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Tuesday's #842629
10/15/12 07:59 PM
10/15/12 07:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming.

Since it's so early in the morning... ...new thoughts are a forming in my head.

They're largely incoherent. That's nothing to do with how early it is though.

They're just largely incoherent.

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or "What have you been drinking?"

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you freak."

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street.

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"

"No"

{{{{"DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}}

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're crazy. It's not even cold out.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Having internet problems. Please send help!! frown


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842670
10/15/12 11:10 PM
10/15/12 11:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Oh Joe, I can understand the internet woes. Comcast finally admits it's them and they discovered the problem for me. yay I hope your internet feels better tomorrow.

I'll talk to you...then you can stop chasing strangers. hearts

All is well in my corner of the world again. I danced away my troubles last night. grin

Have a great day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #842694
10/16/12 02:53 AM
10/16/12 02:53 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana waveAna glad your internet is solved! I'll put the coffee on enjoy the day everyone sherlock


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842695
10/16/12 02:54 AM
10/16/12 02:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842703
10/16/12 06:05 AM
10/16/12 06:05 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842704
10/16/12 06:28 AM
10/16/12 06:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers. Sorry you're having puter problems. Morning Ana kissy, Sue, Haroula, venus, Gail when you come in,and everyone. Have to get ready for work. Have a great Tuesday. Exercise smile

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842711
10/16/12 08:17 AM
10/16/12 08:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a good day!

Ana, glad you danced away your troubles. Glad you finally got the internet straightened out.

Cailyn, need a super duper large cup of hot coffee this morning.

Haroula, good day!

Venus, hope your work is easy today.

Midge, have a great day.

I have a post-op Doc visit this morning. Be back later on. Wishing All a great day!


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842731
10/16/12 10:48 AM
10/16/12 10:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I'll be doing some book cooking and some laundry and some vacuuming some dog feeding and some goofing off. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842752
10/16/12 12:42 PM
10/16/12 12:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Is everyone taking the day off? Quiet here today.

I have a migraine today that just keeps getting progressively worse so I am going to walk the dogs by the river in hopes that fresh air will will make it go away.

Gail, hope it's all good news at the docs!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842753
10/16/12 12:51 PM
10/16/12 12:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs!! Hope work flies so you can get started on a day off!

Ana great that they found the problem and now have it fixed!! happydance Glad you danced your troubles away!! Are you in the corner???

Cailyn that is just too early to be etting up when you don't have to. eek Hope you find time for a nap!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Venus......happy whooooooshing!!! lol

Midge have fun at work. Me and Sassy will be walking at least four times today, well if the rain goes away! Have a lovely day!

Gail prayers for the doc appointment!! May everything be healing well and the pain less! HUGS!

L4l sounds like you have a full day!! eek Have fun!

Daughter and SIL's anniversary today!! Going bed shopping!!

wave
Nan

Edit: Ana prayers that the fresh air and the river scene take the migraine away for ya. HUGS!!

Last edited by auntiegram; 10/16/12 12:52 PM.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842761
10/16/12 02:06 PM
10/16/12 02:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
It is such a gorgeous day out there that I just had to go walking. The doggies and I did a mile while enjoying the bright sun and mild temps. Dogs were just a little fractious at first but good behaviour was quickly restored and we had a great walk.

Ana, hugs! I hope the headache retreats soonest.

Nan, grats to daughter and Sil. You are a rock to get Sassy out so often for walks puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram] #842762
10/16/12 02:07 PM
10/16/12 02:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
SharonB Offline
Addicted Boomer
SharonB  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
Good afternoon, Joe and all Gameboomers! wave

Joe -- I enjoy your jokes everyday and they start me out in a good mood. Some though just make me "laugh out loud.." -- "Meals on wheels.." rotfl That really tickles me.

Ana, hope you can get rid of the migraine soon.

Sue, Haroula, Venus, Midge -- A great day to you all.

