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#850311 - 11/18/12 10:04 PM Mundai Dinah
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman."
Honoré de Balzac
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stock Market Investment tips for 2013

Get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2013.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW! (OMG that's funny!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do morons like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him.

How did the moron fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.

How did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !

Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!

How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!

Hear about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".

Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why can't a moron dial 911?
He can't find the 11 on the phone!

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

I rest my case.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife....."Back off!" she said, they're for the funeral."


But I'm dieing to have one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Ouch my sides are aching.

It's not funny either.

But the jokes are.... lol

Ouch...ha ha....ouch

Who's up for breakfast?

Who's......up?? razz

Who's......in the diner???

Who's.....................................who? duh

Who are you?
Who who, who who
I really wanna know!

I'm in a silly mood. (like that's never happened before) snicker

I hope you'll all have a MaGnificent Monday.

Hey!! You know what I bought yesterday?

I bought a MAGlite.

MaG I did not know you were in the flashlight business. think

I always thought you were pretty bright though. idea wink

Have a happy day everyboomie.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#850317 - 11/18/12 10:59 PM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63347
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Enjoy your day off Joe. I hope it's full of everything good. hearts

Hope to have a dog run sometime today and I have dance at night. yay

I hope you all have a great day too!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#850322 - 11/18/12 11:33 PM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7294
Loc: the dusty desert
joe , really good jokes. hope you have a wonderful day !

ana , hope your run goes well , and have fun at dance !

to everyone else , wonderful day to you ! feel free to grab a chocolate croissant to go with joe's coffee !

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#850330 - 11/19/12 02:03 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6896
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Niteowi07 and all wave
Have all a happy day fall
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#850339 - 11/19/12 03:57 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: Haroula]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1733
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Morning Boom Boom Buddies fall


Hi ya Joe Thanks for the great openers lol


Howdy Ana I LOVE the pic of your Latte dogs
on Facebook puppy too cute snicker

Hi Nightowl07 hope you have a nice day~

Hi ya Haroula enjoy your morning


everybody else who comes in I wish you
a super day~Karen angel
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#850341 - 11/19/12 04:48 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: Drmojo]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all waveSlept late rahSo I'm rushing this morning got to get gr.daughter up for school,then it's off to the gym.Coffee is on have a great day everyone fall
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#850347 - 11/19/12 05:27 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, niteowl, Haroula, Karen, and Cailyn. Joe enjoy your day off. wave Ana sounds like a nice Monday for you. happydance Niteowl thanks for the chocolate croissant! Yummy! yes Haroula hope you have a sunny day. smile Karen how are you doing? Hope you have a happy day too. catrub Cailyn enjoy your workout! rah A Great Day wished for all! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#850355 - 11/19/12 05:53 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7807
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby just left to take Robert to the airport for his California trip. Please send positive vibes for a safe trip. He will be coming home again on Friday. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#850356 - 11/19/12 05:58 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave fall

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#850362 - 11/19/12 06:37 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13752
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your day is full of laughs!

Ana, enjoy your run and your dance.

Niteowl, good morning.

haroula, have a good day!

Karen, glad you're feeling better. talk to you later.

Cailyn, I slept over also. Need coffee please!

Gerry. have a great day!

Connie, good traveling vibes out to Robert for a safe trip.

Venus, good day to you.

Midgie, how did the move go? This has got to be a busy day for you.

To all who come in I'm wishing a wonderful start to the week.
_________________________
Gail

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#850403 - 11/19/12 09:58 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9145
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! It's a short work week and I'm lovin' that! Happy Mundai Dinah tooooooo yooooouuuu!!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#850412 - 11/19/12 11:24 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: Darlene]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave

I'm drooling over (the thought of) chocolate croissants and bacon sandwiches... tomato

L4L I hope you and Soot are feeling better.

Ana - Have a good time with your running and dancing.. That sounds like so much fun. broccoli

NiteOwl07 -- Did you have to mention chocolate croissants?? I'm walking past the Dunkin Donuts today... lol

Good morning Haroula!

You have a super day too Karen. smile

Sue - Hope your day gets less rushed.

Good morning Gerry.

Connie - Hope you have a great day and I'm vibrating in your husband's general direction. smile

Good morning Venus, Gail and Darlene! wave

Have to walk to the drug store today. I've been going over my receipts, etc and think they made a mistake in the quantity of a medication they gave me. I'm going to go discuss it with them.

Good excuse for a walk, isn't it? laugh

Wishing all Gameboomers a happy productive day.









Edited by SharonB (11/19/12 11:25 AM)

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#850418 - 11/19/12 11:32 AM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: SharonB]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2309
Loc: Switzerland
Hi and bye today wave

Busy day and now it's cooking-supper-for-hubby-time and then I'am going to bed early. My head is reporting: seems there will be snow tomorrow... thumbsdown

I wish you all a happy and noiseless day and..

Connie: I'am praying that everything is going well with Robert's trip.

wave kissy Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#850457 - 11/19/12 02:19 PM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41474
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll wave

Hubby got up and went to work and then to the doc and then home to try to heal before we embark on a 12+ hour car trip.

wave


Edited by looney4labs (11/19/12 02:29 PM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#850472 - 11/19/12 03:05 PM Re: Mundai Dinah [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 1886
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Wow what a lovely day -lets hope it's warm the rest of the week because of Thanksgiving. I won't be at home for 4 days and am still concerned about my pets -3 cats, 1 doggy. I never go anywhere so they always expect me at home. The neighbor who will be feeding them is most conscienshus, reliable and I've given him notes so all should be OK. But still.

I've started playing Black Ops 2 and it's a good shooter but not as good as Killzone 2. It's probably a keeper. Also playing Devil May Cry 1 -Dante can really hop skip and jump.

Remember those 18 tomato plants I started? well 9 survived. The seeds in the polystyrene cups all survived but the ones in the plastic party cups died. Something to consider.

Aufwiedersehn for today all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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