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#855141 - 12/09/12 11:36 PM Monday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29992
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
[Memory is] a man's real possession...In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.
Alexander Smith (1830 - 1867)

think Funny, I don't remember asking his opinion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.

The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"

The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Problem of Problems
A young couple decided to wed.

As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.

Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.

"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.

That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off.

Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "I think you've swallowed my sock!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad News, Good News, Great News
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."

"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be Politically Correct With Women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


Be Politically Correct With Men
He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a [blip] DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12

Another Monday has snuck up on us.

This particular Monday is supposed to do it's best impersonation of a Thursday for me, and it had better do a good job by golly or I'll send it back to calender school. mad12

Actually I'm much more concerned about Wednesday and Thursday doing a good impression of Saturday and Sinday.

oops I meant Sunday. lol12

Although it probably is more like Sinday if I'm not in church. blush

HEY! Have you seen the new Hobbit movie previews? santadance

It has been way too long since LOTR ended, and I can't wait to see the new one, and actually they are turning them into 3 movies. penguin

I think Peter Jackson movies are hobbit forming. snicker

Well kiddies once again I feel like I've been cast in a Cinderella movie as the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

That means I'm veeerry sslleeeppyy.

Y'all have a happy day okie dokie?

joe



This diner comes with a money back guarantee.

Try it for 30 days and if you're not completely satisfied return it for a full refund.

I'll even refund shipping cost.

Keep smiling.




Edited by gymcandy1 (12/09/12 11:40 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#855152 - 12/10/12 02:40 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7617
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave12
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#855159 - 12/10/12 03:39 AM Re: Monday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6032
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula wave12It's rainy here and cold so I'll get the coffee brewing for who ever needs to warm up shiverEnjoy the day all sherlock
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#855163 - 12/10/12 04:57 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17026
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave12 Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling! grin12 Haroula enjoy your day. penguin Cailyn it's cold and rainy here too. shiver Hot coffee is perfect! thumbsup12 Thank you. Happy Day wished for all! wave12
_________________________
Gerry

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#855165 - 12/10/12 05:15 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5358
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave12

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#855174 - 12/10/12 07:34 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8031
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's foggy and warm here, 10 degrees above normal. It sure doesn't feel like Christmas. Would someone like to send some of their snow, please? To all here and all who follow, have a Great start to the new week. Danish, Waffles, Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. santa
_________________________
Connie

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#855177 - 12/10/12 08:02 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14340
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, the Diner is too cool to refund!

Haroula, good morning!

Cailyn, coffee sounds goo. I'm getting sick of this rain.

Gerry, guess it would be quite a bit of snow if not for the rain.

Venus hi and bye!

Connie, wished I could send you some snow but we're in a rain pattern. Warmer than usual weather in the East here too. Danish sounds inviting.

Got to make a trip to Pet-Co later today. No dog walkint this morning. Nina hates the rain!
_________________________
Gail

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#855186 - 12/10/12 08:31 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave12

It's foggy/cloudy here and 61F. Which is good for me because I have to walk to the lab this morning for some fasting lab tests. (Don't you hate those?) I will be getting in my exercise today! yes

Good news! My nephew has come through for me and I will be able to get to my doctor's office (the cardiologist) this afternoon. (I have no car). They have also agreed to take me to my other 2 appointments this week. On Wednesday I have to do a Stress Test. scared Then Friday I go back to see the cardiologist.

So a scary week, but at least I'm dealing with my problems. No caffeine or decaf tomorrow 24 hrs prior to my stress test. The thought of going without my diet coke for a whole day - 2 days really because I won't be able to have any till after the test (3 to 4 hrs).

Well I have lots of anxiety now that is purely about going without my diet coke for so long. I'll get by somehow. whistle

Monday, Monday. Time to get this show on the road. Enjoy your day! happydance12

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#855198 - 12/10/12 08:50 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   sick
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14919
Loc: Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a great start to the week. wave12
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#855227 - 12/10/12 10:01 AM Re: Monday's [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9337
Loc: Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Monday and keep smiling!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#855287 - 12/10/12 12:58 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64736
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I woke at 7, went back to bed for a few minutes and woke at 9. lol12 I guess I needed more sleep.

I am still in cleaning mode and finishing up shopping and have top decorate the house still. Our family Christmas is at my house on Saturday so there is always lots to do.

Joe, thanks for the morning chuckles.

Darlene, safe skooshing.

manxman, do you have snow yet?

Sharon, I am so happy you can get your tests your done. Do yourself a favor and don't drink the pop when you get done with the test. I quit cold turkey last Dec 2nd after a 10-12 can a day habit. Life is better without it.

Gail, poor Nina. My boys won't go in the yard in the rain, but if I take them out to run, theydo not care.

Connie, Chicago just broke the record for the longest amount of days without snow in the history of weather keeping. I have none to send to you.

Venus, hope work goes well.

Gerry and Sue, stay dry!

Haroula wave12

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#855304 - 12/10/12 02:13 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Everyone. My Mum, who is 92, was sick yesterday so I was running back and forth all day. Scared me as she is almost never sick but she is much herself again today, yay!! Oh SharonB, Ana is so right. I drank Diet Coke forever and then quit cold turkey and now I am a water drinker and feel much better. I wish I could share our well water with everyone as it is the best!! That did make it easier. Off to do some Christmas cards. Have a great day everyone and Happy Gaming!! wave12
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#855313 - 12/10/12 03:10 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2059
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Brrrr cold today and tonight predicted 21!! What in south central Texas? Remember all turn on your water and cover your plants.

Still trudging around Cyrodiil in rusty armor because my poor hero is only a 4. This will be the 5th time I'm playing this game. I've finished battlefield bad company 2 -it's a good game, a shooter, and you get to do lotsa different things and like bad company 1 it ends with humor.

Ana, it was 9 AM befor I rolled out of too. So good sleeping in when the house is cold. Oh Springtime hurry.

Good gaming all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#855316 - 12/10/12 03:14 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7173
Loc: San Diego, CA
Started out at 45 degrees this morning. It's now 73! Gonna be a weird one. They said a cold Santa Ana wind should be starting by 2 pm and cause major fire warnings. Hope we don't have anyone starting brush fires, it would all come this way with the wind change.

Empty house across is now with the Snake and Son waiting and waiting. 3 hours now doing not much. I really think they are waiting for the 'city inspector' to come sign off on the yard cleanup. Can't figure out any other reason to sit around with a truck and a car and two guys doing nothing for all this time. I see some 'papers' in the Snake's pocket, might be right. Hope something happens soon. I'm tired of spying on them. sherlock
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#855324 - 12/10/12 03:45 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9479
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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