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#853281 - 12/02/12 01:06 AM Sumday Morning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29937
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone


I know that "going blank" feeling. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. 

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee. 

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, I'll sell more coffee. 

It's Sunday and I'm off so wake up and smell the roses. penguin

Eat At Joe's and have a gas today everybody. grin12

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#853288 - 12/02/12 02:35 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7461
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,time for church and then
playground happydance12
Have all a happy Sunday wave12
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#853289 - 12/02/12 03:22 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6003
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula wave12Joe have a great day off! Gerry hi to you when you arrive santa Coffee is brewing along with some donuts and donut holes,have a great day everyone happydance12
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#853292 - 12/02/12 04:05 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Just realized I forgot to post yesterday. oops Sorry about that.

Anyway, today it's time for yet another quick hello and goodbye. wave12 Too early in the morning for me. lol12

Hope everyone here has a terrific Sunday. presents12


Edited by venus (12/02/12 04:06 AM)

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#853295 - 12/02/12 06:08 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14564
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning.Thanks Joe for your openers. Have a great day off. Morning Haroula, Sue, venus, and everyone who follows me in the diner. I have an early shift today. Have a great day everyone. Be good. Exercise santa presents12

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#853299 - 12/02/12 06:48 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14211
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your day off!

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee.

Venus, hi and bye!

Midgie, wishing you a good day!

To all who enter....Happy day! Church this morning then a very nice quiet day.
_________________________
Gail

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#853304 - 12/02/12 07:06 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7973
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out after our walk this morning. L4L, prayers the surgery worked, and your MIL has a quick and easy recovery. hearts To all here and all who follow, Enjoy your Sunday. Danish, Apple Turnovers, and Omelets in the NC. santadance
_________________________
Connie

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#853308 - 12/02/12 08:51 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9398
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Sunday everyone. monky
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#853318 - 12/02/12 10:12 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: Space Quest Fan]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29937
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave12

I've been enjoying a lazy morning of sippin & surfin. wink12

It's going to be almost 80 degrees here today. duh12

Last night at 6:30 we were still at 75 degrees. smirk

I'm fixing to get my stuff together and head over to Mom's place..........which now looks like I'll be making my place again soon.

My sister and BIL have backed out of buying Mom's place. insane

Don't ask..... crazy

Anyway, I plan on doing some serious head hunting here in a hurry. penguin

I hope everyone has a restful Sunday. santadance

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/02/12 07:41 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#853319 - 12/02/12 10:13 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9291
Loc: Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day off is easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Volunteering at church this morning, then an easy peasy day!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#853332 - 12/02/12 10:39 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42051
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Woke up, turned on my light, got my eye med and layed back to put them in,and it a bump. Couldn't lie all the way back. Hmmmmm...... Turned around to scoot Seagan or the move the pillow (whichever was in my way) and there was sweet hubby blinking at me. Ooops. He never sleeps as late as I do so I didn't check before turning on the light.

Came down to the den to find son lying on the couch playing Go Fish with the Per. Per was using son as a table and had all his "book" spread along son's legs.

Hubby and I are heading out to see "Christmas Carol" in a bit. I'll be medicated to the gills as tummy decided it didn't like life last night late. We can't switch the tickets now (has to be 24 hours before the performance). We have great seats and I love the play. So I'll just have to convince tummy to play ball.

Hubby and I had planned a stop for Chinese and some Christmas shopping for the day too, but I don't think that is going to happen.

Joe, so how do you feel about going back to mom's? I know Baby will be happy. Happy hunting!

Haroula, have a great day. Do you all get snow?

Cailyn, thanks for the donut holes. I'm going to leave a few out in the air to get crunchy.

Venus, happy wooshing.

Midgy, hope work goes smoothly and the rest of the day is wonderful.

Gail, have a great day.

Connie, thanks for the prayers. Mil is sleeping per last report and the doctors are pleased. How was hubby's scan?

Quest, have a great day yourself.

Darlene, happy skooshing!
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#853333 - 12/02/12 10:40 AM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64426
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh My Joe! You just answered my prayers! There is such a thing as a miracle. I am doing cartwheels for you and baby. woot hearts

I am off to the club to do a weightlifting class, then a walk in the woods with the dogs and then daughter is coming over to visit. :yay:

I am no longer in the corner until sometime tomorrow.

Have a great day everyone!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#853371 - 12/02/12 02:45 PM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13509
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Oh Joe that puppy of yours sure will be happy and I hope you are too. At least you won't keep loosing the net!! Thanks for the chuckles and happy hunting!!

Ana glad you are out of the corner but I don't understand, but then not mine to understand. lol12 Enjoy your freedom!!

Haroula enjoy church and the playground.

Cailyn, Midge, venus, Space have a wonderful day!

Gail enjoy churcu and the relaxing afternoon!! Hope there is some gaming in there too!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

Darlene enjoy church and have fun volunteering!!!

L4l prayers that your tummy will cooperate so you may enjoy the play!! HUGS!! Hope son is feeling better.

No plans for today but ya never know around here. lol12

wave12
Nan

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#853380 - 12/02/12 03:14 PM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2023
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Up to 83 today -wonderful weather and tomorrow will be 81

Doggy won't eat, so unusual. If she doesn't start by tomorrow, it's off to the dreaded vet. And Moira, cat, is sleeping alot too. Hope they get better. I've had a cold maybe that has affected them.

I've just rescued 2 small butterflies and a lady bug who were trying to get outside via window. Imagine, a lady bug on 12/2/12

Kim Komando, anybody listen to her? She's on every Sunday here and gives away fantastic gifts around Christmas.

Happy Sunday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#853384 - 12/02/12 03:25 PM Re: Sumday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Happy Sunday everyone!! Oh Joe, I, like Ana, am overjoyed for you and Baby!! That is wonderful news!! L4L, I sure hope your tummy feels bettah and you can enjoy your play. Stay warm Nan. I am just a bit green towards those of you with nice, warm weather. Imagine that!! Strange thing, though. I have a gladiola blooming in a pot outside my house. I have never seen them later than early Sept. Might just play some games this rainy afternoon in between the big storms. Yes, more expected for tomorrow night!! Yikes!! Happy Gaming!! wave12
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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