A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait, someone else is using it."
The Dalai Lama goes to a vendor selling hamburgers and says, "I want one with everything."
The vendor gives him one and says, "Four bucks."
The Dalai Lama hands him a $5 bill, and waits for the vendor to give him the change but the vendor seems to be ignoring him.
The Dalai Lama finally asks, "Where's my change?"
The burger vendor replies, "Change only comes from within."
A well-endowed adolescent girl has severe cold and goes to see a doctor for examination.
The doctor who was standing behind the girl, leaned over her shoulder with a stethoscope to his ears and said, "Big breaths".
The young girl, hesitated for a moment, and then replied, "I know, and to think I'm only 13!"
James, an anthropologist decides to study the natives of a distant tropical island. He goes there, finds a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote location where he would make his collections. The river takes them downstream, and in the eve of the of the second day, they hear the distant sound of drums. Being the nervous types, James is disturbed by the sound of the drums and asks the guide, "What are those drums?"
The guide replies, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Then, after a few hours, the drums suddenly stop! James is nervous as hell and he shouts at the guide: "Those Drums have stopped, what now?"
The guide bends down, covers his head with his hands and says, "Bass Solo".
Tina asks Bill, "Will you love me when I'm old and graying?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"
You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...
* your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
* you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
* you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
* you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
* you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
* you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
* you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
* you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
* your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
My five-year-old boy, Neel, loves to sit on his grandfather's lap and listen to stories read out to him. One day, after his grandfather had told him the story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of different animals to the safety of the ark, Neel asked, "Grandpa, you are so old, I am sure you were also in Noah's ark, were you?"
His grandfather replied, "No, my dear".
Neel asked, "In that case, how is it that you survived the flood?"
So what will your career be - check some definitions.
Who is an accountant?
A person who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Who is an actuary?
A person who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Who is an archaeologist?
A person whose career lies in ruins.
Who is an architect?
A person who makes beautiful models, but unaffordable realities.
Who is an architect?
A person who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Good morning everyboomie.
Another day another....you know......24 hours.
My day starts at 5:00am so I think it's gonna be about 27 hours.
At any rate, the time is 8:00, and I have a date, and I can't be late, or it WILL be late.
Have a happy day everyone.