"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Perfect Worker

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. think twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometime skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.

Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

2 - HIS DIARY

Today the Lakers lost, but at least my wife was frisky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this American who comes to Canada, and he goes into the unemployment office. An Intake worker takes him in and sits him down in her office. He tells her, "I've been drinking my whole life. I want to be like you Canadian guys and have a job, make 20 dollars an hour and all the benefits to go with it."

The intake worker replies, "I have just the job for you. You can work at the Labbats brewery for 8 hours a day testing beer. The job pays 20 dollars an hour and has all the benefits to go with it."

The American replies in an excited way, "You have to be joking me!"

So the worker says, "Yeah, well you started it!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?"

"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are in a maximum security prison in the U.S, about to do 10 years each in solitary for crimes they didn't commit. One of the Guards takes pity on them and says, "Look lads, I can't get you off the hook, but what I can do as a consolation is give each of you a ten year supply of whatever you want. So what will it be?"

The Englishman says, "Well I love a cup of tea, so I'd like 10 years' worth of tea." The guard obliges and leads the englishman down.

The Scotsman says, "I really like a drink, personally. 10 years' worth of Whiskey would suit me great." The guard gets the Scotsman his whiskey and takes him down to his cell.

The Irishman says, "You know what, I really like a smoke. My wish would be 10 years' worth of cigarettes." His request is granted and he is taken down to do his 10 years.

10 years later the three men are finally released. The Englishman comes out and says to the guard, "Thanks, that supply of tea really helped to get me through. Thanks a lot." Then he leaves.

The Scotsman comes out drunk as a monkey. He walks up to the guard and hugs and thanks him. "Thanks mate, those 10 years went by quick as a flash." He trundles happily off, staggering all over the place.

The Irishman emerges looking terrible. "Have you got a light?", he says.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Sunday got here a lot quicker than Saturday did.

I want a do over for yesterday, and I predict that tomorrow I'll say the same thing about today.

I hope you all make the most of all of your todays.

Have a happy day.

joe

Joe the perfect worker was my favorite.

Howdy ho, Joe! Thanks for the openers! Wish your back was feeling better! Hope your fappedness is unfapped!

Hi, SQFan! Happy Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's SuchagorgeousdaytodaythatallIwanttodoisslugandcelebrate Sunday!

Still late night Saturday for me....

Hey, Midgie! I recorded the NCIS marathon episodes today (Saturday)!

Had an amazing Saturday evening! Went to church, which was fab! Then the potluck we were supposed to attend was cancelled, so we had son, DIL, and grandbabies over for pizza. First time I've had a piece of pizza in years! Then they showed us pics of an earlier hike the four of them took! Wonderful pics! We chatted and laughed until about 10:30pm. They just left a bit ago, now Mum's in bed and Hubby's reading, daughter is overnight with friends, and the house is settling...

I have a sleep-in morning, and these brown eyes are cooperating, so I'm off to game!

So...

To all abed, To all awake,

Good morning Joe,Spacequest,Darlene Joe sorry to hear your back is still hurting,hope it gets better soon.Darlene sounds like a nice night you had with your family.Cinnamon rolls with Pancakes,and of course Donut holes in the corner!Enjoy the day every one

Happy Happy Sunny Sunday Boom Boom Buddies!

Hi, Howdy, Hey ya, Hi ya, Joe, Ana, Space, Darlene, Cailyn,
Gail, Gerry, Midge, Nan, L4L & Soot, Bets, Venus, Blsbet,
Sorta, Jenny, my9, scarlet, Dar, Trippy, niteowl, Andrea,Connie,
Lotus~

How is every Boomer today? I had a GGGreattt SaturdayBeautiful Sunny day 72%
we had a **Hay party** They had a Alfalfa Hay sale
where I buy my Hay from I bought 40 bales. so with the
music blasting away me my SIL, her sis, my niece, her
cousin, we all unloaded & stacked it in the barn.
Quite the workout the bales weigh 130pds. all 6 dogs
had a ball running like a wild pack through our fields.
they wore themselves out good!
Then we had a nice little BBQ , Ribs, rice pilaf, shrimp salad,
french bread, it was yummy! it was a Super Duper
Fun Fun day! I'm gonna take Mo for a ride
after Church~ Have a nice Super Sunday ya all~ Karen

