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#851049 - 11/21/12 11:10 PM Thurday's Turkey of a Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29935
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming. wave

Since it's so early in the morning... ...new thoughts are a forming in my head.

They're largely incoherent. That's nothing to do with how early it is though.

They're just largely incoherent. crazy

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or "What have you been drinking?" rolleyes

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you freak."

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street. snicker

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"

"No, how?"

{{{{"HEY MISTER, DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}} rotfl

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're crazy. It's not even cold out. razz

Have a happy Thanksgiving Day everyone. turkey

joe thanksgiving


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/21/12 11:11 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#851053 - 11/21/12 11:19 PM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13152
Loc: Palouse country
Good morning, though a bit early here, but wish all a wonderful Thanksgiving.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#851056 - 11/21/12 11:26 PM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64406
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Thanksgiving Joe, Trippy and all! turkey

I will be walking the dogs, cooking dinner and working. The family will all be coming here in the evening including my grand puppies. hearts

I hope you all have a blessed day.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#851058 - 11/21/12 11:29 PM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9393
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Turkey Day Boomers. turkey


thanksgiving
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#851064 - 11/22/12 12:01 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: Space Quest Fan]
BeaSong Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/04
Posts: 2947
Loc: rural Oregon, USA
Happy Turkey Day, Boomies! So much to be thankful for! ONE, being this group of super people! bravo

I'm rushing to get a greeting out while my internet is connected. A recent storm blew our surge protector and damaged our modem, so it works off and on, hopefully long enough to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Don't eat too much!
I expect I'll be more stuffed than the turkey. rotfl

turkey eatfish
_________________________
B~
"Come Watson, the Game is afoot!"
www.tiotucan.com

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#851065 - 11/22/12 12:07 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64406
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, have a great day!

BeaSong, so nice of you to stop in. I hope your Thanksgiving Day is wonderful. I hope the storms have moved out now.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#851068 - 11/22/12 12:35 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
thanksgivingBoomers!!
Do you have to work today Joe?? I hope not.
Hi Trippy, hope you enjoy your day.
Ana, I finally got to check out LP! I have heard that song before and I love it and the video. So, do you know her??
Hi Space Quest, I hope you have a nice day. Hello Beasong, I'm not sure where you live in this great state but I think I know the storm you are talking about... wink. Hope you get your equipment fixed soon. Have a nice day too. And to all of the rest who will come later, Happy Day to all. turkey
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#851075 - 11/22/12 01:15 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13503
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!! May you all have a very Blessed day!!

Prayers for the Band of Angels around all those who may be traveling the holiday weekend. May you all have safe traveling.

I will be walking. lol Should be pretty safe, unless we get the freezing rain that is to turn to snow, that is.

Joe enjoy the day off and don't eat too much. lol

Ana sounds like a full day there, enjoy!! Hope the project is moving right along.

Beasong and Space have a Blessed Thanksgiving!!

thanksgiving
Nan

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#851076 - 11/22/12 02:08 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7448
Loc: Greece
Huppy thanksgiving wave
No sun today just rain...time to do some
home stuff...and play happydance
Have all a special day flowers
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#851084 - 11/22/12 04:00 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5998
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning All thanksgivingCoffee is on may your day be great turkey
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#851086 - 11/22/12 05:02 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16830
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall turkey Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving Joe, 3db, Ana, SpaceQ, Bea, Lotus, Nan, Haroula, Cailyn and all my Boomer friends celebrating today. Enjoy your day! turkey fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#851094 - 11/22/12 06:12 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14200
Loc: Massachusetts
thanksgiving thanksgiving thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Wishing everyone a wonderful day full of good food, family and friends! turkey
_________________________
Gail

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#851104 - 11/22/12 07:40 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7968
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning and thanksgiving to all my Diner friends. I will be cooking very soon. To all here and all that follow, enjoy your Thanksgiving Day. Danish, Waffles, and French Toast in the NC. turkey
_________________________
Connie

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#851108 - 11/22/12 08:08 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14562
Loc: Massachusetts
turkey thanksgiving to all.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#851109 - 11/22/12 08:08 AM Re: Thurday's Turkey of a Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14720
Loc: Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving. thanksgiving
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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