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Monday #843905
10/22/12 12:01 AM
10/22/12 12:01 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert X. Cringely,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.


2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland , CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'



3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!


4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.



5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'



6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'





7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!


8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!
(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise , as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sending this only to friends whom I think have dabbled in
physics or advanced math at some point in their lives.
Enjoy.

Math/Physics Question

Situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a bounding kangaroo,
and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

Question:
What must you do to get out of this potentially
highly dangerous situation safely?

See answer below.















Get your drunk behind off of that merry-go-round.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie.

"Good morning Mr Sunshine. You brighten up my day. Come sit beside me in your way."

"Good morning Star shine. The Earth stands alone. You twinkle above us. We twinkle below."

"Good morning girl. How'd you sleep last night? You're several ages older now. Your eyes have started showing how, the little girl's growing now. Good morning girl."

There.....some wake-up music for you. Take your pick and I'll sing it to you personally.

Just don't ask me to sing you to sleep tonight. snicker

think "In the midnight moonlight hour, I'll be walking along that lonely mile, and every time I do, I keep seeing this picture of you."

Ok I gotta stop doing that. I could keep it up all night, and nearly did last night. slapforehead

It was after 2:00am when I went to bed, and longer for me to go to sleep.

Not because I was running around singing everyone to sleep mind you, but because I was watching music videos, and it got me all wound up.

"Now that woman that I had wrapped around my finger just come unwound." slapforehead

Ya see? Everything reminds me of a song that I like.

People used to tell me, "Gosh I just mentioned one word, and you start singing a song about it."

It's a curse I can't fight. blush

"Breaking rocks in the hot sun. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won."

I can break out in a song anywhere.

Most people would enjoy it too if I didn't sound like an alley cat caught in a clothes dryer. rolleyes

They say "Joe you missed your calling........calling pigs."

Pepper likes it.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 10/22/12 12:04 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843914
10/22/12 02:49 AM
10/22/12 02:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday [Re: Haroula] #843915
10/22/12 03:11 AM
10/22/12 03:11 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all boomers waveIt's the start of another week so I'll get the coffee ready,Hi gerry to you when you come in how are you feeling?Have a great day all sherlock


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843924
10/22/12 05:35 AM
10/22/12 05:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you sleep in this morning! Haroula have a nice day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'm good I think. I'm seeing a "floater" in one eye. Guess it's another old age thing! Hope you all have a great day! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843926
10/22/12 05:47 AM
10/22/12 05:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. Joe my Mom used to do that all the time. She'd break into song if you'd say something from a song. Thanks. It brings back memories. kissy

Morning Haroula,Sue, and all who come in the diner today. I have an early shift again. Se you when I come home.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843928
10/22/12 05:59 AM
10/22/12 05:59 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Time for yet another work whoosh. wave

Have a great Monday, everyone. cat


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843933
10/22/12 06:37 AM
10/22/12 06:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we should all have a sing-a-long this morning!

Ana, is this going to be a relaxing day for you?

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, my coffee cup needs a refill, thanks.

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Midgie, enjoy your early shift.

Venus, besides work how have you been?

I had a busy weekend. Going to relax and take it easy today.


Gail
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843938
10/22/12 07:45 AM
10/22/12 07:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We had a wonderful trip. We brought the laptops, but couldn't get either one of them to connect to the internet. They didn't like the way the router was set up. We visited some Historical sites, a Sea bird sanctuary, and a Botanical gardens. The weather was nice, but a bit warm. Now it's back to catching up to everything here. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday [Re: connie] #843953
10/22/12 10:01 AM
10/22/12 10:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Love the songs! smile Have a great Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843969
10/22/12 11:33 AM
10/22/12 11:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Well, Good morning y'all.

I have been here, just night right here. Just don't know where the days have been going to. Got a haircut this morning, I was getting shaggy. Woof. Cleaned up under my sink as I am getting my new dishwasher installed this afternoon. I gotta do my treadmill and have orchestra this evening. Getting new music for the next concert. Hope it is good.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and it is going to be nice for the next couple of days. Can't complain about that.

I'm going to go sneak in some gaming before lunch, so I will wish everyone a wonderful day.

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843973
10/22/12 11:43 AM
10/22/12 11:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Off to explore all the sidewalk/road construction on two nearby streets that dead end into mine. One is almost done (asphalt starting today) and the other just got a load of new phone poles delivered. Wheeee. Gotta see if ALL the residents heeded the NO parking signs. Bet they didn't. Gonna be fun. Saw already a major amount of extra cars parked on my street farther up. Suspect they are from the adjoining 'have to move' them street. So far, no extras on my side. I'm thinking of putting up cones, or barbed wire, or getting several attack dogs, or patrolling with a tank to keep them from parking in front of my house. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843992
10/22/12 01:31 PM
10/22/12 01:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Does anything ever go right? Maybe, maybe not. In this case it is not. Couldn't install dishwasher because cutoff valve was in the way and also soldered in. Okay, our plumber can't get here till Thursday at the earliest. In the meantime, I use the one that is still in there. Ah well, life goes on.

