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#847517 - 11/06/12 08:55 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29947
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"
Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.

"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.

Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.

"I don't think you understand-I want something very unique," the man said.

At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched our special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."

The girls eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it.

"How are you paying?" asked our jeweler.

"I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."

Monday morning, our very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account."

"I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .." At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date of Joke: Thursday, 20th January, 2005

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist and my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to John and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice,,,,

"Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging with a Smile


Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing.. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we get cable or that dish thing.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.  wave

Can you believe it's Wednesday already?

Only two days to get through.  penguin

Gee I haven't been this excited since my kidney infection. razz

I'll just keep my head down, focus on work, and hope that it passes quickly.

I also hope that I don't run into a wall.

I still have a bump on my head and a stiff neck from the last time.  crazy

I don't want to have to spend that one day off in the chiropractor's office. 

Hey! What if we had Attipractors?  idea

I could just go in and get an attitude adjustment, and then maybe I wouldn't need my Chiropractor. 

I feel better already. tomato

Have a happy day ever body.......and...everybody. wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#847524 - 11/06/12 10:31 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64474
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I think Moms can be called Attipractors. lol
Do you actually have a weekend off this weekend?

Have a happy day Joe and all. Zumba in the morning and then I hope it'll stop raining so I can get the dogs out.

Midgie, best of luck to you at the clinic. hearts

birthday Trippy!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#847537 - 11/07/12 02:04 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7491
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all smile
Trippy birthday wave
Have all a nice day fall
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#847544 - 11/07/12 03:27 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6011
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and all boomers waveCoffee is hot and ready have a great day everyone fall
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#847547 - 11/07/12 04:04 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: cailyn]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner

Good Morning Boom Boom Buddies~


Hope everyone has a nice Hump day flowers

Got Mojo moved down to BR stables he's nice and cozy
in his stall with all his buddies around him~
He loves it! I love it when I know he's nice & snug and dry
when it's pouring down rain here all week YUK! razz

I think I'm gonna try to trade my 3 wheel Rascal scooter
for a 4 wheel one I tipped over again today that makes it
4 times now geez I really need to learn to drive better lol

Have a nice day Boomers~ wave

got a Kidney Doc appt today~ Karen angel fall
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#847555 - 11/07/12 05:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave fall

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#847566 - 11/07/12 07:15 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7983
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, I'm happy your test came back OK. yay Karen, I hope you can trade your scooter for a 4 wheeled one. birthday Trippy. The boys just left to work in Penn. Please send positive thoughts for a safe trip. A trip to Walmart is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets with Hash Browns and Toast in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#847573 - 11/07/12 08:07 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14245
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, enjoy Zumba and I hope it stops raining there so the dogs can enjoy dancing around too.

Haroula, good day to you!

Cailyn, coffee please on this cold morning.

Karen, good luck with a trade so you can be more balanced with four wheels.

Venus, good work day to you!

Connie, good traveling vibes out to your boys. Enjoy Walmart.

Trippy...happy birthday.

Midgie, good luck in Boston this morning. Hope you can obtain a pain-free solution for you ankle. hearts

Doc appointment went well. Still waiting for one last test result before I can get on a routine med schedule. Weather not so great here today. Looks like a super good gaming day! penguin



Edited by GBC (11/07/12 08:09 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#847605 - 11/07/12 10:15 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29947
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

New router, same old problem. frown

Although it is much better, I'm still having the connectivity problem. duh

Now if I keep clicking, I can eventually get the web page I'm wanting to get to, but I don't understand what's causing the problem.

Maybe it's the computer. smirk

Ana I have to get through today and tomorrow and have Friday off. Not two days unfortunately. smirk

I have to go in early to go to walmart and reclaim a couple of items that I paid for yesterday, but that didn't make it home with me. rolleyes

For some reason, it already seems like a Saturday to me.

My calender has lost it's way.

