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#845727 - 10/29/12 08:56 PM New Topic Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29944
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Temperature Effect
Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...



60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to be

sleep

funny.

Tonight starts as soon as I get to bed, which is about 10 paces down the hallway.

I hope these old feet will carry me.

I will say this though;

Happy trails to you
until we meet again
Happy trails to you
keep smiling until then
Happy trails to you
till we meet again......... smile

Have a happy day everyone. wave

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (10/29/12 09:00 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#845750 - 10/29/12 11:51 PM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great Tuesday Joe and all who come in after me. wave

Well, it looks as though the worst of the storm may actually be over for us. We're getting the occasional gust of wind and a lot of rain, but it's much calmer than it was. I hope this doesn't mean I have to go to work in the morning. lol Even though it's much calmer, I still certainly wouldn't want to drive in it.

I hope everyone else is staying safe, and I'm off to bed so I'm not too exhausted in case I actually do have to work.

Have a great Tuesday, everyone. cat

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#845765 - 10/30/12 02:43 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: venus]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6008
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Venus,and all who follow me in waveI never lost power wootI must be one of the lucky ones!Gerry hope all is well with you hearts Coffee is ready enjoy the day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#845768 - 10/30/12 03:10 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7482
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Venus,Sue and all
who come in later.
I hope everyone is safe hearts
Have all a lovely day smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#845778 - 10/30/12 06:17 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning, everyone. wave Well, the good news is, the storm appears to have settled down significantly. The bad news is, this means I may have to go to work today. lol Still waiting until it's late enough that I can call somebody to find out. If I don't post later, it's because I'm at work. If I do post later, I have the day off.

As for now, have to run to get ready just in case. Have a great Tuesday, everyone. cat

EDIT: I have to go to work today. sad


Edited by venus (10/30/12 07:29 AM)

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#845783 - 10/30/12 07:31 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14236
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Happy Trails is stuck in my head now. lol

Venus, hope you get the day off.

Cailyn, yay on the no power outage. Me too! Maybe its Boomer luck. Thanks for the coffee.

Haroula, good morning.

To all who come in I'm wishing a wonderful day. No school again today. Glad the storm is over. Prayers out to all those who are experiencing power outages and damage from the Hurricane.
_________________________
Gail

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#845787 - 10/30/12 07:48 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7979
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. My prayers are with all affected by the storm. angel I spent much time in Bergen county where the levee breached. My aunt had a house there in Moonache. We lived in Hudson county. My sis and relatives live in Marlton N.J. I haven't heard from them yet. To all here and all who follow, may your day be a safe one. Danish, Omelets, and Pancakes in the NC. angel
_________________________
Connie

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#845796 - 10/30/12 08:54 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21110
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Tuesday gang .. hope family and friends in harms way weathered the storm .. take care!

hearts L4L

Whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#845805 - 10/30/12 10:02 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: soot]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9298
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope Tuesday's New Topic is terrific! smile

Goodmorning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#845834 - 10/30/12 11:43 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11365
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning to all.

Prayers to all who have been effected by the storm. Just saw on Yahoo that it was heading for the Great Lakes.

Well, we finally got our cut off valve for the dishwasher moved. Now we have to go back to Best Buy and get them to put in another work order for installation and delivery of our dishwasher. Will go after lunch.

Barb and I got the tree fixed up. It really looks neat. She had a long sheet of paper and painted a tree on it. Then she pasted the leaves that everyone wrote on, on the tree. Then pasted pom poms on to resemble gum balls. We will go up to the house tomorrow evening and decorate. Ginny will be moving in on Thursday.

Need to go do my treadmill now, then fix lunch.

Stay safe everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#845838 - 10/30/12 11:49 AM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42079
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's cold in Al. I have on sweat pants and then had to put on socks. Holy moly. Winter must be here.

Today is book cooking and I'll enjoy the heat from the stove for sure. Maybe I'll bake them to heat up the place.

Joe, I've been singing that song all week. You must be psychic. wink

Venus,I'm glad you have power. Sorry you have to go to work though.

Cailyn, woohoo for power happydance

Hi ya Haroula, how are things?

Gail wave

Connie, I hope you soon hear from your relatives.

Happy skooshing Darlene wave

Bets, I can't believe you are still working on getting your new dishwasher installed. Ginny is going to love your "tree".

Off to cook puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#845846 - 10/30/12 12:04 PM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7076
Loc: San Diego, CA
Good news and bad news. Got an official letter (and forms) from our city's Code Enforcement Department. It said that on Nov 30, my Rentals would be inspected as per section blah blah, of the housing code. They were looking for safety and health violations. They included a form for the tenants to fill out. Everything looked official but the wording was so confusing. 'We will inspect the inside of EVERY unit' (yup in bold capitals), BUT the Landlord may choose which units to show and could even show an empty unit??? Talk about stupid wording.

Soooo after my friend/tenant refused to sign the paper (he was here when it arrived) and I got madder and madder at him because this meant maybe 'a warrant will be issued for non-compliance with the inspectors', I gave up and stewed all night.

This morning I called the number of the gal who sent the letter. It said to call her with questions. So I get a RECORDING saying she would be out of the office until, get this, DECEMBER. Remember the inspection is Nov 30?

So I got another gal and she got me the supervisor and HE said that since I have 2 separate houses, I didn't have to have the inspection. Wheeeeeee. Only applies to UNITS of 3 or more on one lot or adjoining and single houses of only 2 don't count. Whew!

So I'm waiting for a letter exempting me. Hope they manage that one correctly. duh
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#845857 - 10/30/12 12:55 PM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
WooHooooo finally I'am back in Switzerland and finally I'am having Internet connection again. Boy that was a hard time without my gameboomers friends yes

I missed you all bunches!! yes

Is everything all right and everybody well in the Diner?

We had a wonderful time in Italy, 2 month of Indian Summer weather with a storm or two now and then.

Speaking of storms: I'am praying for all people in the way of the storm. May everybody be safe! And may the storm change to a soft rain dribble when it's above your house.

This girl is tired (almost bed time here in Switzerland), so I'll see you in the morning. Have a safe day!! yes

Hugs and kisses kissy

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#845869 - 10/30/12 01:25 PM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13520
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and may work fly and go well.

Prayers for all those in the path of the storm. I see it is trying to find me. lol Hope the one coming from the west will push it back out in to the Atlantic Ocean!!

Cailyn glad the power remained on!! Have a lovely day and stay safe.

venus glad all is well but sorry you have to head out in it and work. Stay safe!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Connie I hope and pray that you hear from family soonest and that they are all OK!!

Gail glad the power is on and you are safe. May the kids enjoy an extra day off school! lol

Soot may work fly and go well.

Darlene may work go smoothly today!!

Bets glad the piping is done and hope they can install the dishwasher soonest for you!! Love the plans you all have for the 'welcome home' party!!

L4l happy cooking!!! lol Hope VA son is doing ok in the storm!!

Evelyne so glad you made it safely AND you now have internet!!! happydance Have a wonderful time there. Night and sleep well.

wave
Nan

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#845870 - 10/30/12 01:26 PM Re: New Topic Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
'Morning every Boomer!! Yay, Gimli!! You are back but then I already knew that. Now it is official! Supposed to get some weather here later today and tomorrow...nothing to be flustered over but hubby is still busy, busy outside!! He is about 1/2 done with current project which has to do with foundation. I'm off to make candy corn cupcakes for my two special trick or treaters, the only ones we get out here in rural America, haha. Take care everyone. I sure hope all are safe from that horrible storm!! Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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