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#852853 - 11/30/12 01:12 AM Friday's Dazzling Daze
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30027
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Temperature Effect
Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...



60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to be
funny. tired

Four days down, two to go.

Two closes down, and two to go, and after closing, my feet literally feel like I'm walking on pins and needles. smirk

Don't ask me which feels worse, the pins or the needles. razz

On the positive side, at least I don't feel that way when I sit down. scared

Also on the positive side, I absolutely positively need to get to the bedroom and use my bed.

I like to lay on it and do my impression of a paper weight. sleep

Actually I think it's more like a sheet weight. snicker

The only thing I like doing more than that is lying on the couch doing my impression of a vegetable.

OY! I hope these old feet will carry me all the way back there.

Although I have some experience with crawling, I prefer to keep that option as a last resort.

Have a happy day everyone. wave

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/30/12 01:25 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#852857 - 11/30/12 02:24 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe and everyone santaI hope today is a great day for you all!Coffee is a brewing puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#852858 - 11/30/12 02:24 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7669
Loc: Greece
Good morning and happy day gameboomers.
Junior had a little accident yesterday.
He fell and hit his head near his eye cry
in the corner of the table in the living room.
duh
Imagine what happens after...
Any way,he is fine but with a rip near his eye yes
Well off to work wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#852867 - 11/30/12 04:11 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
JennyP Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/22/04
Posts: 14334
Loc: West London, UK
Good morning everyone - sorry not popped by for a while, things not going so well as per usual.
Hope everyone and their pets are well & happy.
Last day of week off and just about to go to the zoo. Hot chocolate drink with calorie free whipped cream in the corner for you all - its icy today.
_________________________
When in doubt, cuddle a catcatrub

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#852870 - 11/30/12 05:34 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17161
Loc: Marlborough USA
santa Good Morning Joe, Cailyn, Haroula and JennyP. Joe hope the feet feel better. Cailyn you are up sooo early! Poor Junior, Haroula. Glad it's just a bump. JennyP I hope things get better for you. I'm thinking of you! Take Care. Hope it's a quiet Friday for all! santa
_________________________
Gerry

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#852873 - 11/30/12 05:57 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14640
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers this morning.You got me laughing. Have a great day. Morning Sue, Haroula, Jenny, Gerry, and all who follow me in. Jenny it's so good to see you here in the diner. Hope you are well. kissy
I have an early shift this morning. See you guys later. Be good. Exercise smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#852875 - 11/30/12 06:00 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5423
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Off for yet another work whoosh. wave Have a terrific Friday, everyone. fall santa

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#852877 - 11/30/12 06:43 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14434
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Good day is wished to all!

Whooshing off. Got a Doc appointment this morning. Be back later. santa
_________________________
Gail

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#852879 - 11/30/12 06:54 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8073
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Gail, prayers for your Dr. visit. angel Shopping with SIL later today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish and Waffles in the NC. santa
_________________________
Connie

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#852914 - 11/30/12 10:13 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Friday's Dazzling!

Gail, prayers going up for your doctor's appointment! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#852922 - 11/30/12 10:43 AM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42278
Loc: Alabama
Good morning all puppy

I'm up and sipping and surfing for a minute before I leave for my eye doctor's appointment. The Cully here lying on the couch upside down whilst playing Mario. Son (dad) is still quite sick, and going back to lie down til I have to leave.

I have cleaning and book cooking in my future, and apparently petting dogs as my hand is being flung off the keyboard with regularity.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#852947 - 11/30/12 12:41 PM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: Darlene]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30027
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone. wave

I'm on my way out the door to do a few errands before work. yes

It's very overcast and windy here but, we are supposed to be in the 70s for the rest of the week. Even close to 80 on Saturday & Sunday. smirk

I hope you all have a very nice day. fall

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#852953 - 11/30/12 01:00 PM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Joe, Sue, Haroula, Jenny, Gerry, Midgie, venus, Gail, Connie, Darlene and L4L!! And to all who come after! wink

Sorry about your little guy Haroula, glad he will be okay.

So happy to see you here Jenny, hang in there!!

Prayers for your doctor appt. Gail.

Hope you don't get son's bug, L4L1

May your work day go fast and easy, Joe.

I suppose Miss Ana is hard at it in the naughty corner.

West Coast still getting hard hit with storms. Inland is actually getting higher winds right now.

Adios and Happy Gaming!!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#852958 - 11/30/12 01:24 PM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64947
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies. Not in the corner yet, still waiting, but I had to zoom off to Zumba this morning and then was on the phone with daughter for a long time. Now I am fed and ready to run the dogs in the woods.

I found a large hornets nest yesterday. Hornets nest
I know where not to walk next spring. grin

Haroula, I hope your little one is okay.

Gail, prayers your doctor has good news for you.

be back after my walk....

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#852961 - 11/30/12 01:32 PM Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze [Re: gymcandy1]
JennyP Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/22/04
Posts: 14334
Loc: West London, UK
Back from the zoo, popping pics on Facebook. Poor half starved Jaffa was very glad to see me, its his annual check up next week and I KNOW the vet will mention he weighs the same as a ten ton truck ..
_________________________
When in doubt, cuddle a catcatrub

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