I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk....

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?"

MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: How much?"

WOMAN: $60,000.

MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! One more thing. ... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $450,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in astonishment

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.

The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?".

The lady replies "I want to kill my husband."

"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist.

He looks at the photo and says... "Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet.

He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

$10.00 a pill answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill."

The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.

But the hospital was in a real hurry to
get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation, "Well, bro, what did you name them?"

Whereupon, his brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?"

The brother winked and replied, "Denephew."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

I have a date with destiny today.

I'm destined to go back to work at 1:00.

I'm also destined to not be very thrilled about that.

BUT!

If today is Monday for me, then tomorrow is Wednesday, and the next day is Friday........which seems entirely logical for some reason.

It's a nuther 3 day week.

That's a big "but."

I'm so fortunate to have a job with a regular schedule.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Hey ya boom Boom Buddies~

Hi ya Joe~ Hope you have a good day at work
try not to get too excited about going ok
i would go to work for you if I could~ really I would
do you have snow?


boy o' boy'O do we have SNOW!!! YEE HAW!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!
now if only I had a snowmobile again! they are
sooo fun!! we have over 2 feet now and i can't get
to the barn bummer~ its suppose to start raining
and then were gonna have a melted mess! YUK!
Hey! what happened to the smiley that sticks his
tounge out?? I love that guy~Razz I think his name is/


My back porch roof fell down cause the snow was so
heavy~ scared the tar outta me I was sitting by the glass
sliding door feeding the little birdies & reading when
it fell


have a good Hump day everybody~Karen~

Good morning boomers,have a happy
day

Good morning Joe,Haroula,Karen Wow Karen you must of been really scared,thankfully no one was hurt We have no snow here as of yet Have a great day all Hello Gerry to you when you come in

Good Morning Joe, Karen, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe a schedule like that keeps you on your toes! Karen we had almost 6 inches of snow yesterday but a warm front came in during the night and melted most of it. Haroula nice to see you have time to join us in the Diner in the early morning. Cailyn meet in in the naughty corner. Happy Day All!

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a happy workday!

Karen, enjoy the snow but stay off the back porch!

Haroula, have a nice day.

Cailyn, we only got three inches of snow in our area and it's all gone now.

Gerry, good day to you.

Coffee is brewing in the corner!

Good morning. We have alot of wind this morning but the temps aren't too cold yet but it'll get colder later on. Thanks Joe for your openers. You crack me up. Morning Karen. We still don't have any snow. What a winter. I'm certainly not complaining. Morning Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, and all who come in after me. I have the day off but I have a few things to do today before I can relax. I have an appointment at the hospital for an exam, no big deal, then it's off to the laundromat, it's wash day again. Have a great Wednesday everyone. Please do a little exercising today if you can and I'll do the same.

Midgie

Good morning everyone. Angie came through the surgery fine, and she is home from the hospital. Hubby's throat is bothering him, and he has a dry cough. We see the Dr. Friday, and will see if he can get some cough medicine. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Danish and Apple Fritters in the NC.

Morning Midge, it's cold and windy here this morning. Enjoy your wash day!

Connie, Danish sounds great! Glad Angie';s surgery went well. Hope hubby gets some relief friday for his throat.

Got some errands to run. See everybody later on.

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day back to work goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! Have a happy Hump Day!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

A great good morning to everyone.

Started the day out at the grocery store, came home, put groceries away, drank a cup of coffee then did part of my treadmill. Now I am goofing off. Sun is shining and it was 16 when we got up. Supposed to get in the 30's today.

Eek Karen, that was startling. Did you get some pics of the snow?

Hi there Connie, Dar, Gail, Gerry, Harcoula, Cailyn, Midgie and Joe. Did I miss anyone? Hope not. Hope you all have a wonderful day and the same to all others who come in later.

Bets

Wowww Karen! How you stay safe and warm with all that snow. My sister is visiting down in my area since Thanksgiving to get away from all that (she lives near Omak) and she has a roommate who is probably going nuts right now). Geeeeee. Our weather news has YOU as the top story for mega snow storms and everything they show is closed and lovely white. Be careful outside.

Got 2 full file boxes of music packed up. Was going to donate it but thought of my sister who also plays the organ and keyboard. So when she visits in March (maybe sooner I hope) she will go through it all and take what she wants. I especially hope she takes the hymnal that I used for so many years of playing for my Dad's churches. Sister was nice enough to write in the 'guitar chords' for me and make the book into a looseleaf so it was easier for me to use. Off to the shed with those boxes and then more cleaning out in the shed I think. Sigh. So much more to do. I'm getting tired.

