A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Mae West
I must have it then. Short, dumpy and bald describe me to a T. There you go Ana.
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Classified adds2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
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Based on Actual Court Room Transcripts of Trials.How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
Well, a gal down the road had had several
of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said
he was really good.
Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?
Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you
are emotionally unstable?
I used to be.
How many times have you comitted suicide?
Four times.
Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?
Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.
What happened then?
He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Did he kill you?
No.
Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed
on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed
on dead people.
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Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.
When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I thought this day would never get here.
I've been waiting 60yrs 2mos and 2days.
I may never dupilcate that feat again.
Few people in my family have made it to 120 years.
My last granny came close. She lived 99 years.
If I live that long I'd have another 39 years to kick around.
I could put off working on my bucket list at least another 34 years.
WOOT?? We're out of toiletpaper again?
Sorry everyone I've gotta go.
There are two tacos with my name on them in Taco Bell.
Half a happy day everyone.
Try and enjoy the other half too.
joe
acebook
witter
Coffee,eclairs,cream puffs in the corner 
Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and the rest of the gang when you get here. I wish everyone a fabulous Hump Day! 
. It feels good to have friends who support your heart and soul! Congrats to the weight loss and to your stamina. And oh yes, I’am glad you are sore at the moment….You know, I’am definitely no Cassius Clay. 
Nan, I hope your ankle is feeling much better today. 
No good samaritains here. 
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