Gail, Hope you are out of pain and the Dr appt goes really well.

Looney, I like the goofing off part. lol

Nan, Enjoy your shopping. Walking 4 times?? I count it as a great success if I get out for a walk once a day. Have to do better. Trying to achieve every day.

Have a happy, healthy, gaming day all Gameboomers! rah flowers burger

Re: Tuesday's [Re: SharonB] #842764
10/16/12 02:21 PM
10/16/12 02:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You make me chuckle... hearts Hopefully, your Tuesday is absolutely terrific!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

I'm home today. Nasty, nasty cold. Need to hunker down....

Off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Darlene] #842768
10/16/12 02:56 PM
10/16/12 02:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. wave

I have internet.......for the moment. Don't know if it will let me post this though. smirk

I just started a week off. penguin YAA HOO!!!

I'm on my way over to Mom's. BIL & sister are supposed to be back here today.

Still much work to do. yay

I'll be back here later "hopefully". yes

I hope you guys are all having a super day. broccoli

Sharon thanks! thumbsup

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842773
10/16/12 03:07 PM
10/16/12 03:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sharon, yes indeed, you'll have to work up to it slowly so as not to injure yourself.

Darlene, drink drink drink and drink! I hope you are soon feeling wonderful.

Joe, so glad you have net. Do you know what the problem is?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842782
10/16/12 03:23 PM
10/16/12 03:23 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
woot woot woot woot

My sweetie Doctor said they got it all and threw it in the trash! Did not spread anywhere else. rah

Cailyn, any coffee left? I'm celebrating!


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842790
10/16/12 03:47 PM
10/16/12 03:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Woo Gail!!!! I am so incredibly happy for you. Godbless! I think champagne is in order. lol

Ana hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842800
10/16/12 04:49 PM
10/16/12 04:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842801
10/16/12 04:50 PM
10/16/12 04:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Good news Gail! Nice.

Still waiting for COX to come to switch my phone service from ATT to them. Got a good deal, hope it goes well. All free install, etc. Then 6 months of lower cost saving me 54 bucks. That's 2 months of service free. Wheeee.

Did vacuuming. Did a cursory dusting. Made sure there was a plug for the new 'box' whatever that is for a reverse 911 function. I'll have to figure it out.

Wish this guy would show up early. They said 1-3pm and it's usually the latter. And he better be cute and smart and do a good job. happydance


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842802
10/16/12 04:56 PM
10/16/12 04:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Gail : bravoflowers
sleep wave

Last edited by Haroula; 10/16/12 04:56 PM.

I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842804
10/16/12 05:49 PM
10/16/12 05:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
WoooHooooo Gail, that is fantastic! Time to Celebrate!

Hi ya Quest wave

luck Sorta

Night Haroula sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842806
10/16/12 06:01 PM
10/16/12 06:01 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
It's 3 O'clock. Do you know where my COX cable guy is? Sigh. They promised. No call, nothing. I'll bet I get a call that they will be late or can't come after I waited all day and passed up a free lunch for this. Double sigh. cry


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842809
10/16/12 06:16 PM
10/16/12 06:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Comcast gives you a 25 dollar giftcard if they do not show in their two hour window now. That was a first! I hope he shows soon Sorta.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #842822
10/16/12 07:36 PM
10/16/12 07:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
bravo happydance Gail!!!!! Champagne is aging in the fridge chilling!! Another great answer to prayer!! thumbsup

Ana hope your head is feeling better now!!

L4l good for you and the dogs to get out and walk!!

Sharon yup!! I can't just open the door and let Sassy out to potty so we go walking. It is soooo much fun as long as the weather cooperates. lol The rain cleared out and it warmed to 61 so made it nice for walking.

Sorta hope they show up soon!!

Darlene prayers that you are feeling better soonest!! HUGS!!

Night Haroula sleep well.

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram] #842825
10/16/12 07:49 PM
10/16/12 07:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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