I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.

"Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.

A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.

"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"

"You mean if I become very sick?"

"Well . . . yes."

"If that happens, call a doctor!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. Well there you go. The chance of me telling you my age is zero.
~~~~~~~~

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During her annual checkup, the well constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly,

"I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness:

"Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Medical Breakthrough Medications


St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin - Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe thevictim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin - Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay - A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the dating pool.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie.

It's that time again.

Followed by that other time.

It seems my whole life is about time.

How I spent it, traveled through it, how I wasted it, tossed it away, how I loathed it, dreaded it, how I anticipated it, longed for it, how I loved it, never wanted it to end.

I'd like to go into more depth about it, but I don't have the time, sorry.

There was a time when I could sit here all night and talk about it, but those times are long gone now, with hardly the time to remember them.

Those times were so important in my life I can't tell you in so short a time.

There's just enough time to do some farming in Farmville before I turn to the dark side.

Not really. No time for that either.

No time left for you
On my way to better things
No time left for you
I found myself some wings

Rock & Roll.......

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Good morning to you Joe. You've reminded me of a Rolling Stones song:

Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side

Hope everyone enjoys their Wednesday

Manxman, I was singing the No Time song from the Guess Who. Now I have both tumnes in my head.

Thanks for the openers Joe and hope today is kind to you.

I'll be heading out early for some tests but I'll catch you all later in the morning. Have a happy day!

Ana

thanks , joe - hope you have a good day.

fantastic day to you all, fresh croissants on the counter

ana - was it the who ? or someone else ? why does strawberry alarm clock come to my poor tired brain ? is it morning , and time for toast and jam ?

Good morning boomers,have a lovely day

Good morning Boomers Coffee is on in the corner,on my way to the Gym.Have a great day everyone

Good Morning Joe, Ana, niteowl, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe time for arrowhead hunting! Ana hope the test go well. Nothing serious right? Niteowl croissants sound good this morning. Cailyn I'm ready for that coffee. To early for me to exercise! Have fun at the gym! Happy Day wished for all my Boomer Buddies!

Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, manxman, niteowl, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry and all who come in after me.

Ah, my eyes don't want to stay open this morning. At least it's my "first Friday" this week. Hoping the manager will be there today, as she said she'd be there sometime this week. Since the shipments keep showing up late, I'm backed up on my work. Wish they would get there on time.

Okay, have to run. Have a great day, everyone.

Hi venus. Enjoy your day!

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, happy morning to you!

Manxman, time doesn't ever seem to be on my side.

Ana, good luck on the tests.

Nightowl, good day.

Haroula, any plans today?

Cailyn, brought a very large coffee cup to the corner this morning.

Gerry, have a great day ahead.

Venus, hope the shipments start getting there on time.

Midgie, do you have the day off today?

To all who enter...grab a cup of Cailyn's coffee before I drink it all.

Good morning. Thanks Joe for opening for us. Hi manxman, Ana, Niteowl, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Venus, Gail, and everyone who comes into the diner today. Yes Gail, I have the day off. I'm getting ready to go visit my Mom again today. I spoke with her yesterday. She's looking forward to it. I think the weather is alot better today than last week. Ana I'm sending good thoughts and prayers to you.

Have a great day everyone. I'll see you when I come home. Please don't forget to exercise.

Midgie

niteowl, It's the Guess Who Here. I feel an Abbott and Costello moment coming.

Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Venus, Gail, have a great day!

Midgie, have a safe trip and a great day with mom.

Gotta run...

Good morning everyone. Bank and Sam's today. Hubby is trying to walk with me. He can only make it around the block, but it's a start. He gets very short of breath. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Hump day. Danish and Blueberry pancakes in the NC.

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you have the time of your life today!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, time to skoosh! See you later!

Joe thanks for the chuckles!! Time........I was thinking of the time when the lion will lay with the lamb and time will be no more!!

May work time fly and those mowers sell.

Manxman nice to remember the tune and the words! Have a lovely day!

