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Saturdiner #849923
11/16/12 09:49 PM
11/16/12 09:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone


I know that "going blank" feeling. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.  wave

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee.  thumbsup

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, I'll sell more coffee.  yes

The coffee is $10 a cup. grin

Joebucks coffee. wink

Maybe I should sell the jokes and give the coffee away. think

I'll could call it The Comedy Flub. lol

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 11/16/12 09:52 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849928
11/16/12 10:14 PM
11/16/12 10:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
lol I'll take a large black dark roast please and thank you. You know you could sell coffee and comedy and call it Joekbucks. grin

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849930
11/16/12 10:22 PM
11/16/12 10:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
"Joekbucks"...good one Ana! I'd buy stock in that company.

Just got back in from hosing off my driveway entrance. Seems someone got 'poop' on their shoe and wiped it off with some post office change of address forms and left them smack dab in the middle of my driveway entrance. The mess was stuck to the concrete and I had to remove it, dispose of it and the hose off the area. I hope I got it. It was entirely dark when I finally got the hose to reach out that far. Ugh. Couldn't leave the 'sticky' stuff since cars going in or out would 'track' it up the driveway and I had no idea if it was animal or human. Smelled more like human. YUK! WHY did I smell it?!!!! scared


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849947
11/17/12 12:58 AM
11/17/12 12:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Heads up Joe and et al; Denny's just put out a brief bit on "The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey".

Okay, back to wrestling then to bed.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849957
11/17/12 03:46 AM
11/17/12 03:46 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers,its a rainy morning here
but no cold happydance
Have all a nice day wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849969
11/17/12 07:27 AM
11/17/12 07:27 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good mornining. Thanks Joe for your openers. The diner is the first place I come to after I have a sip of tea. Morning Ana. How's your head this morning. Migraine gone? Hi Sorta, eew...that's gotta be a nasty job. Hey Trippy wave How are you, my friend? Hi Haroula. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. I have to get going now. Work is calling me. Oh, don't forget to exercise. It's so important.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849971
11/17/12 08:03 AM
11/17/12 08:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I think we will start putting up our Chrismas lights today. Robert will be here to help, as he's leaving for a trip to California Monday. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Pancakes, Omelets, and French Toast in the NC. Lots of Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows too. penguin


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849972
11/17/12 08:56 AM
11/17/12 08:56 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning everyone. Have a great day. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #849974
11/17/12 09:05 AM
11/17/12 09:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I'll have a cup of that Joebucks coffee while I read the jokes,

Ana, Enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Sorta, have a great day.

Haroula, glad your weather isn't cold.

Midgie, have an easy time at work. I'll be walking soon for exercise.

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Morning Space.

walking the dogs this morning. Not sure whast's on the agenda for the rest of the day.


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC] #849981
11/17/12 10:25 AM
11/17/12 10:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
SharonB Offline
Addicted Boomer
SharonB  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave

Good luck on your final move tomorrow Midge. You'll finally be able to relax and not be bothered by that landlady. luck

Hope Sassy is doing well Nan?

Haroula, glad it's not cold there. A rainy day is a good excuse to cozy up with your computer and play. smile

Have fun decorating Connie. Breakfast is always welcome. thanks

Space Quest Fan and Gail - You both have great days too! penguin

Sorta, sorry to hear about the mess. That's a disgusting cleanup! sick

Ana, glad to hear your migraine went away.

Joe, glad you were able to enjoy the company of Baby and Pepper.

Yesterday I tried to go bowling. The walk was harder than I remember it being but I got there. Just to find out that the hours for open bowling were changed due to tournaments. It was just as well I didn't know because I might not have gotten my walk in otherwise.

Today I'm going to walk again. I have to walk down to the Family Dollar to pickup a couple things. I'm always on the lookout for a reason to take a walk! laugh It's going to get harder going forward as I hate the cold, but I'll get used to it. smile

Gameboomers, enjoy your weekend! burger yay devilchili

Re: Saturdiner [Re: SharonB] #849988
11/17/12 11:27 AM
11/17/12 11:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,330
Switzerland
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer
Gimli  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,330
Switzerland
Good Saturday (just wanted to write "Satyrday" lol) morning my friends!

Weather is nice here. Sunshine and temps in the 48F. Hubby and I had a long walk in the woods and now my rheumatism is flaring up again. I'am standing on one leg right now because the knee of the other one is hurting baaaaadly thumbsdown Who says walking is healthy?

I like the word Joekbucks Ana! You are beating Darlene today in inventing made-up words.
Since I'am a great Chai Tea Latte fan and Joe says only the coffee cost 10 bucks, I don't have to pay in Joe's Dinner. WooHooooo

To Midge a happy moving day!

