But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
George Bernard Shaw
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In Canada we have been blessed with a national police force, the famous Royal Canadian Mounted Police or "Mounties". Although most are good people, some are a bit arrogant and often the brunt of jokes leveled at the by other agencies.
Two Calgary City cops are killed in a gunfight and find themselves standing at the back of the line to see St. Peter.It gets pretty boring after a while and they decide to find out what's taking so long and stroll up the line. As they approach St.Peter,a scarlet clad Mountie on a beautiful stallion at the full gallop, rides past everyone and the pearly gates open up instantly to let him in.
The two Calgary Cops look at each other and then at St.Peter.One says,"Hey buddy,what's with us waiting all day and that Mountie jumping the line?"
St.Peter looks up from his ledger and sighs. "He does this all the time."
The two cops shake their heads and mumble something unpleasant. At that moment the gates open up and the same,scarlet horseman gallops back out into the clouds.
Now the two city cops are really miffed and as their turn on the ledger looms the gates open up once more for the speeding horseman. At the big desk,St. Peter looks down at them and asks their names. "Never mind our names," says one cop,"Just who the heck is that [blip] Mountie?" St.Peter fixes them with a withering glare.
"That,gentlemen is GOD, He just thinks He's a Mountie."
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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"
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A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line..
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car and opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, because there ain't no way I can pass that test."
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's way past my coma time and I can barely stay awake.
I desperately need to just let go.
I may never want to get up.
That was a stupid statement.
I absolutely NEVER want to get up......EVER!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
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Coffee in the corner 
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