Oooo Ana, sounds like your experience was like "War of the Roses", loved that movie. Divorce nastiness to the ultimate. My 2 divorces were much easier. I just wrote my own divorce papers, handed them to a paralegal to file and it was all over. The paralegal asked what law school I graduated from? He was dumbfounded when I said I just did it myself. First one I just divided up all the assets (didn't have kids or own a house) and I had to appear in court (judge summoned me) to have him ask why I wasn't asking for alimony and that my soon to be ex could ask for it from me since I made more money. Thank goodness he never asked. He had a sweet deal anyway. Just gave him his car, his possessions, and any credit bills that he could handle on his salary. I took the lion's share. Just glad to have it over.

Second time, I asked for alimony because I kept the house (mega mortgage payments). He was nice to do a quitclaim (I had to do ALL the paperwork for everything) but was thankful we didn't have to sell. I probably would have contested that anyway since I had lived there for 20 years before he moved in and had plenty of sweat equity in it when we bought it only 2 years before the divorce.

I sure hope the 2nd ex follows up on the money. It's a good amount and he's retiring this year. Could come in handy.

Also found that 1st hubby has money due too! But he's somewhere in Mexico living on a ranch and I have no way to contact him. His loss.

Gave my teacher friend who I had lunch with a copy of HIS refund notice. It's a whopping 2 bucks! We all laughed. He's going to call his insurance company (where it's from) and tell them to send him 2 bucks and save the 45 cent stamp for the formal request from the state. Ha.

Divorce is nasty no matter how simple or complicated; definitely brings out the worst in people. Shortly after turning over the major assets info to my atty, realized I did not want to be living there thru the negotiations so I reserved a place at a local hotel. When I told him, he brought up the suitcases, told me not to forget my wedding dress and bought himself a new car with inherited $. Thankfully we don't have kids involved so it's just the 2 of us. He makes 2x what I do yet still fought maintenance. I spent 30 yrs with my parents, then 30 yrs with him, now I look forward to finally being on my own for as long as the fates allow.

I do agree with not holding a grudge, tho. My husband's not a horrible guy, I've outgrown him which bruised his ego. His sister, the only sibling I care about, is very nice. I do hope that, at time point, I can remain friends but that's the possible future. Now, he signs papers on Tuesday and I pray my atty can find time on the judge's schedule to get this done this year so that I don't have to deal with him with 2012 taxes.

We shall see. Trying to be open to whatever's meant to happen. Certainly didn't expect this year to turn out as it did.

Sorry about your bad year butterflybabe. I know how you feel. Hopefully the income tax stuff will go well. We had our taxes filed by a friend of the Landlord 3 years before our divorce. When we filed after the divorce, the IRS AUDITED us and we owed mega money because of a major error the tax preparer made. Was a mess for me, not the ex, since I choose to do the negotiations myself and pay the extra tax. Was so much easier than quibbling about who did what to whom and bringing up old feelings.

Good luck with all that you are going through.

And as I once said to my ex hubby's brother when he yelled at me about 'breaking up his first marriage', "sometimes you just gotta do what makes you happy".

If you are miserable something has to change. I chose to change husbands and that made me happy. Didn't last forever (hubby 2) but it was great while it did. Don't regret anything.

So just do what you gotta do and be happy!

Words to live by, Sorta! I've buried 2 husbands and am on my 3rd - and last! Exactly my philosophy in life too.

As a mediator, I always enjoy hearing about sensible/amicable outcomes following separation and as a collaborative divorce lawyer i try to steer my clients in that direction, but I make my real money from the clients who would probably prefer to kill their ex-partners/spouses!

Hey Lex, that sounds like a fun and challenging job. Actually, one of the reasons I decided to be oh so nice about my divorces (didn't want to 'ruin' their lives financially or otherwise) and because my first hubby was a Sheriff deputy and owned several guns (also ex MP military), and he had a very nasty temper, I decided I didn't want to provoke any bad incidents.

Came home one day after we made the final 'decision' and found him sitting there with a gun to his head. I laughed and told him I wasn't impressed and he laughed and showed me it wasn't loaded. Still...it was enough to make me think about the what ifs. Then I hid all his bullets. 6 months later he came back and asked sheepishly if I could give him the bullets now that everything was settled. I figured he was calm enough then since he was already married to his girlfriend (the reason for our divorce in the first place).

Too bad I forgot to take his house key then, because while I was off on a trip, he looted the house of everything he didn't take when we divided up stuff. I'm still finding missing items I didn't know he took. Half of my antique chair set of 12 (which I had lovingly refinished), my rare wood kitchen table (ditto for refinishing), ALL the yard chairs, all the chairs in the house (rocking, bar stools), all the camping equipment, our silverware set (stainless duh?), all the knives. Oh and some nice old crocks that we had indoors with palms in them. I didn't miss them for a year until I saw a picture I'd taken. I spoke to him once after that and he explained he would have taken some 'larger' stuff but couldn't fit it in his car! Geeee.


He wanted our cat, but thank goodness it was at a neighbor's house. Poor kitty would have been traumatized after 10 years here and moving to a small smoke filled apartment!

And the kicker, I came home from work one day to find some playing cards on the back step. Aces and 8's, which I later found out was the 'dead man's hand?'. He was an avid card player and this was from his favorite deck. Never really knew what was in his mind. That was 17 years ago so I think I'm safe now.

Second hubby made mega money and was hiding a lot of it in the last year before I got wise to his intentions. I decided to just let him keep his 'secrets' and ask for enough spousal support to cover my bills and not quibble over his 'stock options'. Made it easier to work things out. He decided on the amount and the time of payment. THEN halfway through, he decided to stop paying the support (said he had 'paid enough') so I bluffed him by saying it wouldn't be good for his executive position to have his driver's license revoked or be arrested at work and how I already had the paperwork filled out to file and it wouldn't cost me a penny. He agreed and we worked out a plan for him to pay less each month, for a longer time and WITH interest (all my idea). I finally after a few more hiccups in that area got the entire amount he had intended to pay. I didn't ask for a specific, he figured it all out himself and I kept reminding him of his promise. I sent him a nice thank you note after it was all paid. Never heard back from him.

Psychology works well on some people. Now he's happily married again (3rd one for him) and I'm oh so happy being single.