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#843905 - 10/22/12 12:01 AM Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32197
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert X. Cringely,

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

Police in Oakland , CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!

A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise , as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

I am sending this only to friends whom I think have dabbled in
physics or advanced math at some point in their lives.

Math/Physics Question

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a bounding kangaroo,
and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this potentially
highly dangerous situation safely?

See answer below.

Get your drunk behind off of that merry-go-round.

Good morning everyboomie.

"Good morning Mr Sunshine. You brighten up my day. Come sit beside me in your way."

"Good morning Star shine. The Earth stands alone. You twinkle above us. We twinkle below."

"Good morning girl. How'd you sleep last night? You're several ages older now. Your eyes have started showing how, the little girl's growing now. Good morning girl."

There.....some wake-up music for you. Take your pick and I'll sing it to you personally.

Just don't ask me to sing you to sleep tonight. snicker

think "In the midnight moonlight hour, I'll be walking along that lonely mile, and every time I do, I keep seeing this picture of you."

Ok I gotta stop doing that. I could keep it up all night, and nearly did last night. slapforehead

It was after 2:00am when I went to bed, and longer for me to go to sleep.

Not because I was running around singing everyone to sleep mind you, but because I was watching music videos, and it got me all wound up.

"Now that woman that I had wrapped around my finger just come unwound." slapforehead

Ya see? Everything reminds me of a song that I like.

People used to tell me, "Gosh I just mentioned one word, and you start singing a song about it."

It's a curse I can't fight. blush

"Breaking rocks in the hot sun. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won."

I can break out in a song anywhere.

Most people would enjoy it too if I didn't sound like an alley cat caught in a clothes dryer. rolleyes

They say "Joe you missed your calling........calling pigs."

Pepper likes it.

Have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (10/22/12 12:04 AM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#843914 - 10/22/12 02:49 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day happydance wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#843915 - 10/22/12 03:11 AM Re: Monday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all boomers waveIt's the start of another week so I'll get the coffee ready,Hi gerry to you when you come in how are you feeling?Have a great day all sherlock
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#843924 - 10/22/12 05:35 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22799
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you sleep in this morning! Haroula have a nice day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'm good I think. I'm seeing a "floater" in one eye. Guess it's another old age thing! Hope you all have a great day! wave

#843926 - 10/22/12 05:47 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15613
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Joe my Mom used to do that all the time. She'd break into song if you'd say something from a song. Thanks. It brings back memories. kissy

Morning Haroula,Sue, and all who come in the diner today. I have an early shift again. Se you when I come home.

Midgie hearts
Just do it.

#843928 - 10/22/12 05:59 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7742
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Time for yet another work whoosh. wave

Have a great Monday, everyone. cat
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#843933 - 10/22/12 06:37 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we should all have a sing-a-long this morning!

Ana, is this going to be a relaxing day for you?

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, my coffee cup needs a refill, thanks.

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Midgie, enjoy your early shift.

Venus, besides work how have you been?

I had a busy weekend. Going to relax and take it easy today.

#843938 - 10/22/12 07:45 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10259
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We had a wonderful trip. We brought the laptops, but couldn't get either one of them to connect to the internet. They didn't like the way the router was set up. We visited some Historical sites, a Sea bird sanctuary, and a Botanical gardens. The weather was nice, but a bit warm. Now it's back to catching up to everything here. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets in the NC. summer

#843953 - 10/22/12 10:01 AM Re: Monday [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Love the songs! smile Have a great Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#843969 - 10/22/12 11:33 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11505
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Well, Good morning y'all.

I have been here, just night right here. Just don't know where the days have been going to. Got a haircut this morning, I was getting shaggy. Woof. Cleaned up under my sink as I am getting my new dishwasher installed this afternoon. I gotta do my treadmill and have orchestra this evening. Getting new music for the next concert. Hope it is good.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and it is going to be nice for the next couple of days. Can't complain about that.

I'm going to go sneak in some gaming before lunch, so I will wish everyone a wonderful day.

Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

#843973 - 10/22/12 11:43 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9564
Loc: San Diego, CA
Off to explore all the sidewalk/road construction on two nearby streets that dead end into mine. One is almost done (asphalt starting today) and the other just got a load of new phone poles delivered. Wheeee. Gotta see if ALL the residents heeded the NO parking signs. Bet they didn't. Gonna be fun. Saw already a major amount of extra cars parked on my street farther up. Suspect they are from the adjoining 'have to move' them street. So far, no extras on my side. I'm thinking of putting up cones, or barbed wire, or getting several attack dogs, or patrolling with a tank to keep them from parking in front of my house. rotfl
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#843992 - 10/22/12 01:31 PM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11505
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Does anything ever go right? Maybe, maybe not. In this case it is not. Couldn't install dishwasher because cutoff valve was in the way and also soldered in. Okay, our plumber can't get here till Thursday at the earliest. In the meantime, I use the one that is still in there. Ah well, life goes on.

Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

#843993 - 10/22/12 01:50 PM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3281
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning. Very chilly here, feels like snow. Huge thunderheads floating past..threat mostly, they say. I will be so glad when all this food is processed and all I have to do is cook it, lol. I am going to game a bit first, I really must!! Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming. wave
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

#843994 - 10/22/12 01:52 PM Re: Monday [Re: flutist]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32197
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. snicker

Maybe if you're on the West coast it's still morning. oops

I've been working on financial issues all morning, which required more cerebral activity than I'm used to. crazy

Sometimes my senses just suddenly shut down and I stare off into space for I don't know how long. cool

I call it SSO (sudden sensory overload). razz

Anyway there IS a reason that I didn't get here before lunch time, but we have storms approaching now and I have to post this quickly before they get here and kill my internet. happydance

I hope everyone has a fantasticly sensorically pleasurable day. thumbsup lol

Gotta run. The spell check police is after me.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#844002 - 10/22/12 03:12 PM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2402
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Hiho all, just browsing around, enjoying the day. Laundry, cleaning done -it's a hohum day.

Now have 9 tomato plants. If they all would grow -wow. I would eat them with olive oil and salt on homemade Italian bread -oh gosh that's good and then freeze the rest.

Off to the games -games prepare thyselves.
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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