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#844256 - 10/23/12 07:07 PM Back to Work Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29985
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
Albert Einstein
~~~~~~~~~~

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!" Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you this time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect
salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!" The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?" Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?" The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train." The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued "I got this dog for my wife." The Private simply said, "Good trade, Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.
The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied:
"I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Did you miss me while I was on vacation?

I'm sure by the time you've finished reading all those jokes, you'll be tired of reading, so I'll just say good morning all, & have a happy day. thumbsup

If you believe that, I got some prime property for sale I'd like to show you.

No takers? duh

No, it is NOT a swamp! It just has a minor drainage problem.

That could easily be remedied with a little ditch......about 20 feet deep......all the way around it.

Just imagine, you'll be the only ones in America with your very own genuine 16th century privacy moat.

You can keep out door to door salesmen and those relentless pesky relatives. Just keep the draw bridge up.

You'll be the envy of the neighborhood with that kind of security. woot

Ok I lied about that.

Your nearest neighbor will be 53.45 miles away.

It's not a town. It's the Office of the Interior.......with an adjoining bait shop........which also doubles as a Justice of the Peace.

There you go. Back to that privacy benefit. grin

There's lots of wildlife too.

Mosquitos, chiggers, ticks, snakes, spiders, and cute little swamp rats.

Oops! FIELD MICE! I meant to say field mice. blush

Ok, I gotta get up at 3:30, at the crack of dark.

Have a happy day you all.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#844301 - 10/23/12 10:44 PM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64686
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, that is just an ungodly hour to get up for work. I still cringe at all my 4 am mornings. I hope the day goes by fast for you.

Have a happy day everyone! It's been raining the last couple days and my poor pups are anxious to go running. I will skip my Zumba class and take them out instead. I only have time for one outing and I feel guilty leaving them.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#844318 - 10/24/12 12:15 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13581
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope the work day flies and goes well. Thanks for the chuckles. Well only two after today!!

Ana hope the project is moving right along and it won't be too long till a glimmer!! We have sat at 45 the last couple days with rain. A misty type. They say it might last all week. duh Hope they are wrong. Hope the weather is nice for a ood run with the dos!!

Midge prayers for the Band around you as you travel to and from your moms. HUGS!!

wave
Nan

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#844322 - 10/24/12 02:40 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7607
Loc: Greece

Good morning Joe,Ana,Nan and everybody happydance
Have all a lovely day smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#844324 - 10/24/12 03:28 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6028
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Nan,Haroula,and all who come in later wave I'll have the coffee ready for who ever needs it! Have a grand day everyone penguin
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#844330 - 10/24/12 04:34 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17004
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, Nan, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe have great work day! Ana have fun with your run with the pups! Nan and Haroula hope you enjoy your day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Keep Smiling everyone! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#844340 - 10/24/12 05:58 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14330
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sorry your vacation is over. Wishing you an easy day at work.

Ana, enjoy the dogs this morning. You'll be guilt-free.

Nan, hope your weather clears up soon. Nina will go out in a mist but won't step foot out the door in the rain.

Haroula, have a nice day!

Cailyn, ahh, coffee!

Gerry, how are you doing?

Midgie, hope the meeting goes well. Hi to you Mom.

Connie, how's your weather been? Brother and SIL will be headed down there for the winter months next week.

A dog walk this morning then a nice quiet day today. Gaming is on my "to do" list.
_________________________
Gail

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#844345 - 10/24/12 06:59 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14602
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I'm off to the chiropactor's before my trip to my Mom's. Thanks Nan for your band of angels. There's alot of traffic on the roads this morning. Hopefully it will clear up before I have to leave.

I hope you all have a great day today. Pay it forward for someone today. It'll make you feel good. smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#844352 - 10/24/12 08:01 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5344
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sorry you have such an early morning, Joe. I hope that at least means you get off early?

Hope you and the dogs have a good walk, Ana. puppy

Hope they are wrong, too, and you get some nice weather this week, Nan. summer

Have a great Wednesday, Haroula.

Thanks for the coffee, Cailyn. smile

Love the dancing penguins, Gerry. grin Have a terrific day.

Have fun walking the dogs and gaming, Gail. rah

Have a good visit with your mom, Midge.

I'm off today. woot Had a much longer day than anticipated yesterday, as the project one of the managers and I worked on took a lot longer than anticipated. She was nice enough to buy me lunch yesterday. thumbsup

Glad I'm off today, as I definitely need to relax and recuperate. Think I will find a nice game or two to play.

Okay, off to see what else is happening. Have a terrific day, everyone. cat

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#844408 - 10/24/12 10:52 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64686
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies!

Venus, enjoy your day off!

