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#852195 - 11/26/12 11:27 PM Trippin Tuesday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29936
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist.

"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"
The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"
He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"
The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, that same word means 'index finger'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.

He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."

She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.

Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.

Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

You don't have to read all the jokes today.

I may just change the title to Wednesdiner tonight and repost it. lol

Now why doesn't spell check like that word Wednesdiner? headscratch

Probably the same reason it doesn't like "everyboomie". Because it also don't like noboomie, or should I say it doesn't like anyboomie? snicker

I've got a full day of vigorous physical activities planned at work. woot

I hope I don't pull a glooteus maximuscle during said activities. cool

I'll have some Excedrin Extra Strenght Glooteous pills ready just in case.

I hope you all have a happius maxius day. penguin

Oh here we go again with spell check. Picky, picky, picky! slapforehead

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/26/12 11:29 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#852197 - 11/26/12 11:42 PM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64413
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol At least your spellchech doesn'y change things automatically like the autocorrect on the Iphone. I have sent and received some very humorous text messages. grin

I hope you save some energy for head hunting. You are on a roll!

Have a great day everyone. The last two days have been very productive but not on my project. Today I have to stop the world from turning for awhile and and get it done.

Have a great day!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#852199 - 11/27/12 12:17 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14723
Loc: Unionville
Joe, thanks for the laughs lol
Ana, have a great day smile
Hi to all boomers that follow and hope you all have a Terrific Tuesday wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#852202 - 11/27/12 02:12 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7451
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,manxman and all wave
Have all a nice day yay12
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#852210 - 11/27/12 03:49 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6002
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,manxman,Haroula,and all who arrive later santaJoe and Ana sounds like you both have a busy day aheadI'll put the coffee on enjoy your day everyone presents12
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#852218 - 11/27/12 05:28 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16837
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe don't work to hard. monky Ana keep smiling grin . Manxman hope your day is relaxing. puppy Haroula enjoy your warm weather. smile Cailyn thanks for the coffee. wave Snow will be arriving within the hour. scared Take Care all and have a Nice Day! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#852221 - 11/27/12 05:58 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14204
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sounds like a busy day at work for you.

Ana, hope your project will run smoothly and quickly for you today.

Manxman, good morning.

Haroula, have a nice day!

Cailyn, coffee sounds great! I think you're getting rain today and we're getting snow.

Gerry, enjoy the snow.

Update on Karen: I talked to her in the hospital last night. She said to say hello to everyone. She's doing better and maybe can come home today but needs bed rest. She's recovering from Congestive Heart Failure with lots of fluids.

To all who enter...good day!


Doc appointment this morning. Snow is on the way but hopefully not a lot.
_________________________
Gail

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#852222 - 11/27/12 06:00 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a fantastic Tuesday, everyone. fall

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#852228 - 11/27/12 07:04 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7971
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Gail, thanks for the update on Karen. More prayers and hugs are on their way to her. angel Hubby has a Pet scan Thursday. Please send lots of positive vibes his way. We won't find out the results until next Tuesday, when he sees the doctor. Today is a bank and Sam's trip. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Waffles, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. presents12
_________________________
Connie

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#852250 - 11/27/12 09:58 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9290
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Tuesday's Trippin! smile

Karen, prayers of healing going up for you! hearts Big hugs!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#852254 - 11/27/12 10:34 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13505
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Just a fly-by for the moment as have a few errands that need running.

Ana, Ana, Ana!! Do you need to be tied to that chair???? lol Hope it goes quickly and smoothly!!

Gail thanks for the Karen update!! Keeping her in my thoughts and prayers. Best of luck at the doc!!

Joe thanks for the laughs!!

Connie prayers headed up!!! HUGS!

Have a wonderful day Manxman, Cailyn, Gerry, Midge, Darlene, venus, Haroula!!!

wave
Nan

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#852258 - 11/27/12 10:45 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: Darlene]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29936
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning Ana, MaG, L4L, Manxman, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, Venus, Connie, Darlene, Nan, and all Boomers. wave

It's been nice to sleep in, and sit and sip my coffee while surfing the net in leisure, for a change. yes

I get off at 7:00, and then I close for the rest of the week. I'm off again on Sunday. What that means is that I won't be doing any head hunting for the rest of the week. sad It's going to be a long week.

We're much cooler today, 58, and then warming back up to 67, and then 73 on Thursday.

