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#849923 - 11/16/12 08:49 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30150
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone


I know that "going blank" feeling. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.  wave

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee.  thumbsup

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, I'll sell more coffee.  yes

The coffee is $10 a cup. grin

Joebucks coffee. wink

Maybe I should sell the jokes and give the coffee away. think

I'll could call it The Comedy Flub. lol

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/16/12 08:52 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#849928 - 11/16/12 09:14 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65756
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol I'll take a large black dark roast please and thank you. You know you could sell coffee and comedy and call it Joekbucks. grin

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#849930 - 11/16/12 09:22 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7412
Loc: San Diego, CA
"Joekbucks"...good one Ana! I'd buy stock in that company.

Just got back in from hosing off my driveway entrance. Seems someone got 'poop' on their shoe and wiped it off with some post office change of address forms and left them smack dab in the middle of my driveway entrance. The mess was stuck to the concrete and I had to remove it, dispose of it and the hose off the area. I hope I got it. It was entirely dark when I finally got the hose to reach out that far. Ugh. Couldn't leave the 'sticky' stuff since cars going in or out would 'track' it up the driveway and I had no idea if it was animal or human. Smelled more like human. YUK! WHY did I smell it?!!!! scared
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#849947 - 11/16/12 11:58 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13230
Loc: Palouse country
Heads up Joe and et al; Denny's just put out a brief bit on "The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey".

Okay, back to wrestling then to bed.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#849957 - 11/17/12 02:46 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8101
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,its a rainy morning here
but no cold happydance
Have all a nice day wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#849969 - 11/17/12 06:27 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14744
Loc: Massachusetts
Good mornining. Thanks Joe for your openers. The diner is the first place I come to after I have a sip of tea. Morning Ana. How's your head this morning. Migraine gone? Hi Sorta, eew...that's gotta be a nasty job. Hey Trippy wave How are you, my friend? Hi Haroula. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. I have to get going now. Work is calling me. Oh, don't forget to exercise. It's so important.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#849971 - 11/17/12 07:03 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8196
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I think we will start putting up our Chrismas lights today. Robert will be here to help, as he's leaving for a trip to California Monday. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Pancakes, Omelets, and French Toast in the NC. Lots of Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows too. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#849972 - 11/17/12 07:56 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9716
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning everyone. Have a great day. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#849974 - 11/17/12 08:05 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14783
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I'll have a cup of that Joebucks coffee while I read the jokes,

Ana, Enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Sorta, have a great day.

Haroula, glad your weather isn't cold.

Midgie, have an easy time at work. I'll be walking soon for exercise.

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Morning Space.

walking the dogs this morning. Not sure whast's on the agenda for the rest of the day.
_________________________
Gail

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#849981 - 11/17/12 09:25 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 935
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave

Good luck on your final move tomorrow Midge. You'll finally be able to relax and not be bothered by that landlady. luck

Hope Sassy is doing well Nan?

Haroula, glad it's not cold there. A rainy day is a good excuse to cozy up with your computer and play. smile

Have fun decorating Connie. Breakfast is always welcome. thanks

Space Quest Fan and Gail - You both have great days too! penguin

Sorta, sorry to hear about the mess. That's a disgusting cleanup! sick

Ana, glad to hear your migraine went away.

Joe, glad you were able to enjoy the company of Baby and Pepper.

Yesterday I tried to go bowling. The walk was harder than I remember it being but I got there. Just to find out that the hours for open bowling were changed due to tournaments. It was just as well I didn't know because I might not have gotten my walk in otherwise.

Today I'm going to walk again. I have to walk down to the Family Dollar to pickup a couple things. I'm always on the lookout for a reason to take a walk! laugh It's going to get harder going forward as I hate the cold, but I'll get used to it. smile

Gameboomers, enjoy your weekend! burger yay devilchili

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#849988 - 11/17/12 10:27 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: SharonB]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good Saturday (just wanted to write "Satyrday" lol) morning my friends!

Weather is nice here. Sunshine and temps in the 48F. Hubby and I had a long walk in the woods and now my rheumatism is flaring up again. I'am standing on one leg right now because the knee of the other one is hurting baaaaadly thumbsdown Who says walking is healthy?

I like the word Joekbucks Ana! You are beating Darlene today in inventing made-up words.
Since I'am a great Chai Tea Latte fan and Joe says only the coffee cost 10 bucks, I don't have to pay in Joe's Dinner. WooHooooo

To Midge a happy moving day!

To Sharon: keep walking!

To Sorta: yuk yuk yuk!

To Trippy: wanted to tell you for ages that I have a friend with a Doberman. Her (the dogs) name is Eilika. Beautiful dogs!

To all: have a wonderful day and enjoy life!

kissy Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#850002 - 11/17/12 11:51 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5673
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and have a terrific day Joe, Ana, Sorta, 3D, Haroula, Midge, Connie, Space Quest, Gail, Sharon, Gimil and anyone who comes in after me. wave

I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, so I'm just getting as much rest as I can before the week of enormous stress is upon me. lol I only worked my scheduled hours yesterday, even though I could have worked later if I'd wanted. This thing certainly has bad timing. shame Oh, well, I still worked good hours this week, and next week, my hours will be even better.

As for now, I'm off to get some more rest. Have a great Saturday, everyone. fall

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#850024 - 11/17/12 12:55 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65756
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I slept in this morning and feel like I am running behind since. I am in slug mode. lol

I am going to go to the mall to check out a sweater sale daughter informed me of and then I will run the dogs. We will see what happens after that.
I need to jump in the shower first so I best get rolling!

Have a great day!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#850047 - 11/17/12 02:22 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9479
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joebucks! Thanks for the openers! And I like the idea of Joebucks! Works for us!

Howdy, Ana, Sorta, Trippy, Haroula, Midgie, Connie, SQFan, Gail, Sharon, Evelyne, and venus!

Good morning, (just slippin' under the wire smile ) sweet 'Boomies!

Light rain here. Lovely...

Don't know what the day holds. Daughter just text me she is quite excited. They just bought a new sofa ( It's sooo big, mom, that you almost have to crawl in and out of it! ) and new dining room set. Wants us to come and enjoy tomorrow after noon. Choose a great wine to celebrate, mom! smile

Slept in and it felt mahvelous! Now, I'm sippin' on Hubby's brew and reading the posts. Life is good!

Hey, Midgie! One more day until you can enjoy your new abode, yes? woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#850054 - 11/17/12 02:48 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42635
Loc: Alabama
azazSXDCFV
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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