Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
--Sue Murphy
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Alcoholic Side Effects
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuem, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear".

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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$1000 Competition
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet"

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!!

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The scrawny little man replied "I work for the IRS."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"The heck with it!" he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.

"How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: Where are you from?

I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.

The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.

Of Course, replies the second man.


Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?

Dublin, comes the reply.

I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.

Of course, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?

Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.

This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.

Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Malley twins are drunk again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

I had the worst falling dream last night.

I dreamed I tripped and fell off the Earth.

I'm still falling.

This Tuesday for me.

I'm off again on Friday.

That makes Friday Sunday, and Saturday Monday.

I gotta stop doing that. I was thinking about deep stuff like that when I got dizzy, and fell off the Earth to begin with.

I've been compared to Albert Einstein, but that was before I cut my hair.

It wasn't a fair comparison to begin with.

I don't even like apple stroodle.

It's time for meditation.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Thanks for the chuckles Joe. I hope today goes smoothly for you.

Today is hubbys ex's celebration of life so I will spend the evening there since Sam asked me to be there for her. That won't be awkward at all. Diane and I got along but her friends don't like me at all. Should be interesting, but all that matters is that Sam wants me there.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Ana

Good morning Joe and Ana and to the boomers that follow. Hope everyone has a great start to the week.

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a most wonderful Monday!

Ana, you are an amazing woman and such a mom!

Hey, manxman! Have a great Monday!

Still Sunday evening for me.....

So.

To all abed, To all awake,

Good morning boomies,a full day for me,
and the day is and rainy.
Have a nice day.

Good morning Joe,Ana,manxman,Darlene,Haroula Love the Warnings Joe Have a happy day all,coffee in the corner

Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman,Darlene, Haroula, and Cailyn. Hey Joe what day is it? Ana you have the strength to handle whatever may come your way this evening. Manxman enjoy your Monday too. Darlene sweet dreams. Haroula hope you stay warm! Cailyn how are you doing? Is your weather as mild as mine? Happy Monday all!

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs. Hope the week passes by quickly for you till Friday comes along.

Ana, whatever the evening brings I'm sure you can handle it.

Manxman, good morning!

Darlene, sweet dreams.

Haroula, wishing you a good day dispite the weather.

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, wishing you a great day!

Midgie, enjoy the start of a new week. Hope you have an easy workday!

A trip to K Mart is on the agenda today as there's a few things on sale that's looking good.

Good morning. Clear skies out there and temps are in the 30's. Not bad for the last day of January. Where did this month go? Morning Joe. Thanks for opening for us. You're the best. Hi Ana. You're amazing. Hi Manxman. I hope your day is awesome. Morning Darlene when you come back in. Safe travels for your Mom. Hi Haroula. Have a great day. Morning Sue, Gerry, Gail, and everyone else who comes in the door. Thanks Gail. I'll be working with my favorite clients. They treat me like family and I feel like they are part of mine.

Have a great day everyone. Be good and try to pay it forward for someone. It's an amazing feeling when you can.

Midgie

'Morning, again, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Magnificent Monday ya'll

I am cooooooooooooooold! The heater is running! Long pants, shoes, t shirt and fuzzy housecoat is the dress of the day and I'm still cold. I feel like I'm getting something that I would really rather not have. I'm thinking of heading back up and hiding under the covers in hopes of refusing delivery. If it can't find me,it can't make me sick (er).

Ana, hugs and good for you for being there for Sam!

Hi, everyone. Long time no type.

Sorry I've been away. Have been busy looking for another job and, well, trying to use the internet as little as possible except for e-mailing resumes in order to save on electricity. As some of you may already know, they started cutting me down to one day a week at work. This week I actually have three days for a change, though next week I'm only scheduled for one again. I talked to helpful manager and told him what was going on. He couldn't help me a few weeks ago, but I told him that this has been going on for several weeks, and that my current manager was doing nothing to help. So he said he would see what he could do about next week, and I'll be able to talk to him tomorrow since we'll both be in.

Also, the representative from the company that "took over" our jobs may soon have an opening for me. They actually pay better than my current job and have more hours to offer, so even if I was only hired part time initially, I'd still be a lot better off than I have been. So as of now, I'm just waiting and hoping for good news while simultaneously just trying to stay afloat at my current job.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to go back to my regular posting schedule. If I disappear again for a while, though, you will know why. Here's hoping I won't have to.

Okay, off to catch up on what I've missed. Hope everyone's Monday is going well so far.

Good morning friends.

Venus, the best of luck on getting the new job. Hope it works out for you.

Susie is going to accept the new position at the hospital if they ask her and I really don't think that is going to be a problem as she is so well liked there. Will know for sure this weeki.

Saw Ginny for a few minutes this morning and she is really excited about going to her first session and finding out about the prosthetics. The therapy office is just a few minutes to where she is living right now.

I need to do my treadmill. Have a good day everyone.

Bets

Thanks, Bets. to Susie, as well! Hope she gets the position.

Well, haven't hidden yet. It has turned into a wonderful day out...near 60's and sunshine...so will take the monkeys out in a bit. At the moment I'm climbing Mt. St. Laundry though (found some socks for hubby hidden in a basket of towels), and then I think Lunch and then monkey walking!

Hubby and I kicking around dates for me to visit with daughter in Ohio. Hubby does not want me to drive myself as I have never driven in snow/ice, and I can get lost heading to the bathroom. If I go, I'll take Sky with me at least. The other doggies are really not a problem to watch but Sky still needs a watchful eye. We shall see.

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