Mom's yard is buried in leaves, so I know I'll be doing what I was hoping would be my BIL's duty by now. smirk

I really don't care to spend my precious days off raking leaves any more. rolleyes

I hope your day is a pleasant one, whatever you have going. yes

I'll see everyone after 7:00 tonight.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/27/12 10:46 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#852271 - 11/27/12 11:38 AM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7059
Loc: San Diego, CA
It's 56 degrees out and I'm sooooo cold. Shouldn't be. Every other morning it's been even lower and it feels fine. Must be some atmospheric mumbo jumbo at work. Even had to turn on my heater to get the dampness out of the house. Hummmmm.

Finally figured out that putting my favorite 'Dutch Dill Rye' bread in the fridge in a ziploc bag makes it dry out and I have to throw a lot away or toast it. Brought home 2 loaves and left them on the counter in their original wrappers and going on week 2, BOTH are fresh and moist. Go figure.

Had a visit from the gal down the street who was my student in the teen mother's class 17 years ago. She's always lived around here, but I seldom saw her. She's in the midst of the huge family dynasty that owns several adjoining properties just a few doors away. Her mom hates me (I dared to talk to her about 5 loose huge dogs when I thought one had been hit by a car and she told me to mind my own business) and it's very uncomfy to walk by there if she's around.

But the daughter is a delight. Messed up life big time from the age of 12 but is smart and energetic. If she had grown up in another family, I think she would have been something spectacular. AS it is, she's unemployed, has lost custody of her 2 youngest kids for the last 3 years (they are now 5 and 6) and is supposed to be doing classes, etc. to get them back. She's lagging on that. She doesn't even get to see them at all as they are in foster care. Sad, but the entire family is a mess.

Her family is the one that owns the house that was being used as an assisted care facility 2 blocks over and burned a month or two ago. 6 people were trapped inside and barely escaped. NOW I have the full story. It's really more complicated than I thought.

House is owned by this family, BUT they rented it to a single woman. The 'assisted care' part was something they had no idea of until it was in full swing. The lady running the care part (who rented the house) didn't live there at all, and only went over 2 times a day to 'toss food' to them as my student says. We laughed, but she was treating these folks like dogs. AND the reason they couldn't get out in the fire (and why they had to break a big picture window to escape) was not because of dead bolts on the door (the news said they couldn't find the key) BUT an actual PADLOCK on the door so they wouldn't wander when left alone most of the time. Fire started from a cigarette left on the patio outside and spread to the house.

So thankful they all got out (some had serious burns. Only casualty was a calico cat which died from smoke inhalation under a bed in a room barely touched by the fire. So sad.

Anyway the pictures she brought were from the fire investigators and are awesome. Melted TV's, yellow bathroom tile that you would swear was black tile. Everything gutted except the garage which was housing 2 or more people. Sigh. So sad.

Anyway, I think I now have a new 'stray' gal to play with. She's latched on and loves to talk (he main problem when I was her teacher). She talks and talks and just avoids real life. Family is pretty rich in property holding all over San Diego including a SHOPPING CENTER (wow!). Gonna look it up today on the map. Step dad was a real estate investor and owns several high priced properties. Why they live here (in a not so affluent area) is beyond me, but the holding are real (I did some research). BIG family, religious, always into something (usually police involved). Never a dull moment in Sortaville!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#852276 - 11/27/12 12:43 PM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello and goodbye...

I thought this week will be more relaxed but...awwwww.... not at all insane

I'am praying for Karen kissy and for Connie's hubby kissy
and hope everything will be ok!

Don't forget me, will be back snicker

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#852279 - 11/27/12 12:48 PM Re: Trippin Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42041
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I got up to grey skies and rain. I knew it was raining cos as I sat here checking headlines, a soaking dog nose was inserted underneath my arm. So I quit suring and got up and dried everyone.

Then made the discovery that our phone is on the blink. The kids called and either I could hear them but they couldn't hear me or vice versa. So I thought I'd get my emergency cell phone out, but that was not in my purse where it belongs. So, fell back to email and asked hubby to call Brighthouse to see what was up.

Eventually found my cell phone on the tv base in the bedroom. Who knows how it got there. At least Sky hadn't taken it outside. So all those rollover minutes will come in handy til the phone is working correctly again.

I talked to hubby who said Brighthouse told him we were not the first to call. Apparently, they know there is a problem but not where or how to fix hardwall Son just got up and said the net was down last night, so maybe it is all one big squirrely mess.

So, I'm going to post this while I can. wave

Edit: Eeeeeek....it's a good thing the doggies needed more water. Went up to get them some and found a fire on the stove. Son heard me yell Fire and decided that I was not talking about the Kindle one. Windows and doors are open and house is airing out. Chest is a wee bit grouchy now though. puppy


Edited by looney4labs (11/27/12 02:11 PM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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