"Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings."
Jack Handey
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I wonder why they don't have an image of Jack Handy at Quote World.
I think he's very camra shy.
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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The plumber presented his customer, a lawyer, with a bill charging rates of $500 an hour. The lawyer was outraged, saying "I don't even make that kind of money - doesn't that seem a bit steep?" The plumber replied, "That's what I thought, when I was a lawyer."
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Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
A lawyer's job is secure - who would build a robot to do nothing?
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There's a true story about a convicted con man who was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which the judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
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Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors. Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I think that's enough lawyer jokes for one day.
Wouldn't want anyone to think I was picking on lawyers.
Let's see, what day is this?
Oh yes, it's the day after yesterday.
Has it been a week already??
Where does the time go?
I think it went to the same place my dark hair went.
Away from me at the speed of light.
I think my consciousness is about to go the same way.
It's Friday for me and I am one happy camper.
I wish you all a happy day as well.
joe
acebook
witter
to your mom. 
I am chipping away at my list of errands and things I haven't done and it feels great to get it off my shoulder. 
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