To Sharon: keep walking!

To Sorta: yuk yuk yuk!

To Trippy: wanted to tell you for ages that I have a friend with a Doberman. Her (the dogs) name is Eilika. Beautiful dogs!

To all: have a wonderful day and enjoy life!

kissy Evelyne


"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850002
11/17/12 12:51 PM
11/17/12 12:51 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and have a terrific day Joe, Ana, Sorta, 3D, Haroula, Midge, Connie, Space Quest, Gail, Sharon, Gimil and anyone who comes in after me. wave

I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, so I'm just getting as much rest as I can before the week of enormous stress is upon me. lol I only worked my scheduled hours yesterday, even though I could have worked later if I'd wanted. This thing certainly has bad timing. shame Oh, well, I still worked good hours this week, and next week, my hours will be even better.

As for now, I'm off to get some more rest. Have a great Saturday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850024
11/17/12 01:55 PM
11/17/12 01:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I slept in this morning and feel like I am running behind since. I am in slug mode. lol

I am going to go to the mall to check out a sweater sale daughter informed me of and then I will run the dogs. We will see what happens after that.
I need to jump in the shower first so I best get rolling!

Have a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #850047
11/17/12 03:22 PM
11/17/12 03:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joebucks! Thanks for the openers! And I like the idea of Joebucks! Works for us!

Howdy, Ana, Sorta, Trippy, Haroula, Midgie, Connie, SQFan, Gail, Sharon, Evelyne, and venus!

Good morning, (just slippin' under the wire smile ) sweet 'Boomies!

Light rain here. Lovely...

Don't know what the day holds. Daughter just text me she is quite excited. They just bought a new sofa ( It's sooo big, mom, that you almost have to crawl in and out of it! ) and new dining room set. Wants us to come and enjoy tomorrow after noon. Choose a great wine to celebrate, mom! smile

Slept in and it felt mahvelous! Now, I'm sippin' on Hubby's brew and reading the posts. Life is good!

Hey, Midgie! One more day until you can enjoy your new abode, yes? woot


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850054
11/17/12 03:48 PM
11/17/12 03:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
azazSXDCFV


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850056
11/17/12 03:53 PM
11/17/12 03:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
SharonB, thumbsup on all the walking.

Darlene, such cute quotes.

Son just took kids out of the house for a bit and hubby and I are thankfully listening to all the silence. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #850079
11/17/12 05:28 PM
11/17/12 05:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,077
rural Oregon, USA
BeaSong Offline
Addicted Boomer
BeaSong  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,077
rural Oregon, USA
LOVE the JoeBucks idea!
Happy weekend, Boomers!




"Come Watson, the Game is afoot!"
www.ransomofatawallpa.com
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850087
11/17/12 06:48 PM
11/17/12 06:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Just home from working the craft and bake sale at the Moose and getting ready to head out for a night of "moonlight" bowling!!!!

Hope everybody is having a wonderful day!!

L4l enjoy the quiet!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850088
11/17/12 06:48 PM
11/17/12 06:48 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Afternoon; cool and drizzly. Went to coffee this morn and then found out I'm on the list for the pool tournament this eve. Yipes, and I haven't practiced for at least a year.

Gimli, my dogs say hi to your friends dog. Is it a red or black/tan? Is it just a companion dog?
My dogs are total couch potatoes...

Off for a bit so a great eve to all.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Saturdiner [Re: 3dobermans] #850099
11/17/12 08:24 PM
11/17/12 08:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It was a really nice day here today but the temperature really drops when the sun goes down. Enjoy your evening.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Space Quest Fan] #850109
11/17/12 09:26 PM
11/17/12 09:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good evening ever body. wave

President, CEO, CFO, CBW (Chief Bottle Washer), and Cook of JoekBucks here. grin

I have a 12 hour unsupervised parole, and then back to work at 7:00am.

I'm trying to squeeze in as much resting and relaxing as I can get in here before my beddie-bye time. sleep

I hope your Satyrday was a super one. yes

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850118
11/17/12 09:48 PM
11/17/12 09:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I hope you have a good rest Joe. You deserve it.
I'm moving tomorrow and my computer won't be hooked up until Monday so I'll see you later. Be good . Bye wave

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850134
11/17/12 11:17 PM
11/17/12 11:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: venus] #850136
11/17/12 11:23 PM
11/17/12 11:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio

Good night Boomers wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #850140
11/17/12 11:38 PM
11/17/12 11:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, our quiet lasted a whole 2 1/2 minutes. rotfl

Boys are in son's room for the night and Soot and I are heading up to bed. We are both nursing the ickkies and we need to be able to travel next week. It's a 12 hour drive on a good day, and next Wednesday will be super trafficy so it will be longer.

Sleep well all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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