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Thursday #847793
11/08/12 01:08 AM
11/08/12 01:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
"The pure impulse of dynamic creation is formless; and being formless, the creation it gives rise to can assume any and every form." --
Kabbalah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be darned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your porch swing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?"

So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says. "Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized. This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life."

And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig. He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. 

Ham anyone?  grin

I kill me!  snicker

Once more I'm at death's door.

That means in a few minutes I'll be in bed, and dead to the world.  sleep

If I'm still like that in the morning just prop me up in the corner, put some cigars in one hand, and a cup in the other, and call me Kaw-Liga.  razz

If I'm still that way after 5:00, just lay me down and put coins over my eyes. 

You might check my pulse first. cool

Have a happy day everyone.  woot

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847802
11/08/12 03:27 AM
11/08/12 03:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers have all a nice day flowers


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thursday [Re: Haroula] #847808
11/08/12 04:11 AM
11/08/12 04:11 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who make it here later wave It's still raining with howling wind here eek Coffee is ready,Ana good news for you on your test rahHave a great day all shiver


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847819
11/08/12 05:44 AM
11/08/12 05:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
shiver Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. We are having another northeaster (storm). It started yesterday morning. We now have several inches of snow and it's still snowing. The wind is howling and blowing the snow. It's really cold. shiver Some have lost power because of the wind. Keeping my fingers crossed we don't lose power! Joe sleep tight. Haroula I's love some of your warm sunshine! Cailyn did you get any snow? Hope everyone enjoys the day! wave


Gerry
Re: Thursday [Re: Kaki's Sister] #847828
11/08/12 06:38 AM
11/08/12 06:38 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Hi Gerry.no snow here a lot of rain temp.is 42,I hope you don't lose power cat


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847830
11/08/12 07:07 AM
11/08/12 07:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, love the twins joke.

Haroula, good day to you.

Cailyn, we're snowed in. Need coffee!

Gerry, same weather here. Stay warm.

School delay here and I have a eye doc appointment this morning that I may reschedule. Windy and cold. shiver


Gail
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847833
11/08/12 07:34 AM
11/08/12 07:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Prayers all in the path of the new storm are safe and warm. angel It's quite chilly for here at 47. penguin I need to go to the grocery store for a few things today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish, Oatmeal with fruit, and Blueberry Pancakes in the NC. Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows too. fall


Connie
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847853
11/08/12 09:44 AM
11/08/12 09:44 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
Good morning everyone .. yes, the general outlook is that winter is on the way .. Brrrr

Off to work after a week off with WOM .. it was grand laugh

Take care and enjoy the day!

Whoosh...

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847858
11/08/12 09:55 AM
11/08/12 09:55 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, hope you're feeling more alive later. lol

Have a nice day, too, Haroula.

Have a great day as well, Cailyn.

Gerry, I saw some of the pictures of the snow they had north of here. eek Hope yours doesn't accumulate that much, and hope you keep your power!

Sorry you're snowed in, Gail. Sounds like a good day for gaming anyway. grin

Have fun at the grocery store, Connie. Thanks for all the delicious food and hot chocolate. grin

Hope work goes well, and stay warm, soot!

I'm off today. happydance It's been a long week, and I had trouble keeping my eyes open toward the end of the day, yesterday. It will be worth it when my paycheck comes, though. yes

My friend and I got some really good food at Wegmans yesterday, and I just had some of it for breakfast. As for today, I think I'll use the opportunity to catch up on some games. thumbsup

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thursday [Re: venus] #847875
11/08/12 10:50 AM
11/08/12 10:50 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy, happy day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Prayers of safety going up for all on the East coast! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847895
11/08/12 12:03 PM
11/08/12 12:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe are you up yet?? lol Hope work flies so you can get started on your day off!! Thanks for the laughs.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn stay dry if ya have to go out. Hope the storm ends soon. Have a lovely day!

Gerry I pray that the power stays on and that the storm ends soon!

Gail I pray that the snow stops soon and that the delay isn't too long. Be safe if you go out to your appointment. I vote for gaming instead. lol

Connie we are almost as warm as you at 44. lol Have fun grocery shopping. Thanks for the danish!!

Soot at least you only have one more day to work after today. lol Have a good one!

venus have a fun day catching up on your games!!!! Enjoy!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

No plans yet but ya never know around here. lol

wave
Nan

Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847899
11/08/12 12:34 PM
11/08/12 12:34 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Started the day with a trip to Wally World. Nothing exciting.