Midgie, hope your visit goes well.

Gail, enjoy your gaming day.

Gerry, how is your eye? Is the floater gone?

Sue, thanks for the coffee! Have a great day.

Haroula, hope all is well by you.

Nan, we are supposed to hit 80 today and then crash. lol You just never know what it's going to be.

Back to the corner for me and then off to the park in a couple hours.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#844414 - 10/24/12 11:06 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13581
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe have a fun day at work!

Ana 80???? eek Could I borrow a few degrees?? We are stuck at 45. lol

Haroula have a nice day!

Cailyn and Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail Sassy doesn't like to have her little feetses wet. lol She loves the snow though till it melts and makes things wet. lol Have a nice relaxing gaming day!

Midge HUGS!! Safe travels! angel

venus enjoy the day off. Any fun plans???

No plans here till taxi time.

wave
Nan

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#844423 - 10/24/12 11:44 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7156
Loc: San Diego, CA
I think I'm getting into the winter hybernation mode. All the outdoorsies and the last indoorsie are starting to sleep more and hide all day and I think I'm gonna follow suit. Sooooo tired. I'm sure it's the change of seasons. Too bad that San Diego's seasons change at will and don't follow the normal routine.

Hot and uncustomary humidity for 2 or 3 weeks, then a bit of cool down and then awesome, then some rain, now it's downright cold at night (almost put the heater on) and now they are predicting HOT and dry Santa Ana windy for tomorrow and through the weekend. It's always a surprise around here weatherwise.

Changing the outdoorise's 'beds' from mats in the tents to actual soft surrounding kitty beds now that's it's getting colder. I hope they appreciate my efforts.

HUGE possum around at night. Must weigh at least 15-20 lbs. Never saw one that big. Only 'baby' this season is still around but not growing very fast. Something is decimating the possum populating or maybe they just found better food elsewhere. Usually I have about 4 babies who grow fast. Then one returns to bring their babies the next season. Maybe this huge momma has scared them all away. Wow.

Raccoon babies growing and destroying the yard as usual. Seems to be 3, who nightly climb the trees, break off dead branches (hey that's a good thing) and foul the water dishes so that the outdoorsie cats are anxious for me to clear them in the morning. I think the raccoons all take a bath each night leaving only mud in the water dishes. Ugly stuff.

AND forget using 'ant bait traps'. Those neat little plastic things that are supposed to attract ants and they take the poison back to the nests. The raccoons have found all of them and WASHED them in the water dishes, tearing them open to boot. THANK GOODNESS the ingredients are not a major harm to anything other than ants. I was panicked. Only side effects for other critters is poopies and maybe some queasy tummies. Whew. No more ant traps for me. All critters seem fine after 2 weeks so I think they will be OK. Contacted company and they reassured me that it would be even if the raccoons ate everything. Feeling better.

Off to see road/sidewalk progress. Should have one actual road done completely by tomorrow and the other closer just started is going FAST. All 5 new phone poles in place after 3 days and today they have the new wires going up. Awesome. Next, tear up all the dirt and put in sidewalks. Most people are losing at least 6 feet of yard and another 10 feet of dirt strip where they used to park multi-junk vehicles. City is moving the sidewalks back to the property lines which have been disregarded for years. Thank goodness when our sidewalks went in, that most of us were on our property lines and didn't have to tear down fences, removed huge trees, etc. Cost to homeowner and ruined a load of fancy fencing. New street has over half the homeowners losing major structured fences. Gonna be interesting to watch them come down. Dunno why they didn't check their deeds before erecting fences and walls and driveways, etc. think
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#844426 - 10/24/12 11:46 AM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11379
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Started the day out by going to Wally World, then to Tar-jay. Took Cory for his walk when I got home. Now, I am just enjoying the warm temps we are having. Won't last I'm afraid. More rain predicted for tonight and tomorrow.

I'm going to play something. Need to look in my spooky games and find something scary to play. One that will play on Win 7. Will look at Dracs list.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#844429 - 10/24/12 12:02 PM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64686
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we will drop back to the 40's in a couple days. It's already 70 and feels wonderful. Too bad I can't open windows or patio doors though. The box elder bugs just swarm in if I do. We have an invasion in the midwest with the drought and I can spend all day carrying them out.
Have fun on your taxi run later.

Sorta, I have a raccoon (I call him Rocky) that has his den a few feet outside my fence under my neighbors deck pool. He comes every night to eat leftover corn and nuts I have out for the birds and squirrels. Do you want me to send him over to you because I always worry he will scuffle with my dogs.

Bets, hope you find something fun to play.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#844451 - 10/24/12 02:02 PM Re: Back to Work Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42181
Loc: Alabama
We are in the 80's today too, but supposed to be high in the 60's next week. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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