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#854354 - 12/06/12 10:12 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30024
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming. santadance

Since it's so early in the morning... ...new thoughts are a forming in my head as well. Although some believe all is NOT well in my head.

Nobody cares what my sister thinks though. snicker

Anyway, my thoughts are largely incoherent. That's nothing to do with how early it is though.

They're just largely incoherent. rolleyes12

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or something nice like, "What have you been drinking?"

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you wacko." scared

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street. razz12

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"

"No I don't, how?"

{{{{"HEY MISTER, DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}} rotfl12

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're nuts. It's not even cold outside.

Have a happy day everyone. urock

joe


THEY"LL NEVER CATCH ME! penguin

"RUN FORREST RUN!!"


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/06/12 10:16 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#854365 - 12/06/12 11:15 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5417
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and have a terrific Friday Joe and all who come in after me. wave12

It's late Thursday night for me, and I should have been in bed by now. I lost track of time, and I blame kitty version Venus for not getting off my lap while I was watching Netflix shows. lol12

I had a great day off today, but it's back to work for me in the morning. It's going to be another long day.

Hope everyone else has a terrific Friday, and see you in the morning if I have time. wave12

sleep12

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#854372 - 12/07/12 12:13 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64922
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, venus and all to follow.

I just finished my project, so it's Zumba in the morning and then I hope the rain will hold up so I can run the dogs. They haven't been out in days.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#854378 - 12/07/12 12:47 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and all who come after. I was out of town all day yesterday , well, mots of the day and it was late when I came to the Diner. Hi Gimli, glad to see you back. sorry about the Elders, they can be a handful and I only have one... grin12 . Wishing everyone a great day. Happy Gaming!! wave12
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#854380 - 12/07/12 01:30 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BobH Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 1697
Loc: 47.79N, 122.24W
Good Evening everyone, like Venus, my kitty likes to sit on my lap while I watch Netflix shows. She does this every night. catrub

By the way, last night I watched Astrópía. A cute movie with a RPG theme. Recommended. thumbsup12
_________________________
Bob
I've learned that if you're too busy to help a friend, you're too busy.

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#854385 - 12/07/12 02:38 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7659
Loc: Greece
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana,Lottus,Bob and all who come after. wave12
Have all a happy day santadance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#854387 - 12/07/12 03:23 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomers wave12

Joe, you made me laugh out loud with the "selling a watch to a deaf person" joke of yours. Take the warm jacket from the white people and run.... winter is just round the corner snicker

Ana: congrats on finishing the project! What's next? kissy12

I'am going for lunch with a pianist friend of mine and afterwards she's playing a few Lutoslawski pieces for me at her home. She's a great pianist, also in the States. I'am looking forward to a great lunch and afternoon. Life is good for a change.

I wish all of you a similarly good day.
Love from Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#854408 - 12/07/12 04:54 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17152
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave12 Good Morning aal. Sure is busy in the Diner this morning. Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for all! wave12
_________________________
Gerry

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#854418 - 12/07/12 05:17 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning everyone wave12rushing out to the gym,Gerry thanks for the coffee santaHave a happy day everyone smile12
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#854426 - 12/07/12 07:32 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8070
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I finished wrapping the Christmas presents yesterday. presents12 I think we might make a Costco trip today. Tomorrow I'm going on an early shopping trip with best friend. santadance To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. santa
_________________________
Connie

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#854428 - 12/07/12 07:42 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14426
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're funny.

Venus, glad you had a great day off.

Ana, enjoy the day out of the corner!

Lotus, have a great day also.

Bob, good morning.

Evelyne, sounds like a wonderful day for you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Cailyn, enjoy the gym.

Connie, isn't it nice wrapping up on the wrapping. Thanks for the Danish.

Haroula, have a wonderful day.

Midgie, how are you doing in your new place?

Nan, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Wishing a great day planned for everyone.
_________________________
Gail

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#854432 - 12/07/12 08:18 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9520
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to the weekend Boomers.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#854434 - 12/07/12 08:43 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Space Quest Fan]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15100
Loc: Unionville
Good morning everyone. It's cold here today. Think I'll stay in where it's warm. smile12
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#854452 - 12/07/12 09:59 AM Re: TGIF [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day is awesome!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#854454 - 12/07/12 10:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Darlene]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30024
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave12

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. santadance

My friend and I are fixing to go hunt some heads. woot

I wish you all a fantastic TGIF. yay12

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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