COLD here. Was 40 when I fed the outdoorsies and I think some slept in. Will go out to count in a few.

Good morning everybody.

Almost time for me to leave.

I have just enough time to do a little gaming.

I wish everyone a super Hump day.

I'll see you again after 9:00.

joe

Hi ya guys

It's cold in Al...good thing I'm staying in. Lil Soot is not cooperating with me to keep a pressure bandage on his side. I'm ready to try super glue.

Boys are here...I'm running like crazy. Back later.

Well I wonder what happened to my post this morning? I know I was here. It must be froze in cyberspace out my window since it was like -8 this morning. BRrrrrrrrr.

Karen glad you weren't on the porch! We have water pipes busting all over the place cause we have no snow and the ground just keeps freezing.

Haroula, Gerry, Cailyn, Midge, Gail, Bets. Have a lovely day!

L4l have fun with the boys.

Well now it is time to think about getting dressed really warm and taking the taxi out for a spin! Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all!!


Nan

That's strange Nan, because I know I was here this morning too!

I did my morning weight class and yoga, then came home and worked a bit, then picked daughter up from the mechanics and she wanted to go to the club, so I went back with her and worked out again.
Then we went grocery shopping and I thre dinner in the oven and I am finally showered and working again. She may noy get her car back today so I may be without my truck for the night.

It's a chilly day here, it started out at 7 degrees but we are now at 21. A heat wave!

Are ya'll having fun today?

Good afternoon Boomers.

Snow, snow, snow everywhere; has been snowing until about an hour ago, about 8 inches on top of the last snow. Had to plow through almost 2 feet + 3 foot drifts around the perimeter of the yard so it wouldn't get so high the dogs would be tempted to climb over. I understand we have another system moving in but can only wait and see.
Days like this that I'm so glad I'm retired.

Conne, so glad things are going well and continued prayers.

Watching a Mt. St. Helens documentary.

Have a great afternoon to everbody.

Sister and my niece surprised me today by coming down and taking me out for a 'birthday' lunch and then to a Danish pastry shop for a goodie. Ohhh. I'm so stuffed! Was nice to see my niece after about 25 years. She is nicely thinner and very happy. We all had a great time talking over old times. Fun. They managed to alert the Black Angus crew to my birthday (even though it was 2 weeks ago) and they gave me a huge cookie with ice cream. Yummy. It was a good day.

Sister picked up 2 full file boxes of my old music books and sheet music that I was giving away but thought it would be nice to offer to her first. She's thrilled. And I gave her a huge file sized box of shampoo and condition I don't use anymore. So everyone will have some stuff to play with tonight. Sorting and showering. Sounds like a great plan.

So if I celebrate a birthday twice in one month does that mean I have to add a year extra? Hope not!

Tomorrow, out to the shed to go through 9 or so boxes of pictures and frames. I hope to cut it down to half of what I have now. Gonna try anyway. Then maybe if I can get neighbor to help, I have some nice 'runners' that used to be in my house (about 2 1/2 by 8 feet long) that I want to get rid of. I have to unbag and unroll them first so it's going to be a big project. Will free up a lot of room though. Work work work.

Ahhhhh end of a long day! Hubby and I have mummy wrapped the Lil Soot. Son is down and out with a migraine and a sick tummy. Little ones are in bed and we are heading there now. Sleep well all.

Night L4L. I wish I could see a picture of Lil Soot. Sleep well. I'm headed there myself. I had a very relaxing day off. Back to work in the morning.

Night all.
Midgie

Home, fed, NCIS'd.....

to all heading for their pillows!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!

The taxi is home and parked and it ain't going anywhere any time soon. It is just too cold out there and the winds are making it brutal.

Ana now I know they are froze in cyberspace. Nice ya got to rounds of the club in though. They are saying that we might not even get above zero tomorrow. We are getting a light dusting of snow out there right now. Too little too late to help the pipes though.

Night L4l and Midge. Sleep well and pleasant dreams.

Trippy enjoy the new fallen snow.


Nan

Such a long day today...I am glad it's over. I got a flat tire themn after getting that fixed, I borrowed daughter my truck and then she called to say my check engine light came on. So when we picked up her car tonight, we dropped mine off.

Nan, stay warm!

gotta run..