:spring:Good Morning Joe, Darlene, Space Quest, Cailyn and Karen. Joe feel better. darlene enjoy your Sunday with Mum. Space quest take some time to game. Cailyn are you enjoying this fantastic weather? Karen sounds like a wonderful day planned! Enjoy your ride. A nice spring day to all boomers! :spring:

Well, hey, Cailyn, Karen, and Gerry! Been up playin' Millenium Secrets 'til the weeeee hours, and I'm just now getting to bed! So, off to find my pillow for a loooonnnnggg sleep-in!

Good morning all my Diner buddies. Joe, I'm sorry you got fapped again. I hope your back is doing better. Ana, the Expo sounds like so much fun. I would love it. Darlene, I'm glad you got lots of game time in. L4L and Soot, enjoy the play and Burger king. Venus, I hope your feeling better. JennyP, shoppity shop. Space, have a good day. Cailyn, thanks for the goodies. Karen, I'm glad you will get to ride Mo today. The Hay party sounds like fun. Gerry, may you have a good day. Gail, did you buy anything fun yesterday? Blsbet, what is the outfit of the day? To all who are here and all who come in later have a Beautiful day. We got Azeleas and Giant Iris at the nursery. Then we went to Home Depot and got bedding plants. Sorry Joe, they were buy one get one free. I bought petunias, dianthusus, and marigolds. :spring: Hubby got a garden tiller. Today will be walking, breakfast, and some outside time. Ham and cheese omlets, hash browns, and toast in the NC. :niceday:

Morning people
joe, the Man Diary . So0o typical

Morning SpaceQ

Hey Darlene. Enjoy your Marathon! Don't forget your satin slippers (keeps your feet warm), snacks for munching (mMm popcorn), and comfy blanket. Ah yes, a ruby tiara would look very nice on top of your head. It helps you to focus on the storyline... need one?

Hi cailyn thanks for the goodies

Hay, Hay, Hay, Dr K! Glad you had great Saturday!

Morning Kaki, Do have a garden? Did your spring flowers pop up to say "We've missed you!"?

connie sounds like you're going to be busy today!
Hope the weather is cooperating!

Well it's a bit gloomy but yesterday was great! Saw my spring flowers pop up. Have buds on my trees. Hoping Handsome Hubby can help with cleaning the yard so that I can start thinking about planting tomatoes and peppers. Maybe even an eggplant plant

For now, will wear amethyst and blue sapphire tiara in honor of my crocuses! With a midnight blue knee length A-line skirt and purple and blue cotton blouse with matching sweater! Fake fur collar and cuffs on the sweater, of course. And sensible black flats. (Will wear the navy blue capri pants if cleaning the yard with the Hubby... or should I wear blue jeans? hmmmm)


*blsbet44 happily going to safe in dungeon to decide WHICH amethyst and blue sapphire tiara to wear*
*skipping, skipping, skipping*

Good Morning Boomers ,

Joe, hugs to you. Hope your back starts feeling better soon.

Darlene, enjoy your sleep-in.

Space Q, have a great day.

Cailyn, I'm off for the pancakes.

Karen, I'm so glad you had such a wonderful day. You deserve it.

Connie, I can't wait till the weather stays warm enough here to plant. Enjoy your beautiful flowers.

Blsbet, go for the amethyst tiara and the bluejeans. Don't wear heels as they tend to stick in the mud. Bring the coffee.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day. Enjoying the beautiful weather here while it lasts. This is New England so temp will be dropping back to the 40's in the next few days.

Good morning everyone!

Joe, hope your back is doing better..enjoy your do over for today

Darlene..enjoy your sleep in! oh those were the days and we'll be back to them soon enough once little Skywalker is older and develops a bigger bladder see you when you're up.

SQF..enjoy your day!

Sue, woo hoo donut holes..L4L will be all over them..you have a great day too

Karen..we are hanging tight and living each day..have a great day!