It was 29 degrees when we got up this morning but has started to warm up already. Mid to upper 50's today. Me thinks me will play some more games today. Probably could think of something more constructive to do, but what the hay!! Games are more fun.

Stay safe all of you who are in that nasty weather.

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847912
11/08/12 01:36 PM
11/08/12 01:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll. The sicky ickkies seem to have taken up residence in my throat and chest. I expect my day will involve being as still and quiet as possible while inhaling as many hot liquids as I can.

Back later guys wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847917
11/08/12 02:17 PM
11/08/12 02:17 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Sorry to hear that L4L. Hope you get to feeling better fast. Hugs.


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847919
11/08/12 02:23 PM
11/08/12 02:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
lol I really need to stop starting a post and then getting distracted with something else and closing my browser. I did it twice today already. :doh:

I am off to the park with the dogs. Merlin is limping badly today but it isn't stopping his enthusiasm to run. He has such a heart for running free I can't deny him. puppy

L4L, Hugs to you!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thursday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #847928
11/08/12 03:39 PM
11/08/12 03:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Ana enjoy the park puppyL4L I do hope your feeling better in no time hearts


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847933
11/08/12 03:58 PM
11/08/12 03:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
L4L get better girl. Yesterday I made some crispy crunchy home made biscuits and if you were neighbor you'd have had some. I used half white and half whole wheat flour and they have flavor plus and crunchy to boot. It's King Arthur flour.

All you with inclement weather, get this -50's at night and 80's during day. Lovely weather here. Keep warm. And all on the east coast -may God bless you and the animals.

Amazon sent one of my games this AM goodgood. 2 to go. Still plodding through Doom 1. I never posted that a few days ago I -being most clumsy- deleted the whole game so had to start all over. that's OK, actually it's a relaxing game.

Cats are outdoors sleeping and sunning. What a life.

Happy thursday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847937
11/08/12 04:02 PM
11/08/12 04:02 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks for the laughs Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847966
11/08/12 05:44 PM
11/08/12 05:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
L4L hope you are feeling better now flowers
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #847973
11/08/12 06:00 PM
11/08/12 06:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Aw L4l Hugs and prayers!!

Ana have a nice run and hope Merlin doesn't over do!!

Bets have a nice day!

wave Yankee and Space!! Have a nice day!

Night Haroula sleep well.

I am off for another round of painting. Have a nice rest of the day!!

wave
Nan

Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #848000
11/08/12 07:37 PM
11/08/12 07:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Day started out fine and went downhill. Gave indoorsie cat some Vienna sausage juice and he promptly threw up all over my living room rug. Then he got so upset he pooped on the other side of the living room. Sigh. I should know better.

Then I delivered the annual rent raise to my tenants. Took all of 30 seconds from mailbox to phone before the mom was on voicing her displeasure. Thank goodness I waited until the son from Los Angeles was gone or it would have been him at my door screaming at me. That happened a few years back and never again will I go through that. As it was she wanted to know if the other house next door was getting the same rate. I assured her he was. Really not her business, but I figured it might make her feel better.

I hate giving increases, but I had to explain the increases in taxes, insurance, utilities, etc. to her. Felt bad but no other way to keep going. I'm not even making a profit. Even with the increase, they are paying about 400 under the going rate for this area. I'll never get rich this way.

Still, I feel bad every time I have to do this. I'll either have to go broke or grown a tougher skin. duh


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #848027
11/08/12 09:43 PM
11/08/12 09:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
hello again , folks ! another absence due to no computer or internet , and a crazy summer.

i see i'll have a bit of reading to catch up on all the happenings ,and sure was glad to see the diner open for business as usual.

hope all is mostly well for everyone , and i'll be back later tonight !

Re: Thursday [Re: niteowl07] #848034
11/08/12 10:06 PM
11/08/12 10:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursday [Re: niteowl07] #848035
11/08/12 10:07 PM
11/08/12 10:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #848036
11/08/12 10:08 PM
11/08/12 10:08 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
It's so dark out and it's not even 6 p.m. yet. Temp is down to 30 will a bit of a wind but that's mile compared to what many on the east coast are suffering through. Prayers that their lives will return to normal as soon as possible. And may they stay warm and safe.

Will wish all a good night and a bright morning.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
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