When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Twenty inflexible Rules in the office
1. Never challenge the boss. He is always right.
2. If the Boss is mistaken, see rule # 1.
3. Those who work hard always get more work. Others enjoy pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. denotes "Pull Him Down". The more capable, hardworking and dedicated you are, the more number of people will be involved in pulling you down.
5. If you are good, you will get a lot of work. If you are very good, you will get out of it.
6. When the Boss talks about improving productivity, he never includes his own self.
7. What you do in not important, what matters is what you say you have done and what you will be doing.
8. A pat on the back is only inches away from a kick in the behind.
9. Don't be indispensable. If you cannot be dispensed with, you cannot be promoted.
10. The more [blip] you take, the more you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a [blip] fool about it.
12. When you don't know what is to be done, walk fast and look concerned.
13. You cannot get work done by following rules.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
15. A lot can be filed under "Miscellaneous".
16. No matter how much you do, it is never enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are meant to be doing.
18. It is not essential to know your job in order to get promoted.
19. You only need to pretend that you know your job to get promoted.
20. All the blame for any situation can be put on the last person who resigned or was fired.
There are four tourists from Oklahoma who are visiting London. They go to see the Big Ben. They all climb up the tower and decide to throw their wrist watches from the top, then hurry down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist, Lamar, threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken four steps.
The second tourist, Vince, threw his watch and had hardly taken three before when he heard his watch shatter.
The third tourist, Harry, threw his watch and by the time he had taken two steps, the watch hit the ground.
The fourth tourist, Joe, threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a cup of coffee from a shop down the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How on earth did you do that?" asked all his friends.
"Simple", Joe replied, "My watch is slow by 30 minutes."
Good morning everyboomie.
I guess it's a good thing my watch is slow.
That's actually because of my time travels in my time machine.
In order to travel in time you have to approach the speed of light, and as you approach the speed of light, time actually slows down for you.
Do you know what the speed of light is?
It's 186,000 miles per second.
That would be around the Earth almost 8 times in a second.
Do you know what the speed of dark is?
Neither do I.
I hope it's really slow.
I'm fixing to go to bed, but I expect, as always, it's going to be way too fast, because the stupid light will come back around again and PUSH IT AWAY!!!!
My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.
Have a happy day everyone.