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#845925 - 10/30/12 08:46 PM Hump over the Bump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30067
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald


One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."
The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."
They ask who, "The President?."
"No more important."
"The president of another country."
"No more important."
"An ambassador."
"No even more important."
"Well who is it."
"I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to mid-week. smirk

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly. happydance

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine. thumbsup

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-down routine. yes

Soon, however, I'll be doing active research on my "lay-down" routine. tired

I'll publish my research results just as soon as I complete my blind study, on my theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep. razz

Have a happy day. yay

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#845954 - 10/30/12 11:28 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65269
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe! Happy Halloween! I just realized you haven't been doing your usual celebrating sad

It will be another day in the corner for me, no Zumba no dog walking. I am going slowly insane....

Catch you all on the flipside. Have a happy day.

Ana wave

_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#845965 - 10/31/12 03:32 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies

Happy Halloween kissy

Joe: thanks for the jokes. I love the Pope joke lol

Ana: poor girl. Don't go insane please. I'am coming for a visit in the corner after breakfast kissy

Happy day to you all

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#845968 - 10/31/12 03:50 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7831
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,have all a nice day wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#845971 - 10/31/12 04:43 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17330
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, Gimli and Haroua. Joe you are too funny! Ana come keep me company in the naughty corner. Gimli Happy Halloween to you. haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn hope you made it thru the storm okay. Wishing everyone a safe and happy day and Halloween! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#845982 - 10/31/12 06:59 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14582
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the day!

Ana, wishing you an easy day in the corner today. Did I mention lately that we appreciate you?

Gimli, welcome home from your vacation. We missed you.

Haroula, good day to you and your family.

Gerry, have a super day!

Cailyn, Coffee iawaits your arrival.

Back to a routine day. Doc appointment later this afternoon. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#845984 - 10/31/12 07:17 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8127
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Bank and BJ's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Happy Halloween. Danish, Omelets, and Candy Corn in the NC. Still chilly here this morning, 46. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#846000 - 10/31/12 08:30 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13702
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Happy Halloween!!!! Have fun with all those little trick or treaters!!!

Joe thanks for lmaking me laugh. lol May work fly and go well.

Aw Ana sorry no light yet and you have to stay in the corner. HUGS! Maybe it will suddenly go quickly for ya.

Evelyn glad the net is still working. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry are you walking today? Have a lovely day!

Gail best of luck with the doc appointment!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have fun shopping and a lovely day! Thanks for the danish!

Off to take a couple friends for their eye doc appointments. Have a lovely day everybody!!

wave
Nan

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#846005 - 10/31/12 08:50 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21329
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
lol Thanks Joe

Good morning everyone! Happy Hump Day Happy Halloween Happy Wednesday laugh

Wishing everyone a great day and praying for a quick recovery from Sandy for all involved. I'm off to garden, game with L4L hearts and enjoy whale music for the day .. it doesn't get much better than that wink

I've brought hot buttered biscuits for the NC.

Whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#846011 - 10/31/12 08:59 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5530
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, Gimli, Haroula, Gerry, Gail, Connie, Nan, soot and all who come in after me. wave

Just popping in for a quick hello this morning, as I'm not feeling the greatest. It's my friend's birthday today, and we were supposed to go out, but she's feeling even worse than I am. frown So we're going to wait until Saturday and see how we are then.

As for today, I'm going to get some rest, maybe even play some Cognition later. smile

Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween and a terrific Wednesday! cat

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#846026 - 10/31/12 09:57 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: venus]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9407
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Hump over the Bump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#846031 - 10/31/12 10:13 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42400
Loc: Alabama
Happy Halloween all ghost

The night was bad and I think the day is not going to be a lot better. Think I'll curl up with a hot beverage of some type for most of the day. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#846054 - 10/31/12 11:44 AM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7831
Loc: Greece
Today,someone hit an old lady with his car,
in frond of us.Me and junior were waiting for the green light.She was trying to cross the road. sad
The driver was talking to his cell-phone shame
The ambulance came...
The problem is that junior saw it and he is asking
me about it duh
I hope she is ok.
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#846057 - 10/31/12 01:09 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: Haroula]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hi Boomies,

Haroula: that is a sad experience for you and for your son. Guess he has to learn the lesson that live isn't always fair (and that one really shouldn't use the phone while driving!). I hope the old Lady is all right. Hugs

Hi Gerry and Connie and Soot and Darlene

Gail: thank you for your welcome! Missed you all too!

Hi lovely Nan: I'am in Switzerland and Internet is always working here. it's my Italian Internet connection that is mostly inextistent. I hope Sandy isn't howling round your house! Hugs

Venus: get well soon.

Looney: I'am praying that coming night is a better one for you kissy

I'am cooking dinner now and then it's tea and fruits and a good book for me. Have a wonderful Halloween day and trick and treat night (knock knock). pumpkin

Stay away from witch and ghost2 but not from cookies. I heard Lotus was baking cupcakes!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#846059 - 10/31/12 01:38 PM Re: Hump over the Bump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11413
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Hiya Boomies.

Busy morning. Went to the grocery store then took Cory for a walk. Now lunch is over and Bill has started disconnecting the old dishwasher. New one will be delivered tomorrow. In the meantime, I am getting dishpan hands. lol

We will be going up to Ginny's house tonight to decorate. Will take some pics, then tomorrow, will be there to get pics as she comes in the door.

Weather is cool but clear with temps going up to the mid 50's. Will grill some steaks out tonight.

I have not had time to play any games, so think I will go play something now.

A great day to everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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