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #843993
10/22/12 01:50 PM
10/22/12 01:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Morning. Very chilly here, feels like snow. Huge thunderheads floating past..threat mostly, they say. I will be so glad when all this food is processed and all I have to do is cook it, lol. I am going to game a bit first, I really must!! Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming. wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Monday [Re: flutist] #843994
10/22/12 01:52 PM
10/22/12 01:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. snicker

Maybe if you're on the West coast it's still morning. oops

I've been working on financial issues all morning, which required more cerebral activity than I'm used to. crazy

Sometimes my senses just suddenly shut down and I stare off into space for I don't know how long. cool

I call it SSO (sudden sensory overload). razz

Anyway there IS a reason that I didn't get here before lunch time, but we have storms approaching now and I have to post this quickly before they get here and kill my internet. happydance

I hope everyone has a fantasticly sensorically pleasurable day. thumbsup lol

Gotta run. The spell check police is after me.

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844002
10/22/12 03:12 PM
10/22/12 03:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Hiho all, just browsing around, enjoying the day. Laundry, cleaning done -it's a hohum day.

Now have 9 tomato plants. If they all would grow -wow. I would eat them with olive oil and salt on homemade Italian bread -oh gosh that's good and then freeze the rest.

Off to the games -games prepare thyselves.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844013
10/22/12 04:25 PM
10/22/12 04:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844024
10/22/12 05:41 PM
10/22/12 05:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
I am here!! lol Been a long day!!

Joe you would fit right in with my mom and her sisters. When ever we all got together and somebody said a word one of them would start singing a song and the others would join in. lol

We were just talking about that this morning at my aunt's memorial(my moms sister). She was the last of the six to go. I guess they are all singing and playing bridge together in Heaven now. happydance

Ana hope that all is well in your neck of the woods!! HUGS!

wave Midge, venus, Cailyn, Gerry, Gail, Lotus, Darlene, Sorta. Have a wonderful day!

Bets sorry they couldn't install the new washer today. Have fun at orchestra tonight. Hope the music is a good pick!

Connie welcome home!! Sounds like you had a lovely time. Thanks for the danish!

Night Haroula sleep well.

Yankee no game yet??? Have fun with the ones you have!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844031
10/22/12 06:15 PM
10/22/12 06:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Oy! It appears I forgot to pop in this morning. oops

I am retreating back to the corner so I have been cooking things up for the week in the kitchen. It's been a rainy day with thunderstorms passing through on and off. I'll be heading to the club for my class shortly and then rushing home to watch the debate.

Connie, glad you had a great time!

Nan hearts

be back


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #844055
10/22/12 07:40 PM
10/22/12 07:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Not feeling well today with the passing of my doggie this weekend. puppy hearts


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844059
10/22/12 07:55 PM
10/22/12 07:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Oh no spaceq. My heart goes out to you. sad


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844060
10/22/12 07:55 PM
10/22/12 07:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yankee, I'm coming to your house for tomatoes wave

Hubby tells me he is hungry, so I'm off to the kitchen to create something filling! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844072
10/22/12 08:51 PM
10/22/12 08:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Aw SQFan. I'm so sorry your puppy has gone over the Rainbow Bridge. Hugs.sad

Tomatoes..yummy.

See you guys in the morning. I have the morning off. Laundry waits. Hi MaGwave

Midgie sleep


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844078
10/22/12 09:28 PM
10/22/12 09:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, I am sorry I was in my class when I posted before, now I am home.

I know how much your doggie meant to you and I feel your pain. I wish I could make things better for you, but I realise nothing I can say will fill the hole in your heart right now. I am sending prayers and positive thoughts for strength for you. Big HUgs...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #844084
10/22/12 09:55 PM
10/22/12 09:55 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Hugs to you, Space Quest!

MaG

Re: Monday [Re: MaG] #844087
10/22/12 10:12 PM
10/22/12 10:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everyone. wave

We had a cloudy so so day here, and the "storms" got to us and fizzled out. We got a sprinkle. smirk

SpaceQuest I'm so sorry to hear you lost your best friend. Many hugs and warm thoughts for you tonight. frown

Hi Ana, Hi MaG. wave

I have one vacation day left. smirk

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
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