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#848076 - 11/08/12 11:42 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32195
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
"Happy the man, and happy he alone, He who can call today his own; He who secure within can say: Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today." -- Horace

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I don't miss any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one takes advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cat:"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids .they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. They must be Gods!"

A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must be a God!"

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog??

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting..

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- Unknown

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
- Unknown

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.
- Gene Hill

In dog years, I'm dead.
- Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
- Fran Lebowitz

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. - Nora Ephron

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- Ann Landers

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!
- Dr. Tom Cat

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
- Unknown

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
- Unknown

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
- Christopher Morley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- Josh Billings

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
- Holbrook Jackson

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andrew A. Rooney

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
- Unknown

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
- Smiley Blanton

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
- John Steinbeck

Good morning everyboomie.  wave

Come into my lair and listen to a lier lament about loves lost while longingly looking for leaping lizards that lose latitude while lapping lemon juice and lustily leering at the limp lawn lackeys. 

Lordy!!!!!!  shocked

That should at least raise a quizzical smile, eh?  wink

Don't ask for a translation.  shame

At least I didn't bring up the lordly lions.  rolleyes

That and the jokes should about do it then?  thumbsup

Good!  yes

If I was able to put a smile on your face, that's good enough for me. woot

Then you should all have a happy day. 

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#848080 - 11/09/12 12:07 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75376
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Wow Joe, apparently the Sesame Street episode today featured the Letter L. You mastered it! rotfl

Love the dog jokes too. hearts

I am off to Zumba class early and then Peter and I are meeting Sam for a couple rounds of Top Golf and lunch in the afternoon.

I hope you have a lovely day!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#848085 - 11/09/12 02:36 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all smile
I hope you have a happy day happydance fall
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#848087 - 11/09/12 02:44 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveLove the funnies this morning Joe grinAna sounds like you have a fun busy day ahead enjoy!Haroula happy day to you also waveThe storm is over yay Gerry I hope you have power,Gail how was the storm in your area? have a great day everyone fall
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#848092 - 11/09/12 04:01 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7740
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Time for the very early work whoosh. Have a terrific Friday, everyone. wave fall
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#848093 - 11/09/12 05:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22796
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn and venus. Joe you make me laugh! Thank you. lol Ana it sounds like a great day ahead for you. happydance Haroula enjoy your day too. wave Cailyn I didn't lose power thank goodness. bravo Venus hope you have calm day. smile Wishing everyone a day that puts a smile on your face! grin Enjoy! grin

#848098 - 11/09/12 06:04 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, funny dog jokes.

Ana, what a fun day you have planned.

Morning Haroula.

Cailyn, we got plenty of snow and high winds and being our lovely New England weather it's going to be going up to 60 degrees by Sunday. Coffee is most welcome this morning.

Venus, enjoy your work today.

Gerry, glad your power stayed on.

Midgie, how's the packing coming along?

A trip to BJ's this morning. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!

#848103 - 11/09/12 06:29 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15613
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning.Just a quick stop to say hi. My puter is going batty this morning. Hard time checking in. I'm off to work and then back home after I do some errands. Hello to everyone already here and anyone who checks in later. Gail I'm knee deep in packing. It never ends. See you guys.

Midgie hearts
Just do it.

#848105 - 11/09/12 06:32 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10258
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Omelets, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. Still chilly here this morning, 46. penguin

#848139 - 11/09/12 09:57 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32195
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

I'm off to enjoy my day off. happydance

It's going to be a windy, warm 80 degrees here today. yes

I need to get over to Mom's and see my Baby. puppy

I hope you all have a fantastic day. rah

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#848140 - 11/09/12 10:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your day off!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's Friday! woot

Over at daughter's new home tomorrow morning.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#848150 - 11/09/12 10:34 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11505
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning Boomies.

What an absolutely beautiful day. Going up to 70. That means grill out day. yay

I am doing my usual Friday laundry and only 2 loads today. Woo hoo. We took Cory for his walk this morning and now he is looking out the storm door. If we don't open it, he sits there and woofs till we do. At least when it is 45 or above.

So, I think I need to get my back ribs out of the freezer then maybe sneak in a game or two while I am waiting for laundry.

Wishing everyone a most wonderful day.

Bets hearts
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

#848156 - 11/09/12 10:59 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your day off and thanks for the laughs.

Ana sounds like a fun filled day for you, enjoy!! A park run later??? How is Merlin after yesterdays run?

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn glad the storm is over. Have a lovely day!

Gerry good that the power stayed on. Have a lovely day!

Gail all that snow will go in no time at all with those temps. lol Have fun shopping and a lovely day!

venus have fun at work and may all go well.

Midge hope the packing is moving right along. Ever wonder just why we have so much and how ever did we accumulate so much?? Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy the chilly as it will be hot soon enough. lol Hope you find something fun to do! Thanks for the danish!

Darlene may wor go smoothly today! Have a lovely time in the morning at daughters.

Bets grilling sounds goods. Too cool here and besides the grill has been put away for winter. Enjoy!

Off to a memorial service and then relax till taxi time. Later will work the fish fry!


#848165 - 11/09/12 11:32 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47577
Loc: Alabama
Morning guys, up sorta, but definitely not myself. I'm sure "up" won't last long. I have a couple of routine doctor (dentist, eye doc) next week but I have a feeling those will get cancelled. I wouldn't want to be working in my eyes or mouth right now if I were them.

Boys got here yesterday, but son is taking care of them so I'm just chilling and inhaling coffee trying to feel better.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#848171 - 11/09/12 11:54 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9564
Loc: San Diego, CA
Joe, love the dog and especially cat jokes! Always gets me going and not hating my kitties so much. I forget that they own my house and allow me to live here.

Rained. Wheeeeee. Maybe all my trees won't die. They are looking so icky. Need more rain. Weatherman promises tomorrow will be heavy rain. Crossing fingers. Heavy rain here means it comes down steadily for about 5 minutes. No biggie, but we sure need it. Either that or I cement in my entire property and only allow cactus to grow here.

So far no more throwing up from Bubba the indoorsie cat. Whew. Never again will I feed him anything with high salt content. I remembered too late that when he was about a year old he got very ill and as I took him to the vet thinking he was dying, the vet said, what did you feed him? I replied, lunch meat. To which I was was strongly warned no more heavy salt, sodium stuff, and sent home with 'tummy pills' for him. Was just an upset tummy so it seems. I guess I forgot and spent a load of time last evening cleaning up after his explosive upchucks. Yuk.

So far no more outbursts from tenant about the rent. Hope she didn't call in the 'troops' and that we all are calm and cool. Really makes me feel bad when I have to raise rents just to pay the extra expenses like taxes, sidewalk fee, water rate hikes. I am doing all I can to conserve, cutting down on my water use, low wattage lights all over, changed my car insurance so I only have liability now which saved me half of what I was paying, changed phone companies to save some bucks, no vacations, no extra eating out, using coupons for food, buying clothes at the thrift stores. Oh well. I have a roof over my head, they do too at bargain rates for this area and it will all work out. Life is STILL good.

Stay safe and warm and happy out there in Gamboomers land everyone.
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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