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#856473 - 12/14/12 09:07 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32196
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
"Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life."
Ludwig van Beethoven

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch.

The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals"
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch?"
"A sea gull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, " was my first day with the hook."

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"

The bartender asks "so which one died?"

"No one."

"But you only ordered two drinks!"

"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.

Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?'

'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night.

He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."

The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and we don't serve his kind around here."

"Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up."

The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn't help noticing the bruising under his chin. What is that all about?"

The engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."

THAT was a funny joke. snicker

Good morning everyboomie! 

Don't you just love Mondays?

They really make you love the rest of the week. taz

Ya still gotta get past that sucker though.

Well Friday was MY Monday, and I got past it. Yaaaaa! penguin

On to my Tuesday, which is no problemo, because after my Tuesday I get to skip all the way to Friday. santadance

For you guys though it's "Welcome to the weekend!" woot

Only 10 more shopping days till Christmas. I hope you've all gotten your shopping over and done with. I was in Walmart today and it wasn't pretty. shocked

There's a reason I haven't wished anybody a Merry Christmas yet. duh12

On the bright side, I haven't yelled "BAH HUM BUG!!" at anybody yet either. snicker

I have, and always will, wish you all a happy matter what.


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/14/12 09:11 PM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#856483 - 12/14/12 11:07 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75379
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol12 Thanks for the chuckles Joe! It's Christmas Round 1 here today and I will have a full house of people and dogs.

If you can, give someone you love a hug today, it'll make you both feel better. hearts Sending a virtual hug to you all.

Have a happy day!

Ana happydance12
Don't feed the Trolls

#856501 - 12/15/12 02:42 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana wave12Ana I'm sending a virtual hug right back at you and all boomers,coffee is on puppy
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#856503 - 12/15/12 02:55 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Sue and all wave12
Today we have a party for hubby to celebrate
his name day santadance
A lot to do so...have all a happy day santa

Edited by Haroula (12/15/12 07:27 AM)
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#856511 - 12/15/12 05:06 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
A party what fun Haroula presents12 santa
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#856513 - 12/15/12 05:44 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: cailyn]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2315
Loc: Switzerland
Hi my Boomer friends wave12

Celebration also here: this is my 2000th post on GB - WooHoooooo bravo12

Ana, Joe, Sue, Haroula and all who come in after me will get a big bear hug from me!

Very busy with winter and holiday-problems of parents and MIL and I'am really happy to see the back of Switzerland by mid next week. Will drive to Italy again and stay there till January 13.
Not much Holiday feeling here help

Ana: I wish you a super Christmas-Round1 evening today with your family!

I will go to the piano concert of my best friend, Andrea Kauten, tonight. She's playing Liszt and Beethoven. Maybe I can relax a bit in hearing my preferred classical pieces.

Wishing you all a happy and joyous day!

"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

#856515 - 12/15/12 05:49 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22799
Loc: Marlborough USA
catrub Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn, Haroula and Gimli. Hope it's a peaceful day for all. catrub

#856516 - 12/15/12 05:52 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15613
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Work early today. Split shift today through Tuesday. I'll be busy. Have a good day. Still sending prayers to all the families who lost their children.
Midgie hearts
Just do it.

#856522 - 12/15/12 06:29 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7742
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave12 It's time for an unnatural Saturday work whoosh. lol12 At least it's a short day.

Hope everyone here has a terrific weekend. wave12
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#856525 - 12/15/12 07:11 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
JennyP Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/22/04
Posts: 14334
Loc: West London, UK
Morning all, the worst Christmas possible for those poor families.
Hope everyone else is having a good time.
Off to have a swim then get ready for party in the pub ...
Oh, some good news I can now get into a size 12 with room to spare - thats a USA size 10 !!!!
All I need now is a boyfriend to appreciate the weight reduction, 11 years alone is 10 1/2 years too long ...
When in doubt, cuddle a catcatrub

#856526 - 12/15/12 07:12 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Wishing each and everyone a wonderful Saturday!

Prayers out to all the families in Connecticut. News has been very upsetting to my girls also.

Ana a virtual hug out to you also. hearts

Need coffee, be back later. wave12

#856527 - 12/15/12 07:14 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10259
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hugs for Ana and all my Gameboomer family. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Omelets, Muffins, and Fruit cups in the NC. santa

#856530 - 12/15/12 08:17 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. I still can't shake what happened yesterday. sick
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#856579 - 12/15/12 01:26 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs! Hope work is over before you know it.

Ana.....HUGS!!! Enjoy the day with family today!! May there be loads of fun and laughter!!

wave12 Cailyn, Gerry, venus, Midge, Haroula, Gail, Connie, Space have a wonderful start to the weekend!!

Evelyne enjoy your friends concert tonight. Sounds like it should be some nice music to listen to and relax!!

WooHoo Jenny on the size fitting!!! Keep up the good work. Have loads of fun at the pub tonight!!

It is raining out there today. Looking like it will be not so nice if the temp drops. It could get a bit slippery!!


#856598 - 12/15/12 02:55 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9564
Loc: San Diego, CA
COLD! Dry wind from the desert but spats of rain. How can it be DRY when it's wet? I will never figure out that one.

Sidewalk project is still in full swing. They worked in the rain yesterday. I'm amazed. Got almost one whole side of the block dug out and ready for the cement forms. Lots of missing walls, and a few will still have to get concrete and asphalt driveways removed to the property line. Seems that side of the street never bothered to check their deeds and built out on 'city property'. So now they are losing about 10 feet of frontage. Lots of really permanent structures were trashed. I'm sure they are NOT amused. Forgot to check on one nice large tree. Hope they save it but it looks like it's right at the edge of the sidewalk. Hummm. Will check tomorrow.

If anyone has warm weather, send it my way, I'm hugging the wall heater!
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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