Ana prayers that all goes well with your tests this morning! HUGS!!

Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry have a lovely day!

venus hope the manager shows up and that the shipments start arriving on time for ya. Have a nice day!

niteowl how's the garden going??? Have a lovely day!

Midge don't forget the Band. Have a safe travel to and from your moms with a lovely visit inbetween!!

Gail what fun plans for the day? Enjoy family night. Have a lovely day!

Connie hope that hubby is continuing to gain back his strength and appetite!! Have fun shopping and a lovely day!

Raining here and will be for the next few days. So I guess I'll have to game and put puzzles together till taxi time.

Roomies brother who had the quad bypass went back in with chest pain and they found that only one took so they had to put in 5 stents and in a week or two they will be putting in two miore.

Have a wonderful day everybody!!


Nan

Fabulous weather today. Sunny and Sixty which is my kind of day. All the doors and windows are wide open to let in the fresh air.

I was feeling grand after my two back surgeries and getting around quite nicely until Saturday. Went to the drugstore, stopped for lunch and then to K-Mart. While I was at the checkout in K-Mart I started feeling bad and just got progressively worse. Yesterday I was so tired and weak I just laid in bed or on the couch and slept for 24 hours straight. Chills alternating with sweats. Maybe it was a flu bug or something. Anyway, today I am almost back to my normal self - still a little tired and weak and my back has stiffened up from too much lying around. Managed to make it around the block on an early morning walk, but now I have no energy again. Will try to walk again this evening. Doctor appointment tomorrow for my first followup from the second operation. Hope the stitches are coming out - they ITCH!

Wonderful Wednesday Ya'll

I am struggling to wake my brain up this morning. I woke up sick yesterday and was hoping it'd go away by this morning...but no joy!

Hubby is off today and tomorrow to get ready for his trip. I have laundry to do and most likely won't do much more. He takes off Friday for 3 weeks in Australia. Yesterday middle son offered to watch doggies so I could go with him, which was very sweet but of course, much too late.

Joe, thanks for that timely opener.

Manx, have a wonderful day.

Ana,

Niteowl,

Haroula, what lovely things do you have planned for the day?

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. Have fun at the gym.

Gerry, how are you this morning?

Venus, glad it's Friday for you!

Gail, please please please share that coffee. Brain is being extremely stubborn this morning!

Midgy, hugs to you and mom and drive safely.

Connie, so glad hubby is beginning to walk with you. That's progress!

Darlene, happy skooshing.

Nan, eek....

ScarletDragon, be sure to let the doc know about that tiredness...Good luck tomorrow.

Coffee time...back later

The test didn't go as well as I had hoped, but this too shall pass.

Scarlet, sorry you are still under the weather. I hope you just caught a bug and it'll pass quickly.

Nan, prayers from roomies brother heading his way. I hope they can get it right this time.

Darlene, hope your day is wonderful.

Connie, I hope that hubby continues gaining strength. It must be frustrating for him.

L4L, never too late. Take the offer and even if you go a few days after soot, Go! Hope you feel better.

Off to the dog park and then home to play with my new weed wacker I bought yesterday. It's the simple pleasures in life.

Ana, enjoy your park trip!

No way I could go with Soot this time...no passport, no visa, but we'll look into it next year. Though truthfully, while I'd love to go tool around Australia, I'd much rather do it with Soot instead of being out and about while he is at work.

Last year he sometimes worked til midnight and then had to be back there at 7, and normally worked til 7 or 8....I would feel sooooo guilty to be playing tourist while he couldn't. But maybe next year I can meet him after the wargame is over and we can "play" though most likely not as he gets home on Saturday and another "game" starts Monday so it's not likely he could stay longer. We'll have to see what is what when next year's schedule is finalized.

Ohhhhh yummmmm! My tenant just rang my back doorbell, and I always dread that because if it's not rent time, it's usually something 'wrong' down there. BUT she hands me about a pound of the reddest, plumpest, perfect cherries I've ever seen! Her son, who moved away last October and has visited twice, sent them by US mail. Ohhhh, they are so sweet, never had such perfect cherries.

Life is good!

Hi everyone. Long time no see. How are you all ?
Jammy doughnuts & cupcakes in the corner !

Hi JennyP!! Good to see you. Mmmmm, cherries sound so good. They used to be very available here in the late Spring but I hear they are mostly shipped to Asia now...boohoo. Thanks to two guys, I have Time tunes in my head also! I like Nan's thought of time or not...! And to both Nan and Ana, I want the price of gas to go down. They are killing us with this!! Planted my greenhouse the other day and was happily surprised to find four tomato plants already several inches tall from heirloom seeds of last year. Off I go to walk a bit in the drizzle. Happy Gaming everyone!!

Talk about humming tunes: I can't get the BIMBO bread song ad out of my head. I find myself humming it all day. Hate that!