Gerry, good morning to you..hope your spring Sunday is a great day for you too

connie..have fun walking and working your garden..we're going to enjoy the omlets

blsbet..I'm partial to sapphires..grin..have fun in the dungeon

Gail..howdy hello to you this morning..enjoy the weather..I'm sure there'll be more

L4L and I have grandson for a bit today .. he is never a problem, but like Skywalker you've got to keep an eye on him at all times we are still successfully doging that stomach bug that son and grandson have .. we enjoyed the play yesterday, "Nobody" about broadway performer Bert Williams .. L4L and I are going to Warcraft today and work on leveling her character .. have a great Sunday everyone

Good morning everybody.

Look at what we awoke to this morning for the second day of spring. :shiver:

It's still coming down.

They said we would have less than an inch. I think we've got that beat.

I hope everyone is doing ok this morning.

My back is aweful.

Gotta try and do some stretching today.

joe

Joe if your back is hurting don't go out in that snow. Hopefully it will melt off soon.
Karen you deserved a feast after the five of you moved 5000# of hay. I had no idea that those bales were that heavy.
So far it is nice here today although it is supposed to only be 53 on Monday for the high and 43 on Tuesday. We seem to be going the wrong way. Have a great Sunday Boomers.

Hi Space Quest.

I don't plan on going out. There's nothing to do out there.

The snow has about ended now.

joe

Was able to get past trolls in dungeon and have chosen a tiara dusted with tiny sapphires and in the center, a LOVELY pear shaped amethyst, 2.5 karats.

OY joe take it easy.

SpaceQ hope the weather gets back to "normal"

soot why do you and l4l have to level l4l's character. Is she a bit uneven? A piece of shaved wood oughta do the trick

See ya people. Have to change the shoes from flats to icky man-workboots. Muddy yard and slimey dead leaves and rotten apples not eaten by squirrels this winter have made the yard a yucky mess.

Hey at least I'm workin' the tiara. Check out my curtsey!

*blsbet44 walking away in a slightly unladylike manner due to the fact that the manboots do NOT go with outfit.*

Maybe I'll change the laces. Purple methinks!

Blsbet the tiara with the sapphires looks great. Hope you don't get it muddy. Nice curtsy too.

The snow returned after my last post. I looked at the radar and we could get a lot more.

joe

Joe you aren't going to make a "snow bunny"??? Hope the back will feel better after you rest it today! Wow we are cold here but probly at the norm, but no snow.

Thanks for the chuckles. Hope ya can do some gaming today and ya don't get fapped.

Darlene enjoy the sleep in. I see that must be a goooood game to keep ya up so late. Sounds like a lovely evening was had by all. Enjoy your Sunday!

Karen WOW that was a lot of hay thrown. Yup always a good meal when doing anything with the hay. Enjoy your ride on Mo and hope his hock is better.

Morning Gerry have a lovely day!

Cailyn do the dogs like the nice weather?? Have a lovely day.

Blsbet the outfit sounds like the charmer. Have a lovely day.

Soot hope you and L4l can keep on dodging. Enjoy the grandson.

Space we sure went the wrong way here. We had 60's and now 20's. Hope ya have time for the park today!

Gail enjoy the lovely weather. What ya ot planned?? Have a nice day and btw....how's the knee?

Connie have fun in the garden!!


Nan

Good morning Nan. Nope, no snow bunnies, or squirrels, but I was watching the squirrels out back. The black ones are real easy to spot.

I've taken enough pain pills to almost completely eliminate my back pain. That's a surprise. I didn't think they would help at all.

I'm not even going to try to play Half-Life today. I know I'll get fapped again.

joe

Good morning. Flyby for now. Off to church. Be back later.

Good morning boomies! I'm heading out to let the dogs play in the park since they are far more enthused about the snow then I am. Then the rest of the day will be a slug day and gaming.

I'll see you all in a bit!

mornin'all !

i see most of you are off to an early start - i got up and got some coffee in, watched the girls race each other while i was doinng it - katie seems to feel especially frisky - she has never played like this before - too funny.

need to do laundry and outside stuff soon- may be the last day i can get serious walking in - rain coming.

aahh,karen - i remember haying and stacking well - i have been sticking my face in the hay at the barn - heaven ! i'm hoping the rain
holds off another day or so. riding in the plan for me ,too.

the pansies look good this morning - they are deep,dark purple, and some really pale yellow and white ones - delicious smell !

joe - glad the pills helped you - hope your back is better soon.

well,off to get something done - back later !

