"Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings."
I wonder why they don't have an image of Jack Handy at Quote World.
I think he's very camra shy.
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
The plumber presented his customer, a lawyer, with a bill charging rates of $500 an hour. The lawyer was outraged, saying "I don't even make that kind of money - doesn't that seem a bit steep?" The plumber replied, "That's what I thought, when I was a lawyer."
Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
A lawyer's job is secure - who would build a robot to do nothing?
There's a true story about a convicted con man who was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which the judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors. Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.
Good morning everyboomie.
I think that's enough lawyer jokes for one day.
Wouldn't want anyone to think I was picking on lawyers.
Let's see, what day is this?
Oh yes, it's the day after yesterday.
Has it been a week already??
Where does the time go?
I think it went to the same place my dark hair went.
Away from me at the speed of light.
I think my consciousness is about to go the same way.
It's Friday for me and I am one happy camper.
I wish you all a happy day as well.