In other news, my sister had a beautiful 2 story huge cat condo cage thingy built for her two cats. They used to be indoor/outdoor, but she got tired of people shooting them with pellet guns and all the extra care that comes with a wandering cat. So now they have the most awesome 4 by 5 by 6 foot high cage with all the fun stuff to climb and a kitty house in it, etc. I'm jealous! They just go through a little kitty door from the house right into the cage which sits on her back deck. Ahhh the good life!

I had good timing at the dog park. The place was crawling with sheriffs when I got there but apparently I missed the ambulances and commotion. THere was a big dog fight and the owners tried to break it up and I heard it was bad enough that the dogs and owners were removed by animal control and ambulances. Too many people coming with the nice weather that don't normally go and their dogs are not used to others.

L4L, I will gladly go with you so you have someone to wander around with during the day.

Sorta, the cherries sound awesome! Enjoy. Your sisters cats have it made! Very cool.


Jenny, I thought you were getting too famous for us. So good to see you.

Lotus, our gas went down ten cents overnight. I am hoping it will go down moer since I have to fill up in the next day or so.
That is great your tomatoes are coming back.

Off to get a few groceries and then playing in the yard.

Aw Ana sorry the test did not go the way you had hoped. That can be good or bad, depending on the test. If I don't pass one I just figure........the old gray mare ain't what it use to be. Not that my hair is gray though.

L4l I can see your why's for not going. One day maybe he won't have to work so much and you can go and enjoy the area!!

Oh Sorta how wonderful!! I love cherries!! My fav fruit!! The set up your sis has sounds really nice!!

Lotus me too!!! I have and had relatives in Oregon. When I was growing up we went to visit and my cousins hubby worked for the university system on an experimental cherry farm. He would take us there to pick all the cherries we wanted. Yummmmmmmy!!

Jenny glad you could stop for a moment. Hope life is going well for you now that you are famous!!! Reeses and grape juice in the corner.

Scarlet glad you are better now. Some of those "bugs" can be nasty!! Good luck at the doc tomorrow.

Well time to think about getting ready so I may take the taxi out. Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all!!


Nan

Hi Boomers.

Haroula, in Enngland we pay twice as much for petrol ( gas ) as you do in the USA. Sadly we do not get double the wages.
OOh, am I a celebrity now ? Does that mean severe dieting ???
Enjoy taxiing Nan
Night all from the house of fame. Sadly no one has told the cats and trhey are massacring their latest victim . I need a BUTLER !!!

Hello everybody.

I'm home and exhausted.

I hate Summer.

I hope everyone is having a great day. I'm off to the shower.

joe

Joe, I hope you feel better after your shower.

Jenny, according to the London shops you are a celebrity.

Haroula, sweet dreams.

SpaceQ, did you get to the park?

Nan, have fun tonight.

Off for my sunset bike ride. I got a lot of gardening done this afternoon. It's looking good!

Ana

Back from my Mom's and feeling sad because she can't express herself anymore. I hugged her alot and told her that I loved her, then after a couple of hours went to her apartment and packed some of her things because we have to get her out of there by the end of the month. Then I lost it. Need a few hugs please. It's so difficult to talk to her and get a reponse. She can't put her thoughts into her words. She gets so frustrated. I just told her that it was OK. How do you get through this? I know she's in a good place that takes care of her but she can't communicate with me. Sorry if I'm not making any sense.

Thanks Nan for your band of angels today. The trip was smooth both ways. No problems except so much traffic.

I'm gonna call it a day. See you guys in the morning.

Midgie

Ana,

I actually got in two parks runs.

Good night Boomers.

Midge,

Tight hug. Take care and hope you can sleep.

Big hugs for you, Midgie!

Big Hugs Midgie. You have all of us around you.

SpaceQ, I am glad you got out twice.

Mag,

Darlene, hope your evening is peaceful.

Great bike ride and a beautiful sunset tonight.

Ana

Ahhhh Midgy, such a hard thing. Hugs to you both...

Huge hugs to you Midgie. You will get through this but it isn't easy. Life can be so sad sometimes....and you were very understandable.

Hugs to you Midge.

Take care.

Chief

Midge !!! Oh and you are welcome! Glad your travels were safe.

Space how nice to get in two park runs.

Night Haroula sleep well.

Night Jenny sleep well. When does the Butler arrive??

Hi MaG!

Darlene have a lovely evening.

Ana glad you were a little late to the park today so neither you nor the dogs were involved. Hope the rest of the day is going well.

Joe glad work is over for the day! Relax and enjoy what is left of the day!

Hi Lotus!!

Taxi home and parked. Not sure about the fun time but all is well. Had to take one of my riders to the ER. Had had been at the doc this morning and had blood drawn. Well his arm had doubled in size cause I the bleeding didn't stop like it should have. He is safely home now and I'm hoping all will be well for the night. He will see is doc in the morning.

Night to all those off to bed!!


Nan

Nan, I think you should rename the taxi to an ambulance or hospital shuttle. Thank goodness you are around to help everyone. I hope your friend is okay.

Sweet dreams...

Ana