'Morning, again, 'Boomies! (I can still say that here! )

Howdy, Connie, Gail, Soot, SQFan, Nan, Midgie, and niteowl!

Joe, so sorry your back still pains you. Sounds, definitely, like a take-it-easy-peasy day, yes?

blsbet, I'll take you up on your offer of the ruby tiara! Do you, possibly, have one to fit Patches? She'd love it!

Ana, enjoy the park!

Well, had a lovely sleep-in 'til a little after 9am, watched the end of the LA Marathon with Hubby. Now I hear Mama up and at 'em, so I'm off to say 'good morning' to her.

Be back!

Back from the park, it's cold, windy, muddy and pretty miserable out there but the dogs had fun. Of course it's never truly an adventure for them unless someone gets into trouble and Merlin decided to get a poor snake out from under the snow and weeds and dragged him out in the open. Of course that ended with him getting bit on the nose and sneezing a dozen times but other than that he seems fine. Merlins find of the day.

Are we all having fun?

It's slug time!

Super Sunday ya'll

It's rainy here but not cold...grey though. We've had the Per since 7 this morning. His dad is at work. Right now we are playing the Quiet Game, and in a few minutes it will be nap time. He does not like it when we lay him down...but hopefully, his dad will be home when he wakes up.

Joe, love "do you have a light?" Thanks for the laugh. Snow, you silly man! It's spring I hope your back feels better soon.

Quest, backwards is not the way to go. Stay in and stay warm.

Darlene, say "hi" to your mama from us too, please.

Cailyn, yippee, donut holes!

DocBoomBoom, only you could describe unloading hay as fun, and I bet it was with you around! Enjoy your ride

Gerry, is it Spring where you are?

Connie, what color azaleas? for the hashbrowns.

Blsbet, Have fun in the yard.

Gail, how ya feeling?

Nan, too funny that ya'll don't have snow while the folks farther south do.


Midgy, fly safely!

Ana, silly Merlin! Glad it wasn't poisonous

Niteowl, hope you get your ride. Will you be riding alone? I love pansies!

Me and Sassy just back from a nice 3mile hike!! Picked a bouquet of willow buds for daughter.
seems funny.....I remember when she use to pick them for me and now I can return the favor.

Could ya all say a little something for roomie please. She could really use it. Thanks.

Wow Ana it doesn't sound like very good weather there. Sorry, I'll see if I can blow something warmer your way.

Like Merlins catch of the day. Glad he is OK though. Poor thing that can't be fun to have the nose bit.

L4l hope all goes well when the nap time arrives. Are the two of them feeling better?

Darlene that was a nice sleep-in!! Any fun plans today??

Niteowl have fun in the yard and enjoy it well ya can,


Nan

Hi Karen and Everyone,

I agree with L4L, only Karen could make hay unloading into a fun experience. I used to do this too on a regular basis. Would you send Merlin my way for awhile, Ana? We have such a problem in the summer with snakes eating our goldfish, they are so maddening! I believe in live and let live most of the time but I am tired of seeing my goldfish preyed upon. Hubby found one last year that had swallowed a fish that was too big and it had actually ruptured the snake's stomach and you could see the fish, ach! disgusting! And Joe, is FAP, Fair Access Policy? Is your provider that dreaded monopoly that rules rural internet? If so, I am sorry for you and me too, lol. Have a great day, Boomies, I am off to game. :tweety:

Hey everybody.

It's been a nice snow day here, and the pain pills I took must have allowed my back muscles a long enough break from the spasms that the muscles were able to relax. My back feels ok now.

How is everyboomie doing this afternoon?

Mom and I are going to Chili's for dinner in about 25 minutes.

After that I'll come back and do some more gaming. I loaded up Call of Duty 4. It doesn't require Steam to play.

Be back in a while.

