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#845925 - 10/30/12 08:46 PM Hump over the Bump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30061
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald


One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."
The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."
They ask who, "The President?."
"No more important."
"The president of another country."
"No more important."
"An ambassador."
"No even more important."
"Well who is it."
"I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to mid-week. smirk

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly. happydance

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine. thumbsup

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-down routine. yes

Soon, however, I'll be doing active research on my "lay-down" routine. tired

I'll publish my research results just as soon as I complete my blind study, on my theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep. razz

Have a happy day. yay

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#845954 - 10/30/12 11:28 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65215
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe! Happy Halloween! I just realized you haven't been doing your usual celebrating sad

It will be another day in the corner for me, no Zumba no dog walking. I am going slowly insane....

Catch you all on the flipside. Have a happy day.

Ana wave

_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#845965 - 10/31/12 03:32 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies

Happy Halloween kissy

Joe: thanks for the jokes. I love the Pope joke lol

Ana: poor girl. Don't go insane please. I'am coming for a visit in the corner after breakfast kissy

Happy day to you all

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#845968 - 10/31/12 03:50 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7813
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,have all a nice day wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#845971 - 10/31/12 04:43 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17308
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, Gimli and Haroua. Joe you are too funny! Ana come keep me company in the naughty corner. Gimli Happy Halloween to you. haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn hope you made it thru the storm okay. Wishing everyone a safe and happy day and Halloween! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#845982 - 10/31/12 06:59 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14563
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the day!

Ana, wishing you an easy day in the corner today. Did I mention lately that we appreciate you?

Gimli, welcome home from your vacation. We missed you.

Haroula, good day to you and your family.

Gerry, have a super day!

Cailyn, Coffee iawaits your arrival.

Back to a routine day. Doc appointment later this afternoon. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#845984 - 10/31/12 07:17 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8118
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Bank and BJ's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Happy Halloween. Danish, Omelets, and Candy Corn in the NC. Still chilly here this morning, 46. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#846000 - 10/31/12 08:30 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13693
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Happy Halloween!!!! Have fun with all those little trick or treaters!!!

Joe thanks for lmaking me laugh. lol May work fly and go well.

Aw Ana sorry no light yet and you have to stay in the corner. HUGS! Maybe it will suddenly go quickly for ya.

Evelyn glad the net is still working. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry are you walking today? Have a lovely day!

Gail best of luck with the doc appointment!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have fun shopping and a lovely day! Thanks for the danish!

Off to take a couple friends for their eye doc appointments. Have a lovely day everybody!!

wave
Nan

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#846005 - 10/31/12 08:50 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21320
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
lol Thanks Joe

Good morning everyone! Happy Hump Day Happy Halloween Happy Wednesday laugh

Wishing everyone a great day and praying for a quick recovery from Sandy for all involved. I'm off to garden, game with L4L hearts and enjoy whale music for the day .. it doesn't get much better than that wink

I've brought hot buttered biscuits for the NC.

Whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#846011 - 10/31/12 08:59 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5497
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, Gimli, Haroula, Gerry, Gail, Connie, Nan, soot and all who come in after me. wave

Just popping in for a quick hello this morning, as I'm not feeling the greatest. It's my friend's birthday today, and we were supposed to go out, but she's feeling even worse than I am. frown So we're going to wait until Saturday and see how we are then.

As for today, I'm going to get some rest, maybe even play some Cognition later. smile

Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween and a terrific Wednesday! cat

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#846026 - 10/31/12 09:57 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: venus]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9401
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Hump over the Bump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#846031 - 10/31/12 10:13 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42377
Loc: Alabama
Happy Halloween all ghost

The night was bad and I think the day is not going to be a lot better. Think I'll curl up with a hot beverage of some type for most of the day. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#846054 - 10/31/12 11:44 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7813
Loc: Greece
Today,someone hit an old lady with his car,
in frond of us.Me and junior were waiting for the green light.She was trying to cross the road. sad
The driver was talking to his cell-phone shame
The ambulance came...
The problem is that junior saw it and he is asking
me about it duh
I hope she is ok.
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#846057 - 10/31/12 01:09 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: Haroula]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hi Boomies,

Haroula: that is a sad experience for you and for your son. Guess he has to learn the lesson that live isn't always fair (and that one really shouldn't use the phone while driving!). I hope the old Lady is all right. Hugs

Hi Gerry and Connie and Soot and Darlene

Gail: thank you for your welcome! Missed you all too!

Hi lovely Nan: I'am in Switzerland and Internet is always working here. it's my Italian Internet connection that is mostly inextistent. I hope Sandy isn't howling round your house! Hugs

Venus: get well soon.

Looney: I'am praying that coming night is a better one for you kissy

I'am cooking dinner now and then it's tea and fruits and a good book for me. Have a wonderful Halloween day and trick and treat night (knock knock). pumpkin

Stay away from witch and ghost2 but not from cookies. I heard Lotus was baking cupcakes!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#846059 - 10/31/12 01:38 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Hiya Boomies.

Busy morning. Went to the grocery store then took Cory for a walk. Now lunch is over and Bill has started disconnecting the old dishwasher. New one will be delivered tomorrow. In the meantime, I am getting dishpan hands. lol

We will be going up to Ginny's house tonight to decorate. Will take some pics, then tomorrow, will be there to get pics as she comes in the door.

Weather is cool but clear with temps going up to the mid 50's. Will grill some steaks out tonight.

I have not had time to play any games, so think I will go play something now.

