"The years teach much which the days never know."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These", she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."
A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.
To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved "I love you, Sally".
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.
The husband says: "We've got to give it back".
She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going from door-to-door in the neighbourhood looking for the money show up at their home.
One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
She says: "No"..
The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down & begin to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school yesterday ..."
At this, the FBI guy looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here .."
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9 Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."
Senior Campbell's - New Large Type Alphabet Soup.
I must be getting older . . .
All the names in my phone book end with M.D.
I am not old.
I am chronologically gifted.
Florida . . . God's Waiting Room.
At my age flowers scare me.
I am so old that . . .
whenever I eat out,
they ask me for money up front.
I am so old that . . .
all my friends in heaven
will think I didn't make it.
Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.
One good thing about Alzheimers,
you get to meet new people everyday.
Keep Grandma off the streets.
Any day above ground is a good one.
Retirement - Twice as much husband, half as much money.
My wife always gives me sound advice.
99% Sound . . . 1% Advice
I hope I spelled AARP correct.
Good morning everyboomie.
Is it the day before tomorrow, or the day after yesterday??
I guess that depends on whether I'm looking forward or backward. :rolleyes:
I think normally we all tend to look longingly backwards to the last weekend until about hump day, and then start to turn our gaze forward with anticipation toward the next weekend.
I'm half way through my week. Well after today I am.
That's the problem right there.
I don't know whether to look forward or backwards, so I'm just going to call it.................today.
Time is one of my favorite subjects.
I talk about time all the time.
Now I guess it's time I get this rambling posted so I can get ready for whatever it is I'm gonna do after I post this.
I think maybe I'll call it bed time.
Sometimes I wish it was bed time all the time.
I hope you all have a good time today