The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
John Sladek
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Top ten reasons to become a nurse:
1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: "Tis better to give than receive"
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
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You know you're a nurse if...
You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.
You believe not all patients are annoying ... some are unconscious.
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
Almost everything can seem humorous ... eventually.
When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes.
Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing than he can.
You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.
You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs."
You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.
Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
You can intubate your friends at parties.
You don't get excited about blood loss ... unless it's your own.
You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.
You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help.
Eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.
You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
You've sworn you're going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest.
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You are a redneck if...
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
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You know your brother in law is a redneck when you go to his house to visit and he pulls his riding lawnmower out from behind the house and he shows you the added features he has put on it.
* Am/Fm cassette radio
* A bucket seat that he took out of the wrecked truck in the corn field.
* The cup holder he installed.(To hold his beer can)
The spot light, to look for deer while mowing at night.
* And finally, the alarm system he took off his truck because he is afraid that someone might steal it.
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In the back woods of Kentucky, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
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10 Things You'll Never Hear At A Nascar Race
1. "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."
2. "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race."
3. "Dating your own sister? Man, that's sick!"
4. "Oh my, this is a splendid Merlot!"
5. "Hey, you with the large chest. Out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"
6. "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my atache case."
7. "What a coincidence, Hank. All my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"
8. "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"
9. "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas."
10. "And now... Singing our National Anthem, international recording artist, Boy George!"
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You know you're a red neck nurse when.........
Good morning everyboomie.
For those of you who need order and decorum I set the right and proper diner title for this date in history, instead of what was in my head, namely..."Joe's TGIF".
I figured that might be a bit much for some of you.
I tell you what though, I wish I could go from Joe's Monday to Joe's Friday every time Joe's Monday rolled around.
Of course I have to close tonight, but I am off Monday and Tuesday. YaHOO!!
I've gotta get to bed now though. I have a late start tomorrow.
I kill me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
I haven't even made it to the beach yet, but at least the kids did. 
To all awake, 
Darlene sounds like a fun day playing hearts,Ana sorry to hear about your Hubby hope you get to enjoy the rest of your time at the Beach!!Waffles,Donut holes,Bacon n eggs in the NC 
Today is my 40th Anniversary my how time flys when your having fun!!
Darlene that is the best laughter! Played lots of hearts over the years with my Mom and family. She loved hearts! Lots of fun and laughter. 
I have work this morning and then I'm meeting my friend for the remainder of the day. This will be one of the last times, if not the last time, I see her before she leaves.
and hope his finger is much better today. Cailyn, Happy Anniversary, 
Walking and breakfast out today. Sausage biscuits and gravy to go with Cailyn's goodies in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. :summer:
We've stayed in the low twenties (around 69) so far but I'm not complaining as I can't take a lot of heat.
Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!
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