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#849702 - 11/15/12 07:49 PM Back To Work Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30064
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."
Hugh Downs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.

After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.

The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The drunk replies, "Boobs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I'm trying to get this posted while I still have some kind of a signal. yes

Remember that surprise I had for you? Here it comes...... happydance

IT'S THE "T" WORD!!!!! yay

Happy TGIF everybody! broccoli

Any more excitement and I'll be in the chiropractors office all day.

Actually it's back to work for me. hoo-ray! frown

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, & Monday and then off Tuesday & Thursday . I lose my Monday/Tuesday off, and then after Thanksgiving I lose my Saturday/Sunday off. thumbsup

They're real sorry to take our weekend, but it's Black Friday weekend, BLAH BLAH BLAH!! rolleyes

Well I'm out of smileys, which is like being out of punctuation to me, so I may as well close with my usual.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/15/12 07:53 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#849707 - 11/15/12 08:11 PM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Hi y'all.

It is still evening and we have great news about Moxie. She has hyperthyroid and we will be putting her on medication tomorrow. All the rest of the blood tests came out good. Otherwise, she is a healthy 16 year old cat. We should start seeing some results in a couple of weeks. yay

Now, it is music time, a good book and a fire.

Nite all.

Bets smile
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#849725 - 11/15/12 09:38 PM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42384
Loc: Alabama
WoooHoooo Bets, that is so good! puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#849727 - 11/15/12 09:41 PM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65239
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I love your quote today! If only everyone would understand that!
I am sorry you lost your days off. I imagine you will be busy till after the holidays.

Bets, I am very happy for you! catrub

L4L, have a great day!

I was supposed to go back to the corner yesterday but I didn't so maybe today is the day. duh I have Zumba first thing in the morning and then we will play it by ear. The vet wants me to cut back some of Merlin's running. I just do not think he will stand for it.

Have a great day everyone!


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (11/15/12 09:42 PM)
Edit Reason: L4L snuck in.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#849774 - 11/16/12 02:38 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7817
Loc: Greece
Bets thats very good news cat
Joe thanks for the laughs lol
Ana,I hope the time flies in the corner for you smile
Have all a happy Friday happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#849775 - 11/16/12 03:14 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all waveBets that's good news rahL4L how are you feeling?Better I hope,Ana enjoy your Zumba!Joe hope your time at work go by fast.Coffee is ready fall
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#849780 - 11/16/12 04:50 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17314
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Bets, l4l, Ana, Haroula, And Cailyn. Keep smiling Joe and work will go by faster. yes Bets glad to hear your kitty is going to be okay. cat L4L how are you doing? wave Ana Have a stress free day. happydance Haroula hope your weather is sunny. smile Cailyn your up early! puppy Wishing everyone a Great Day! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#849790 - 11/16/12 06:02 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5517
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

Have a fantastic Friday, everyone. fall

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#849791 - 11/16/12 06:16 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14569
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sorry you have to return to work.

Ana, enjoy Zumba. Hope you can convince Merlin that he needs to slow down.

Bets, Yay! So glad Moxie will be okay.

L4l, Good morning.

Haroula, happy Friday to you also.

Cailyn, coffee sounds terrific this morning.

Gerry, have a great day.

Venus, enjoy your work.

Midgie, it's getting close to moving day. See you when you come in.

Shopping with daughter and out to lunch today. Wishing everyone a wonder start to the weekend.
_________________________
Gail

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#849792 - 11/16/12 06:20 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: venus]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning my friends

Nan: thanks kissy

Ana: what a great pic of the buck. That's soooo magic. I got your email this time. Will answer it today.

Bets: I'am so happy about the Moxie results. Give her a cuddle please.

Yesterday I had another fright: I was working on my computer and wanted to save a file on my USB stick (the one I use for every picture, every schooling video and every file regarding my ceramics) and suddenly the system said: "can't read the device". Badest luck of all: I didn't have a backup. Yes, you can call me every word that's forbidden on GB and you would be right mad thumbsdown oops help An IT friend of ours tried to recover the data, with no positive result. Today he is trying it again on another system and I pray and hope he can recover the data. Otherwise it would be disaster... How can an otherwise smart girl like me whistle do such a stupid thing and don't have a backup I don't understand. I know it's not the end of the world but...... >sigh<

Anyway, I wish you a happy day and pleeeeeease do backups!... and don't forget to smile....

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#849805 - 11/16/12 07:33 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8121
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Bets, Wonderful news that Moxie will be OK with meds. catrub Evelyn, I hope you can get your data back. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all that follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Fruit cups in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#849820 - 11/16/12 09:08 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13696
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe so sorry that they made a change in your hours. sad Soon things will be back to normal. Have a good day at work and thanks for the chuckles.

Bets happydance that is great news about Moxie!!! Hope the meds do the trick and she be back to normal quickly!

Ana it is so hard for our "kids" to understand what is going on. They sit and look at ya like .....come on let's go! and you know that you have to have them slow down a bit.Hope Merlin will understand a little.

Have fun at class and enjoy the freedom while you can.

Haroula, Cailyn, and Gerry have a lovely day!

venus have fun at work!

Gail shopping and lunch out sound great....enjoy!!

Oh Evelyne hope your IT friend is successful!!! What an awful feeling! HUGS!!

Connie have fun what ever comes up to do!! Thanks for the dansih!

No plans till taxi time and then off to work the last fish fry till next year. None through the holidays do to bookings of the hall for otherthings.

wave
Nan

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#849832 - 11/16/12 09:55 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9404
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Here's to an easy peasy Friday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#849845 - 11/16/12 11:13 AM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning friends.

Got a load of laundry in then took off to the vets to get Moxie's med. Back home and another load ow laundry. Susie is coming over today as she has the day off. We will do something together, then dinner.

Tomorrow, Vince is going to see his brother Greg. He has been off of fluids and food and on heavy doses of morphine. Don't think it will be too long now.

Just lost a neighbor from lung cancer on Wednesday. It was a blessing for her.

Sunday, we are going over to Dave and Carol's for dinner.

Hey, Thanksgiving is next Thursday. Can you believe it? Then guess what's after that. I'm not ready for it. Usually have all my shopping done by now. Hah!! not this year.

Well, I think I will go do some browsing on the net so will wish everyone a wonderful day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#849862 - 11/16/12 12:33 PM Re: Back To Work Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42384
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Boys are here, day is cold, and I'm doing better. happydance

wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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