"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Perfect Worker
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. think twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometime skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.
When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
2 - HIS DIARY
Today the Lakers lost, but at least my wife was frisky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this American who comes to Canada, and he goes into the unemployment office. An Intake worker takes him in and sits him down in her office. He tells her, "I've been drinking my whole life. I want to be like you Canadian guys and have a job, make 20 dollars an hour and all the benefits to go with it."
The intake worker replies, "I have just the job for you. You can work at the Labbats brewery for 8 hours a day testing beer. The job pays 20 dollars an hour and has all the benefits to go with it."
The American replies in an excited way, "You have to be joking me!"
So the worker says, "Yeah, well you started it!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?"
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are in a maximum security prison in the U.S, about to do 10 years each in solitary for crimes they didn't commit. One of the Guards takes pity on them and says, "Look lads, I can't get you off the hook, but what I can do as a consolation is give each of you a ten year supply of whatever you want. So what will it be?"
The Englishman says, "Well I love a cup of tea, so I'd like 10 years' worth of tea." The guard obliges and leads the englishman down.
The Scotsman says, "I really like a drink, personally. 10 years' worth of Whiskey would suit me great." The guard gets the Scotsman his whiskey and takes him down to his cell.
The Irishman says, "You know what, I really like a smoke. My wish would be 10 years' worth of cigarettes." His request is granted and he is taken down to do his 10 years.
10 years later the three men are finally released. The Englishman comes out and says to the guard, "Thanks, that supply of tea really helped to get me through. Thanks a lot." Then he leaves.
The Scotsman comes out drunk as a monkey. He walks up to the guard and hugs and thanks him. "Thanks mate, those 10 years went by quick as a flash." He trundles happily off, staggering all over the place.
The Irishman emerges looking terrible. "Have you got a light?", he says.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Sunday got here a lot quicker than Saturday did.
I want a do over for yesterday, and I predict that tomorrow I'll say the same thing about today.
I hope you all make the most of all of your todays.
Have a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
To all awake, 
it was a Super Duper
I'm gonna take Mo for a ride 
Karen
I hope your back is doing better. Ana, the Expo sounds like so much fun. I would love it. Darlene, I'm glad you got lots of game time in. L4L and Soot, enjoy the play and Burger king. Venus, I hope your feeling better. JennyP, shoppity shop. Space, have a good day. Cailyn, thanks for the goodies. Karen, I'm glad you will get to ride Mo today. The Hay party sounds like fun. Gerry, may you have a good day. Gail, did you buy anything fun yesterday? Blsbet, what is the outfit of the day? To all who are here and all who come in later have a Beautiful day. We got Azeleas and Giant Iris at the nursery. Then we went to Home Depot and got bedding plants. Sorry Joe, they were buy one get one free. I bought petunias, dianthusus, and marigolds. :spring: Hubby got a garden tiller. Today will be walking, breakfast, and some outside time. Ham and cheese omlets, hash browns, and toast in the NC. :niceday:
. So0o typical 
Don't forget your satin slippers (keeps your feet warm), snacks for munching (mMm popcorn), and comfy blanket. Ah yes, a ruby tiara would look very nice on top of your head. It helps you to focus on the storyline... need one?
Have a great Sunday Boomers. 
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