Lotus it's nice to see you in the diner.

joe

Well, had an easy peasy morning. Neighbor across the street stopped by for coffee, met Mum, and the two of them chatted for awhile. Invited her to Mum's birthday party in two weeks. Then Mum took a snooze, and Hubby and I did some needed paperwork. Now Hubby's working out in the backyard on a stuck sprinkler, Mum's watching TV, and here am I. I think we'll do tacos for dinner.

Alrighty, off to play!

Yea Joe! That's awesome your back is better. It's probably the weather change and barometric pressure that causes it. I know I'm living on migraine meds this weeks because of the ups and downs.
Enjoy dinner. I just put a rack of pork in the oven. Yummmm

Lotus, Merlin usually brings back the field mice, that's what I thought he had at first. We have crawfish there also and they will pinch them with their claws if disturbed. Poor dogs need to mind their own business and enjoy their run.

Nan, prayers and positive thoughts heading roomies way.
WE had a P-willow bush when I was growing up, I don't think we have any wild ones here at all.

L4L, hope everyone went to sleep and you and soot can Wow.

Darlene, I'm glad you are having a great Sunday and enjoying moms company. Is she gaming now?

Ana

Hey, Ana! I've definitely piqued her interest. Problem is, she doesn't have a computer, and hasn't wanted one. Although, that may change now...

Looks like everyone is having fun today. Snow Joe? Lucky you.

I went out early to search all 4 Wally Mart stores in my area for undies (special type and they do seasonal 'patterns'). Gotta buy them quick and limited supply so I checked out all the stores. Only found ONE pair in my size and a total of 7 pairs combined. Geeez. They sure go fast. Also stopped at the Big Lots and stocked up on my favorite L'Oreal shampoo, which I think they are gonna discontinue. I hate when they do that. I find a great product that really works and then it's gone. Progress, phooey!

Looks like all my tenant's company is gone! I'll know more tonight, but I think both groups left within a few minutes of each other around 8 pm yesterday. Very strange, but they might reappear.

I'm still on 'broken window' patrol. I hope no more get BB'd. Tooo expensive.

Enjoy the day and don't forget to check out my post on the Barn Owl. So awesome.

Thanks Ana she is a little better for now.

We have all kinds of them down by the water and railroad tracks where we walk. Even the Poplar trees are budding. Hope they won't be sorry. Dinner sounds good.

Darlene ya might have to do some computer shopping soon.

Joe glad the back is better. Have fun at Chilis and drive carefully!!


Nan

jeesh - i'm in the boat joe is for having to load something else to play, although different reason. soooo glad your back is feeling better!

ana - the poor cold snake ! nice that Merlin backed off - do you think he'll grab another, or leave them ? is he a good learner like that?

well,our warm spell is gone - all of a sudden we went from high 70's to dark,cold,and damp. the rain is coming for sure.

L4L - i rode in the ring today - there was another person there. he's a great guy, and an incredible rider - he bought a big mare froom one of the previous boarders, and he does everything with her,from cattle busting to trail to you name it.

awww,nan - i send your roomie the delicious scent of pansies ,and a hope that helps!

boy - i sure got some walking in today - decided to walk to the video store and then went the other way to the store , then detoured to the park before coming back. plus 4 or 5 useless trips to the laundry room - that's always a good aerobic work out with the stairs.

gonna make food and watch a movie , enjoy your evening, all !

Hi all. I've been playing a demo. Just finished it. I won't be buying the game.

I didn't exercise today. I overdid it the past couple of days and my left foot is very swollen and hurting. I need to give it a rest for awhile. Joe I'm glad your back is feeling better.

I think I'm gonna say good night now. I'll watch the end of Harry Potter and find my pillow. See you all tomorrow. Sleep well.

Midgicans

Hi everyone.

Well I finished Prey, and loaded Medal of Honor Airborne and started it.

Tomorrow is a 8:00 work day for me and starting the long shifts & split days off.

I'd better get that one started, as much as I hate to.

Do overs exist only in my dreams.

joe

yep, early day for me, too..

sweet dreams, all.

Joe at least 8 isn't too bad. Hope the back is better by then.

Ana hope you were able to find some gaming time! We more then doubled our temp.....started at 23 and went to 55.

Time here to head for bed. Night everybody! Sleep well and pleasant dreams.


Nan