Thanks for all of your good wishes and, yes, I do have many fond memories. I do hope that, at some point in the future, he and I will be able to be friends. Even after court, when going to the bank to take care of a transaction, he shared info re: a private joke and had me laughing. It may be that we'll enjoy each other's company more now that we're not married. He comes across as a sweet, kind, caring man which he is yet there are conditions that I didn't understand/realize until much later in our marriage.
Sorta, I feel sad that 2 divorces have left you feeling as tho you failed. Remember, that it takes two. If you've not been able to figure out what went wrong, maybe it wasn't you. Being by myself for the first time in my life has been heaven since I don't have to answer or compromise, consider any one else but me. My diet has changed drastically since I can decide wht I want to eat and when. Not always the most nutritious but I'm giving myself that leeway for now. Ironically, picking up after him was never an issue nor was I a 'sports wife'. Compared to him I'm a slob, which I'm not, just more relaxed. I don't have a problem with people visiting if I haven't cleaned up so everything is brand spanking shiny, etc. Our problem issues derived from lack of substantial communitation. We tried everything until he stopped cooperating and it became obvious he was doing many things just to pacify me. Not the kind of man/relationship I want. Things started to disintegrate about 2 yrs ago when my mom was experiencing her own death journey. It took her 6 months and I felt little support from him. I guess he just didn't have it to give after having spent 7 yrs dealing with his own mom's slow decline which I helped him with all the way. I've come to understand that after living almost 30 yrs with my dad, a verbally abusive alcoholic; tho I didn't realize it at the time, I married the opposite, a quiet man with food issues which I later came to understand is another kind of abuse, that of silence. So, now, the only voice I listen to is my heart, and those who support rather than negatively question or cut me down for my ideas and/or feelings.
Yet, it doesn't hurt any less. Tomorrow, I meet the movers at the resident I give to my ex and my belongings will be relocated to a storage facility until I find my next home.
I look forward to living with my own decor and making a home just for me to embrace who I am without parents, family and church. Visitors are most welcome.
Life's a puzzle; one piece at a time.