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#850761 - 11/20/12 07:02 PM Wee Neds Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30159
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."
Robert Lee Frost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.....OOPS! I'll bet you want some jokes.

I'll be back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


10 Office Rules:

10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.

9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you're always busy.

5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

10: I've run away to join a different circus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How's that?..........................MORE?

I'll be back!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.

4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

7. Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.

9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

10. The coffee machine is broken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There!

Good morning ever..Ooooo! There's that Deja Vu thing again shocked

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I'm a little winded from running back and forth and carrying all those jokes. tired

I don't mind though.

I love doing charity work. bravo

If I can make some people laugh or smile after eating my cooking, then I feel like I've probably saved a life......or two. burger


Maybe mine. Whew! slapforehead

Have you met my new cook Indy?

Indy Gestion? snicker

Have a happy day everyone......and some Tums.

I find they always help when I'm reading reruns. lol

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#850790 - 11/20/12 11:16 PM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65806
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, your hard work is much appreciated! hearts
I had a fantastic night with Sam and a couple of Peter's friends dancing the evening away. It's gonna hurt in the morning, but at the moment I feel great. rotfl

I'll be in the corner today to make up for my day of play.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#850801 - 11/21/12 02:54 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8115
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all.
This is a beautiful day hot and sunny,
ideal for shopping happydance
Have all a happy day wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#850803 - 11/21/12 03:35 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6098
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveI'm putting the coffee on for who ever needs some! Have a great day everyone turkey
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#850809 - 11/21/12 05:55 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17632
Loc: Marlborough USA
turkey Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe you always make me smile! Ana hope you"re not to sore from all that dancing! Haroula enjoy shopping. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Hope you got to go back to bed! Happy Day Wished For All! turkey
_________________________
Gerry

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#850810 - 11/21/12 05:55 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14789
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for making me laugh every morning!

Ana, sorry your fun is over but your work is very important to us. Hope it runs smoothly for you today.

Haroula, sounds like nice weather for you.

Cailyn, my coffee need is outstanding. Thanks.

To all who enter I'm wishing a wonderful day. turkey

Morning Gerry, we posted at the same time. turkey





Edited by GBC (11/21/12 05:56 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#850816 - 11/21/12 06:17 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8203
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. The boys are safely home, and Robert is in California. He had a beautiful flower arangement delivered to me yesterday. happydance To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. L4L and Soot, have a safe trip. angel A little last minute shopping today. Danish, Omelets, Oatmeal, and Pancakes in the NC. eatfish
_________________________
Connie

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#850857 - 11/21/12 09:56 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9482
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#850861 - 11/21/12 10:22 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: Darlene]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Fly and bye also today wave

Just wanted to say "safe travels" to all who are hitting the road to visit family for Thanksgiving. Take care!
eatfish I love that one!!

Hugs! from Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#850881 - 11/21/12 11:22 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7419
Loc: San Diego, CA
They're baaaack! Just when I thought the momma raccoon and her 3 adorable babies had gone 'home', the babies came back night before last. THEN last night they came again with the mom and turned the deck into a disaster area once again.

Went out at 10:30 pm to check on the outdoorsies and found the oldies tent hanging half off the table and the beds inside dragged across the deck. NO outdoorsie cats around at all. Sigh. Worried all night about maybe the oldies getting hurt, but this morning, there they all were, I counted heads and fed everyone and the 2 oldies were in their tent as usual. I will have to secure it better for tonight.

I think all the critters are used to each other and just find 'safe' places to hide while the activities are in progress, then they all return to the normal sleeping spots when it's safe.

Can't be too mad at the raccoon babies. They have doubled in size in a week and are sooooo cute!

Off to wander the neighborhood and see the progress on the sidewalks on the adjoining side street. All cable and phone wires are being moved to the new poles so that means soon the old poles will be removed and the digging will begin for sidewalks. City engineer was there yesterday marking the street and surveying everything. Looks good for things to happen soon.

Have a great before Turkey Day day everyone. turkey
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#850882 - 11/21/12 11:34 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13809
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Happy Thanksgiving Eve Everybody!!! May you all be safe if you are traveling and be sure to have all kinds of funn!!

Joe hope work flies and goes well. Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana glad you had fun last night since you will be in the corner today! Hope it moves right along for ya.

Haroula I take it you are kgoing shopping??? Have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for getting the coffee going!!

Gerry have a nice day!

Gail have a lovely day what ever you do!!

Connie glad to hear that the boys have made it safely!! Thanks for the danish!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!

Evelyne have a lovely day too!! I will be safe cause I am only walking to where I am going. lol

Sorta sorry the coons are back. lol Maybe one day they will leave but you treat them so well why would they? lol

wave
Nan

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#850883 - 11/21/12 11:36 AM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5686
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. Sorry for all the quick pop ins lately, but work has been crazy this week. At least I'll be getting some overtime, though I'll be happy when the week is over. yes

I have to go in this afternoon and work late tonight. Not a fan of those hours (I was happy when I finally got a job where I didn't have to close) but at least it's only for one day. I only have to go in tonight to do all the set up for Black Friday. I'll try to stop in once more today before I have to whoosh off to work.

Hope everyone is having a terrific Wednesday so far. eatfish

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#850927 - 11/21/12 01:34 PM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65806
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies. I think it's safe to come out of my dark corner now. Woke to a badly pounding head and went back to bed three times. lol I think this time I am good to go. grin

I will be in the corner working till bedtime so some periodic snacks would be welcome despite the "Do Not Feed" sign hanging up. rotfl

I hope you all are enjoying this great day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#850959 - 11/21/12 03:37 PM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5686
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, I'm off to work. Already counting the hours until I come home. lol

Have a good evening, everyone. turkey

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#850962 - 11/21/12 03:49 PM Re: Wee Neds Day [Re: venus]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30159
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hey everybody. wave

I'm home and boy oh boy am I happy. penguin

When I was leaving work, out of the blue my boss gave me tomorrow off, for no reason at all. WOO HOO! yay

What a great company!! wink

I just had a turkey chicken sandwich. Don't know where it came from. Probably a turkey chicken farm. eatfish

Now I'm having a Coke and Baby Ruth for dessert. thumbsup

I think I'll just stay home tonight since I'll be spending the whole day tomorrow at Mom's.

I need to do some cleaning around this dump anyway. razz

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I am very thankful for GameBoomers for MaG, Ana, L4L, and all the moderators, and all the diner friends. bravo hearts

I hope you're all having a great day, and a safe one for everyone who's travelling. yes

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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