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#839814 - 10/02/12 07:51 PM Whump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30152
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

AMEN brother!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the
family that he had Died of a 'massive internal [blip].'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications. ?Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
. . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.
Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, Entered . . . It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for
immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, Which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing And further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with
tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ADULT TRUTHS


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again..

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies......Quit Laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning ever.e.one. wave

Come one come all
It's your breakfast meal call
Have some coffee and a roll
Go outside and shoot a mole
If you kill him, cook him good
Fresh meat with eggs is real fine food.

That's a real Okie meal right there. snicker

It's best if you don't read this until after you've eaten your real breakfast, ok? wink

I want to thank someone for sending me the jokes........ headscratch.........so if you sent them......thank you!

I'll think of you at Christmas. thumbsup

No gift, but I've always heard it's the thought that counts. think

After all, I am NOT a thoughtless person, and to prove it, I think you should all have a happy day. yes





Edited by gymcandy1 (10/02/12 07:53 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#839823 - 10/02/12 08:41 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65783
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe. grin
Another early day for you?

I'll be at Zumba and then not sure if I will be in the corner or not.

I hope you all have a great day!

Sue, missing you! Hope all is well.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#839879 - 10/03/12 03:16 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6096
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who arrive later waveAna I've been sick with a chest and head cold sick I'll put the coffee on and then it's back to bed for me,enjoy the day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#839880 - 10/03/12 03:19 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8105
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Sue and all smile
The dr. said I must take another
antibiotic for my throat-nose-ear thing smirk
I hate medicines yes
I hope you all have a nice day wave


Edited by Haroula (10/03/12 03:20 AM)
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#839892 - 10/03/12 05:09 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17620
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe love the funnies. ana hope you have a stress free day. Cailyn I wish you well. I've missed you! Haroula hope you feel better too. Take Care all! Enjoy your day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#839901 - 10/03/12 06:11 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14784
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're too funny. thanks!

Ana, enjoy Zumba.

Cailyn, good morning and hope you feel better soon.

Gerry, have a great day!

Haroula, hope the meds help you get better quickly.

Connie, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day!

To all who come in I'm wishing a wonderful middle of the week. Dog walking this morning then not sure what's in store for the day. Sherlock Holmes and Watson have been needing my help so I need to get back to that at some point today. lol
_________________________
Gail

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#839911 - 10/03/12 07:15 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 935
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all wave Gameboomers!

Calling for isolated T-Storms and 84 today! What a wonderful Wednesday! I'm getting a car today and the sky is the limit! ... think Well, perhaps not the sky but definitely over the river and thru the woods! lol

More trouble typing. More feeling in my left hand and less in the rt. This too shall pass.

Sue and Haroula, sending good healing thoughts your way. smile

I'm sipping my first cold caffeine of the morning wondering what to put in my empty cavernous tummy. What i would like is a McDonalds Bacon, Egg & Cheese Bagel Sandwich. What I have is oatmeal or Cheerio's. I'll think of something...

Have a great day all!

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#839912 - 10/03/12 07:26 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8199
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Sorta, prayers for your partner in crime. hearts Cailyn, I hope you feel better quickly. hearts Haroula, I hope the new meds work quickly. hearts A Costco trip is on the agenda today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#839932 - 10/03/12 09:14 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
WooHoo Joe.....this is it! Tomorrow you can sleep in and work late. I think I like the work early though but not as early as you have to be there. 7am is a good time. lol

Oh and you can have Baby for the night too. That makes it all worth it. Hope work flies and goes well. Thanks for the laughs!!

Ana enjoy class and I hope you will have at least today for some fun times before you have to head for the corner for a week. A run in the park or at the river.... maybe??

Cailyn sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. HUGS!! Prayers that you are well in know time at all.

Haroula prayers that the new meds have you feeling well in no time at all! HUGS! Hope everybody else is feeling ok!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Ah Gail have a lovely walk with the dog! Have fun helping out Sherlock. lol Have you watched that new show called "Elementary"??? It's a modern day guy called Sherlock. Interesting!! Have a lovely day!

Oh Sharon could we have your thunderboomers???? I'll trade ya! Lake Superior lost four inches of water in September alone. eek That equals a lot of water concidering the lake size.

Some areas here will be under a winter storm watch from Thursday thru Friday! scared With the possibility of six, that's right, six inches of wet white stuff. Mainly around the Canadian border.

Have fun with the rental and be careful if the rainstorms come!

Connie have a lovely walk and have fun shopping at Costco!! Thanks for the danish!

No plans till taxi time except to walk Sassy and do some gaming.

wave
Nan

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#839937 - 10/03/12 10:02 AM Re: Whump Day [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9480
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a wonderful Whump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Hey, Midgie! I record the new NCIS, then watch it the next night. I look forward to seeing it tonight!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#839963 - 10/03/12 12:05 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11422
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
What a morning. Went to Wally World, got home, and discovered I was missing a bag of stuff. Had to go back and get it. Geez, I hate those carousel thingies that hold the plastic bags. Thought the checker had put all the bags in my cart while I was paying. That is the second time that has happened. Next time will twirl the thingie around and check all the bags. Now, my big question is.... where did I start? lol

It is so nice out. Shirt sleeve weather.

I'm home for the rest of the day. Uh-oh, just looked at the time. Time to get lunch ready.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#839981 - 10/03/12 01:02 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42641
Loc: Alabama
Ahhhh, up for the 2nd time. I woke up at 4:30 and could not fall back asleep. Ended up walking around in a daze for most of the morning. Finally grabbed the dogs and went back to bed. Now feeling much better. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#839994 - 10/03/12 01:52 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2163
Loc: Lexington, Texas
L4L, I do that too -sometimes reading can put you back to sleep. Once I started playing Oblivion at 4AM and by 10AM the cats were beating me up for their breakfast -I never stopped playing.

The new Doom will be out in 20 days....hurry!! Then the next milestone is Killzone 4 then play station 4 thenthenthen...Can one take her playstation to heaven with her?

Lovely October weather. Cool nights warm days. It's supposed to be in the 90's in a few days.

My 3 daughters have joined an organization and they raid the bad puppy mills. How exciting. When a raid is planned they hop on a plane and get wherever and raid. And it's a good cause. I knew my daughters are Vikings.

Enjoy the day and hit those games
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#840010 - 10/03/12 02:44 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65783
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Not much sleep last night. Shadow started not feeling well at 1am and we were up and out every hour after that. Lack of sleep and the rainy day gave me a headache that I am trying to get rid of.

Sue, glad to see you here but sorry you are under the weather. Chamomile tea and chicken soup in the corner for you.

Haroula, I'm sorry you need another round of meds. Don't forget to take probiotics especially if you are taking antibiotics.

Gerry, have a great day.

Gail, I hope you are able to help Sherlock and WAtson today. lol

Sharon, have fun zipping around today in your rental. yay

Connie, have fun at Costco. They have added so many new healthy options lately, I am really loving it!

Nan, it's a rainy day here so no park run. Zumba was great though even with my pounding head.
Still unsure if I am heading to the corner or not.

Darlene, hope you are having a good day.

Bets, I hate going back to the store because you left something. Send heat my way. I am not ready for this fall weather.

L4L, I hope the rest of day goes smoothly for you.

Yankee, how wonderful of your daughters to do that. You raised them right!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#840021 - 10/03/12 03:39 PM Re: Whump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8105
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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