Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Agusto, a Mexican bandit robbed a bank. As he was trying to escape with the booty, the sheriff and his deputy chased him and tracked him down in the woods.
Agusto was handcuffed, and the sheriff, who didn't know Spanish, asked him where he had hidden the loot.
"No se nada," he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to Agusto's head, turned to his deputy who could speak Spanish as well as English, and said, "Tell him that if he doesn't disclose where the money is right now, I'll blow his head to smithereens."
On receiving the translation in Spanish, Agusto got excited and started talking. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."
The sheriff asked the deputy, "What's he saying?"
The deputy replied, "He says he wants to die like a man."
Rip, a Sea monster, and Jin, a Sea serpent, were friends. They were swimming around looking for food. They came across a ship that was hauling potatoes. Rip, the sea monster, swam underneath the ship, toppled it and ate everything on the ship.
After some time, they came across another ship, again carrying potatoes. Rip again went on a rampage, turned the ship upside down and ate everything the ship was carrying.
They found a third ship which was also hauling potatoes and Rip attacked once again and gobbled up everything.
Finally his friend Jin asked him, "Why do you keep toppling those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"
Rip replied, "I don't know. I guess it's really true when they say no one can eat just one potato ship."
The village blacksmith, Joe was looking for an apprentice and was happy to find his wife's brother Pip, who was willing to work hard for long hours.
Joe immediately began giving instructions to Pip, "When I remove the shoe from the fire, I'll put it on the anvil; and as soon as I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
Pip, the apprentice did exactly as he was told, an is now awaiting his murder trial.
Professor Marcus, a linguistics teacher was in the middle of his lecture.
He said, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. However, there are some languages like Russian, in which a double negative remains a negative. But there is not a single language in the world, in which a double positive can convey a negative."
Jason, a student, sitting in the last bench retorted, "Yeah, right."
Good morning everyboomie.
Anybody going trick-or-treating tonight?
I'm going to imagine that Summer is over, and Fall is here.
Maybe I'll feel cooler this week while I am off.
Actually October is when my next vacation will be.
I can't wait.
So this week I start dieting to cut down on my calorie intake.
I'll start eating less of everything.
Like for breakfast, where I normally cut my 3 waffles into 7 pieces, now I'll only cut them into 5 pieces, so I'll be eating 6 fewer pieces.
Multiply that times 365 days and that's 2,190 fewer bites from breakfast alone.
Hmmmmm I should write a dieting guide book.
It seems so simple, and yet many people would never even think of that.
Have a happy Halloween everybody and remember, you are what you eat, so eat lots of sweets.