wonderful !

Good morning everyone.

Been doing laundry that I didn't finish yesterday. Dinner last night turned out good and everyone had a good time.

Boy, am I glad we don't live in Northern Missouri. They are expecting 3-5 inches of sleet and snow. We are just going to get rain. If I don't post tomorrow, you will know that I sank, sunk sinked, oh whatever Maybe endedup in China or somewhere.

Think I will go play something for awhile.

Everyone have a wonderful day.

Bets

It must be Spring Vacation. My tenants who always have the SON visiting now have another daughter and family who drove in from Washington on Thursday. Then on Friday, the SON arrived with his 2 kids in tow. Lucky me. So that makes NINE people living in the little 2 bedroom house for I dunno how long. I'm hoping that it's not for an entire 2 weeks. No matter though, I'll just factor that extra water/electricity usage into the next rent increase. It seemed to work this year for a short time, but now the 'visiting' is picking up again. Dunno why they don't get the connection between extra rent and frequent overnight visitors? Good people, nice, quiet, cause no troubles except too many people and then my water/electric bill jumps. I'm thinking about changing the rental agreement to specify a per day/per person charge for anyone staying overnight. That might work. We do have plenty of motels around here and the tenants have other family living nearby too. Easy to just camp out there I should think. But then, it's a beautiful day and I'm going to spend some time outside tending to my plants. Ahhhhhhhh.

Happy Spring everyone!

Good morning boomies! Flying by for now, I'm heading out the door to the Pet Expo with Peter and Sam.

Happy First day of Spring I love Chicago!

Have an awesome day everyone! Joe and soot, hope your backs feel better and Midgie, sorry your foot hurts and sure hope the two boys trying out for the next Exorcist movie feel better L4L.

Ana

'Morning, again, 'Boomies!

Hey, Cailyn! Sorry for such an early morning for you. Hope you are able to catch up on your sleep.

Hi, Gerry! Happy Saturday to you!

Howdy, Connie! Sounds like a great day planned! Enjoy!

Hello, Gail! How's your knee feeling?

LeeAna, always good to see you in the Diner!

Howdy, Midgie! We're sunny here, as well. I think we're supposed to get up to the high 70's.

Hey, Soot! Enjoy the play!

'Morning, SQFan! Happy Saturday to you as well!

Howdy ho, Joe! How frustrating! Love the Half Life games, but I get frustrated, as well, with the Steam thing...Hope your back pain eases...

Hey, blsbet! What is the style of dress for your Saturday?

Hi, my9! Sounds like alot going on for you! Big hugs!

Howdy, L4L! No work or meetings for me today! Got to sleep in until after 8am! Mahvelous! Sorry about your sweetie's and their sore tummies. Hope those ease today. Enjoy your play!

Hey, niteowl! Enjoy your walk!

Hi, Bets! Enjoy the gaming!

Sorta, it is a beautiful day! Enjoy!

Ana, enjoy the Expo!

Well, it was a sleep-in morning. Mum's still sleeping. Got my large cup of Hubby's delicious brew and I'm ready for my morning. A little gaming. Then church late afternoon, instead of tomorrow morning. Then a potluck at the home of one of Hubby's colleagues. Of course, Mum will come along. Then, if these brown eyes can stay open, some late-night gaming! It's all good....

Hi, Boomers. Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days. I came down with the bug everyone's been getting at work. I've been going to work anyway, but I was resting the rest of the time. Just got back from work today and feeling much better now. And the weather is beautiful on top of that, so I'm bouncing through my day now.

Okay, off to catch up on what I've missed. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Saturday!

Venus I hope you feel better soon. I just wanted to say a quick hello. It is only supposed to be 50 degrees on Monday so I need to get back outside to enjoy this weather while we have it. Have a great day!

ana- have fun , and enjoy the ferrets.

darlene - sounds like a fun evening - enjoy!

midge - i did walk for us both, couldn't stop myself ! ending up being about 5 miles !

then went to garden center and got some pansies - then planted those and measured for window boxes for around the porch.

venus - more important to rest when sick , what do you have for temps there ? we hit 76 degrees !

Back from the expo, and was really tempted to bring home a whole menagerie of animals. We fell in love with at least a dozen dogs, a sugar glider, a baby ferret that looked just like my Suzy and of course I brought whole a six month supply of treats that we got free as samples. The dogs think they went to heaven when I gave them a few new tastes.

