You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen
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Snowed In
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning
coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the
radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
odd-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his
coffee and replied, "Jeez, OK."
Two days later, again they were both sitting down with their
cups of morning coffee and heard the weather forecast:
"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
even-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his
coffee and replied, "Jeez, OK."
Three days later, they both were once again sitting down
with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast was,
"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on
the..." and then the power went out so Ole didn't get the
rest of the instructions. He said to Lena, "Jeez, what am I
going to do now, Lena?"
Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, yust leave the car in the garage."
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More Minutia39 There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.
40 The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
41 The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three Times each morning.
42 The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
43 The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
44 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
45 The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
46 Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears never stop growing.
47 You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
48 A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
49 Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
50 The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
51 When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
52 Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.
53 A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded
54 "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
55 Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
56 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
57 "Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters.
58 Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
59 The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
60 If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction
61 China has more English speakers than the United States
62 Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
63 Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
64 An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.
65 Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.
66 Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.
67 According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
68 The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi- Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu - a New Zealand hill.
69 If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
70 Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a microwave in the building.
71 Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.
72 More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss.
73 Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.
74 Coca-Cola was originally green.
75 The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
76 The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting
down for a break in their soon-to-be new
store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling idiots."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well...
only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will
mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
members of the family and social circle have been
known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know
anything about penguins, did you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Good morning everyboomie. Welcome to Today's diner.
That would be Friday April 13th diner.
Hey, I can think of 13 good reasons to stay in bed today.
Then again I may find 13 points today, who knows?
I know I'm not asking ANY animals for advise.
Especially my animals.
Pepper would be like, "Go? Why go anywhere? Why? Stay here and let me stand on your shoulder all day and poo on it. We'll enjoy looking out the window all day looking at the wild birds, poor creatures. Want a cracker?"
Baby would be going, "Creek??? The creek again? No lets go run through the pasture, and run through the trees, and run through the pasture some more. I love all that grass in my face and not being able to see over it, and running blindly through the grass. It's FUN!! Can we huh? Can we huh huh huh?"
This is NOT a democracy.
I need to teach Baby to carry Pepper around on her back.
I can see them now, running through the pasture and disappearing into the grass.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
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witter
so I was born then~
Karen glad the Dr.visit went Ok!Happy B-day to your Mum.Midge prayers for you and your mother 
Gerry thinking of you hope things are getting better 
Cailyn how kind and generous of you to devote your Fridays to your Aunt! Enjoy the day all! 
Thanks to everyone for your prayers and positive thoughts. Today a trip to the grocery store is in the picture. To all here and all who follow have a Wonderful Friday the 13th. Danish and Ham and cheese omlets in the NC. 
It doesn't help that I have had a migraine for two days which is thankfully subdued with my migraine meds. 
to your mom. My daughters in on Tuesday next. Glad the old kidneys are srill doing what they are suppose to do! 
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