A great day to everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#846070 - 10/31/12 02:22 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14680
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi guys. It's been a day. I saw my landlady at the post office this morning. She handed me a registered letter. She said it was an eviction notice. Seems her daughter wants my apartment as she passed papers on her house and needs to move in in 30 days. As I had no lease Maureen(my landlady) can do that. So I need to start checking what's available and start packing. I wanted to start looking for another place to live as I have the landlady from hell but I wasn't in so much of a hurry to move......Now I have to. I'm thinking of some choice swear words but as I'm a lady you won't have to listen to them. But you can read my lips if you want to. rotfl

Midgie hardwall pumpkin ghost2 witch
_________________________
Just do it.

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#846075 - 10/31/12 02:37 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: Midge]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2110
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
I'm so sorry, Midgie! I will join you in the silent swearing. You've been so patient and forgiving with her, and this is what you get for it. You're better off, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers that you'll find a much nicer place to live.
Andrea wave

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#846092 - 10/31/12 03:32 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9578
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
pumpkin Happy Halloween Boomers witch
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#846096 - 10/31/12 03:53 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8118
Loc: winter springs fl.
Change of plans today. We went to the Christmas tree shop instead of the bank. Will go to the bank and BJ's tomorrow. Midge, prayers you can find a better place quickly and easily. Hugs on the way too. hearts
_________________________
Connie

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#846097 - 10/31/12 03:55 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7286
Loc: San Diego, CA
Oh Midge! So sorry for your predicament. Being a Landlord, I know all the rules and you might wanna check on Mass laws for the month to month agreement you had. In Calif, if a tenant has lived there more than a year, WE have to give 60 days notice. Maybe it's the same in Mass? If so you have more time. Crossing my fingers for you.

AND just in case you want to push the matter, you might try telling your Landlady that you can't possibly move so soon due to lack of funds and maybe you can wangle her into giving you $$$$ to move out. I had to do that with a tenant. Was happy to pay her to leave. Saved me a bunch of trouble because I suspected she was going to NOT move at all. (2 days before out date, and nothing was happening).

Hope it all works out. I empathize with you totally.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#846105 - 10/31/12 04:47 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14680
Loc: Massachusetts
Sorta her eviction letter said for every day I stay over the 30 days she's charging me $100.00 a day. I just want to find a nicer landlady. I was a landlady for years so I know what you mean. I've really had it. Over, done. I'll find another place.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#846109 - 10/31/12 04:59 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7813
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#846110 - 10/31/12 05:14 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65215
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Midgie hearts

Sorry all...I am here, but I really can't stay. Not a good day in the corner..
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#846111 - 10/31/12 05:14 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42377
Loc: Alabama
Awww Haroula, so sorry son experienced that. Hugs to you both.

Midgie, I know there is a much better place out there for you. luck
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#846116 - 10/31/12 06:06 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: looney4labs]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Haroula, so sorry you and your son had to see such a thing. I know it must have been a heck of a shock.

Ana, sorry that you had a bad day, but tomorrow is bound to be better! smile

Midge, it's a [blip] shame what some people will do, but this may be a blessing in disguise. You may suddenly find yourself in a much better apartment with a decent landperson. I'm hoping so anyway.

I wanted to go bowling Tuesday. I hadn't been bowling in many years. That got blown away with the hurricane. It was extremely fortunate for me that that was the worse thing to happen to me.
I'm going to try again on Friday.

Must do laundry tomorrow and I've some calls to make. Will have to deal with some things I've been avoiding.

Hope everyone is okay. All get a good night's sleep. smile

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#846148 - 10/31/12 08:22 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: SharonB]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30061
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Midgie your land "lard" has shown her true nature at the right time, the old witch!. witch

I hope you find something nicer quickly. kissy

Hello to Evie. Glad to see you back in the diner. bravo

Ana I'm not feeling Halloween this year. Too many distractions I think. duh

It's hard for me to enjoy any of the holidays anymore. smirk

I'm still having major internet troubles, but I'm thinking of you all, all the time. urock

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#846168 - 10/31/12 09:29 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14680
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks for your thoughts Joe. I begin checking out places tomorrow before I have to go to work. Sorry you're not in the mood for Halloween. Me either. Hugs hearts

I'm headed for bed. See you in the morning.

Night.
Midgie sleep pumpkin ghost2 witch
_________________________
Just do it.

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#846172 - 10/31/12 10:11 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: Midge]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9401
Loc: Southern California
wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Oh, Midgie! So sorry you have this pressure to move. I know you have spoken in the passed about your landlady. (However, I like Joe's term land "lard" lol ) I feel this is a blessing in disguise! You will find a place that you truly love. Prayers of strength and direction going up for you! hearts

Off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#846184 - 10/31/12 11:08 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5497
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween. pumpkin witch ghost ghost2

I'm off to bed now. Work in the morning. Good night, everyone. sleep

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#846195 - 10/31/12 11:59 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13693
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Aw Haroula what a thing to have to see. HUGS!! Hope your son will be OK with it all. Night and sleep well.

Aw Midge HUGS!!! I like Joe's the old witch lol Prayers for guidence in finding just the right place for you!

Darlene hope there is something fun afoot!

Aw Ana sorry the corner didn't go well today! There is always tomorrow and I pray that it goes better.

Joe glad work is over!! Sorry there is so much going on that you couldn't get into the Halloween spirit cause I know you love the holiday!!

Time here to head for bed. Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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#846198 - 11/01/12 12:07 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42377
Loc: Alabama
Night guys, sleep well sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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