It is still snowing here non stop all day. What a hoot. By WEdnesday it should be 60 again.

Ana

Howdy ever body.

I've been having a pretty good day doing some gaming or watching movies.

I finally got Half Life 2 to start, played it for a while, got fapped, had to pay $7.50 to get unfapped.

It's funny that they limit your bandwidth so everyone will have equal bandwidth, so if you exceed your allotment, you are restricted.......unless you pay more money, then you can use more.

We've been cloudy and very cold all day, but no snow, and they're still saying 70% chance of snow tonight & tomorrow.

joe

Hey Joe, how's the back feeling? Sorry about getting fapped. What a ripoff.
I was so spoiled by the warm weather, I want to cocoon myself now that's it's blustery out there.

Ana

Wow I think I have missed the whole day.

Ana I can't believe you are getting all that snow and it doesn't look like it is going to stop any time soon. Welcome to Spring. We had sunshine all day but the temps are only in the 30's with a 12mph wind.

Sounds like you had a good time at the expo!! You need to live where ya have acres so ya can have a zoo.

Joe hope the back is feeling better some what. Sorry about the fapping. That's just not right. Like they have ya under the barrel.

Darlene sounds like some fun times today! Enjoy the potluck!

L4l and Soot enjoy the play. Hope son and grandson are feeling better quickly!!

Niteowl sounds like you have had a good day too!! I love Pansies, what color??

Space enjoy the park and the lovely weather.


Nan

Ana my back's still hurting pretty bad.

Now they give us 1 free token each month that we can use to get unfapped. I've already used that one trying to get these games updated on Steam. Getting fapped today was the second time this month. These are games I've already paid $100 for, and paying Hughes Net $100 a month too.

I'm about to call them up and tear into them.

I can't believe the snow you're getting.

I just went to the store and it's snowing and blowing here, but it's not snowing very hard.

Hi Nan. Did you have a good day today?

joe

You guys got snow today??? Wow. It was beautiful here. In the 60's. But tomorrow the rain comes in for a few days. We had such gorgeous weather the past couple of days. I don't want it to end.

Sorry your back is still hurting Joe. Hope it feels better tomorrow.

Rob and Jen went to see The Lion King in Boston tonight. I so want to see that show.

I've been watching NCIS for some of the day today. They're running a marathon. I'm wondering if Darlene has been catching any of it. I so love that show. I wait for Gibbs to show that famous smile of his. It doesn't happen too often, but it knocks me out every time he does. I think I'm in love

But now I need to find my pillow. Good night. See you tomorrow.

Midgie

Good night Midge. Sweet dreams.

Venus I'm sorry you caught a bugs. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

I went and gamed some more, and got fapped again.

Steam and Hughesnet are on my list.

I think I'll get tomorrow started and get to bed. My back is not doing too good.

joe

Joe. I really can't blame you for being agitated. I would be steaming by now. I hope you get a good nights sleep and your back feels better.

Midgie, sweet dreams my dear. HUbby and I are going to see Ron White next SAturday, I can't wait. How far is Boston for you?

Nan, it's been snowing non stop, but it's very wet and heavy snow so it stays at a few inches and melts on the walkways. THe dogs think it's great and have been out rolling in it.
I would love to have a big house with lots of land and plenty of money so I can stay home and play with my zoo. I can dream....
We saw some cute chihuahuas there, I thought of you. They had slings and pouches so you could wear them.

I've been playing Vooju Island, what a great game!

Ana

Oh Ana thanks for the reminder. I need to find something to carry Sassy in before Summer gets here. Poor thing has trouble keeping up with me then.

Hope the snow stops soon. I suppose your back yard was just starting to do some drying and now it will be wet again.

Joe sorry.....I think it is a conspiracy. All that fapping. Hope the back feels better in the morning.

Venus hope you are feeling much better when ya get up!! HUGS!

Well time to find my pillow. Sleep well everybody and pleasant dreams!


Nan

Sweet DReams Nan, I was looking at the doggie grass there. I would really love to install it in the backyard on the spots that don't grow grass well. I don't care if it's fake, it's clwan and looks good.
It will definitely be muddy when this melts again.
Poor Sassy, she doesn't like the heat?

Ana

Goodnight Boomers. See you in the morning.