I hope everyone has a super day. Whatever it is. wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#847614 - 11/07/12 10:37 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21113
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe Gail Connie Venus Karen Cailyn Haroula Ana and the rest of you when you are up and at em laugh

My last day of rest and fun with WOM before I head back to work .. oh my shocked

But all is not lost as Tomorrow Is Another Day laugh

Have a wonderful day everyone it's time for gardening and whale music

L4L hearts

penguin
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#847632 - 11/07/12 11:20 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7081
Loc: San Diego, CA
Unhappy day for me so far. The school board member who has been indited for corruption, etc. looks like she may win her seat again. Arrragghh! I guess nobody watches the news anymore, and only goes by how many signs are on the lawns around town when picking who to vote for. I saw loads of 'her' signs and only one obscure sign for any of the challengers. Pays to advertise. Votes still being counted, but looks like she's a winner. Will be fun with her trial in January to see if she is convicted or pleads out to a lesser charge in return for 'tattling' on the real offenders in all of this.

In better news, it's a nice day and although I'm once again fighting ants in the bathroom, the raccoons have scattered loads of tiny broken dead tree branches on my deck, the water dishes were totally mud again (they love to bathe every night), but my yard kid (the one who keeps doing stupid stuff and ended up in jail for a month) is back and looking for yard work. I can use him for sure. Lots of raccoon poop piles to shovel, some new hedge plants to dig holes for and other icky stuff I can't or don't feel like doing. Yup, good day I guess.

Hope the new hurricane/storm leaves the East coast alone!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#847635 - 11/07/12 11:25 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42094
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Today is hubby's last day at home. We've had a great time hanging together. I woke up a bit ickky...throat is sore and voice is hoarse. I'm convinced more coffee will do the trick.

Son is on the road coming home. He had a lot of fun in VA, but now it's time to get back to real life.

Joe, thanks for the jokes. I love all the Aging with a Smile ones.

Ana, I hope you and the doggies all have a wonderful day!

Haroula, how's life?

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. I'll sit nearby.

Doc, luck How far away is Mojo's new stable?

Venus, wave

Connie, how long will the boys be gone this time?

Gail, I hope that test comes back quickly with the result you want.

Soot kissy

Sorta, so glad your yard guy is back. Hopefully, he'll stay out of trouble.

Back in a bit wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#847660 - 11/07/12 12:19 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13527
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe glad you kept trying and finally made it here. Hope you can find out the problem soon.

May work fly and all go well. Only one after today!! happydance

Ana, let me look! Yup looks like it be OK for a nice run with the dogs. Only clouds in the sky but didn't see any moisture! lol Course the rain doesn't always show up. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for getting the coffee going.

Karen best of luck at the doc appointment. Prayers that all be well. Does that mean that Mojo is closer to you now??? Glad he likes where he is at and is warm and dry!

Maybe you need some driving lessons. lol DO be careful out there now. Good luck with the trade.

venus have fun at work.

Gail hope the results are in soonest so the meds are properly adjusted. Yup.....rainy day equal gamey day!! lol Have fun!

Connie prayers for the Band around sons as they travel for work.

Soot have a nice relaxing day!!

Sorta I guess those people don't watch the news or they just don't care. Glad the lawn boy is back and can do some work for you!!

L4l enjoy the day with Soot, relaxing!! Prayers for the Band around son as he heads home!

wave
Nan

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#847663 - 11/07/12 12:34 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning!!
Still worrying about Evelyne and what she may or may not have found upon her arrival.
Ana, I am so happy to hear your news is good. I got the game, thank you for the heads up. It looks to be delightful.
Nan, I am not kidding, my pumpkins taste like the best squash ever.
Enjoy your day with Soot, L2L! Hope you perk up soon!
Hope you have a good day Haroula.
I am praying the storm is just a drop in the puddle, Sue and that the East Coast will be spared any more damage.
Glad Mo is in a better place Karen. Do you still have Apple?
Hope your day is a good one Miss venus.
Hi to Connie and Gail and Soot. Wishing all of you a great day also.
Hope you can get your connectivity problems solved soon, Joe.
Good luck today Midgie, I hear Boston has some great docs. It better have!!! I have an Aunt who has to wear a "moonboot" due to pain in ankle after a break and not healing properly. The boot has worked wonders and she got the help in Boston!!
Hope your yardboy can get a lot done, Sorta.
Hi Space, when you get here. Hope you are having a nice day.
Off I go to butcher yet another pumpkin...yesterday it was beets.
Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#847675 - 11/07/12 01:34 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64474
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I talked to Evelyne last night and she said they stole a few things and made a big mess. She is meeting with the police today.

I just got back from class and need food. 3 days in a row of class is getting me back in shape fast. I am my old energetic self again. rah

Be back after I eat.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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