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#843567 - 10/20/12 12:03 AM Saturday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32194
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

Goodbye Prayers
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy. God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "1 don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

Doctor's blunders On medical records
♦Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
♦On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
♦The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
♦The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
♦Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
♦Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
♦The patient refused autopsy.
♦The patient has no previous history of suicides.
♦Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
♦Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
♦Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
♦She is numb from her toes down.
♦While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
♦The skin was moist and dry.
♦Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
♦Patient was alert and unresponsive.
♦Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
♦She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
♦I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
♦Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
♦The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
♦Skin: somewhat pale but present.
♦Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
♦Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
♦Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming. wave

Since it's so early in the morning... thoughts are a forming in my head. yes

They're largely incoherent, but that's nothing to do with how early it is. rolleyes

They're just largely incoherent. headscratch

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or "What have you been drinking?"

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you freak." taz

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street.

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"

{{{{"DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}} snicker

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're crazy. It's not even cold out. crazy

Have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (10/20/12 12:05 AM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#843571 - 10/20/12 12:24 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75370
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I've seen those men with that pretty white jacket before. Run! lol On the plus side, they give you a nice room and you get fed regularly. grin

I am hanging with my sister from Indiana all day and then meeting the rest of my family at daughters house for a party in the evening. It will be a fun full day.

I hope you all have a happy day!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#843578 - 10/20/12 02:20 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning eveyone,still cleaning
but the afternoom we have a bitrhday
Our little neighbor is one years-old happydance
Have all a nice day flowers
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#843579 - 10/20/12 03:16 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: Haroula]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 2226
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner

Morning Boom Boom Buddies wave

Have a good day everyone puppy Karen angel
"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~

#843580 - 10/20/12 03:51 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: Drmojo]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,Karen,and all who stop by later wave I'll put the coffee on for who ever needs some,and there is Diet coke for SharonB,have a great day everyone puppy
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#843582 - 10/20/12 06:34 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22793
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Karen and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling! Ana sounds like a fun day. Haroula enjoy the birthday party. Karen how are you doing? Hope all is well with you. Cailyn are you feeling better? Happy Day All! wave

#843587 - 10/20/12 06:52 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're funny.

Ana, sounds like you're in for a super fun day. Enjoy your family.

Haroula, have fun at the party.

Karen, talk to you later. Wishing you a wonderful day!

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. It must be quiet now at the campground.

Gerry, have a great day.

To all who come in after me...have some of Cailyn's coffee it's great!

Spending the day shopping and lunch with one of my daughters today.

#843590 - 10/20/12 08:16 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning everyone wave
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#843595 - 10/20/12 08:41 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7734
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning, everyone. wave I'm just going to have to do a quick stop by this morning, as fiance and I are going shopping with my mom. thumbsup

Hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday. cat
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#843606 - 10/20/12 10:03 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
I'm off to do some fall clesning of the state highway!!! Followed by some Roadhouse pizza and soda!! Have a wonderful day everybody.........I will!


#843620 - 10/20/12 11:48 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you have a happy day as well!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Hubby and I slept in. Now, he's getting the coffee.

Quiet day today. Just sluggin' around the house. One of my favorite kind of days... smile

Off to get a cup...
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#843628 - 10/20/12 12:06 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47575
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

It's a gorgeous day in Alabama. Son was up all night with the Per. Son woke me up 1ish to ask if he should take Per to the ER. I took a look and said "nope." The Per is sick but he is massively milking it to get all his dad's attention. Mention "park" or "zoo" and he makes a miraculous recovery. So easy to see as a grandparent and so hard to see as a parent.

Soot and I are going to see Tom Sawyer this afternoon and then coming home and making tacos for everyone. After dinner, if we can stand the noise, we'll play some WoW but as son's SO and her 2 boys will be here, I'm guessing not.

Joe, go with those guys some day. You might like the peace and quiet.

Ana, how is your burn? Is there an occasion this weekend or is your sister just visiting?

Haroula, first b'day parties are so fun. Enjoy!

Doc, how's life? Did you get your new chair yet?

Cailyn, I'll tend the coffee pot now. Thanks for starting it.

Gail, happy shopping!

Quest, what's up?

Venus, have fun!

Nan, busy day and I hope it's a fun one for you. wave

Darlene, enjoy the slugging.

Time for sipping and surfing!
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#843632 - 10/20/12 12:22 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75370
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Sis got stuck in an expressway closure for multiple accidents and I finally got her rerouted and on her way again.

L4L, enjoy your play and hope that you find some peace and quiet somewhere.
No occasion, daughter felt like having a party tonight so we all are getting together. Sis lives too far to come for a few hours so I invited to hang with me for the day.

Darlene, enjoy your slug day!

Nan, be careful on the highways. Enjoy the pizza. yay

Venus, have fun shopping.

Space, any weekend plans?

Gail, enjoy your mom/daughter day.

Gerry, have a great day.

Sue, thanks for keeping the coffee warm.

Doc, hope all is well with you. Is the mud going away?

Haroula, enjoy the party.

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#843633 - 10/20/12 12:32 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2402
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Well, no Doom today. Tracer says not till the 23rd and still in transit. Darn I wanted to play it this weekend.

Hi Karen how's the pony?

As for Castlevania -I'm at mr meany's doorstep -looks like Gabriel will be spending some time at the ER. If I can delete a chapter and replay it I can get another life gem which will add more health -muchly needed.

L4 -I bet our day is nicer than yours and tonight look for Haley's Comet debris passing through.

Oh yes!! I planted some 8 year old homestead tomato seeds and 4 are growing! Wow. Do you suppose they would grow inside in pots as we have grasshoppers galour and this winter is supposed to be cold. They'ed be nice houseplants.

Do something for your pets today
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

#843638 - 10/20/12 01:17 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47575
Loc: Alabama
Yankee, I bet they will grow just fine inside as long as they get enough sunlight.

Off to get ready for the play. Have a great afternoon guys wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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