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#857333 - 12/18/12 07:52 PM Wonderous Wednesday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30150
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
Albert Einstein
~~~~~~~~~~

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!" Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you this time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect
salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!" The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?" Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?" The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train." The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued "I got this dog for my wife." The Private simply said, "Good trade, Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.
The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that darned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied:
"I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm sure by the time you've finished reading all those jokes you'll be tired of reading, so I'll just say good morning all & have a happy day.

If you believe that, I've got some property for sale I'd like to show you. wink12

Any takers?

No it's NOT a swamp! It just has a minor drainage problem.

That can easily be remedied with a little ditch......about 20 feet deep & all the way around it.

You'll be the only one in the neighborhood with your very own privacy moat.

You can keep out door to door salesmen and those relentlessly pesky relatives. Just keep the draw bridge up.

Stupid danged old cows can't get in the yard either. What more could you ask for? duh12

You'll be the envy of the neighborhood with that kind of security. sherlock

Your nearest neighbor will be 53.45 miles away though. snicker

It's not a city. It's the Office of the Interior.......attached to a bait shop........which also doubles as a Justice of the Peace…………and a post office.

There you go. Back to that privacy benefit. happydance12

There's lots of wildlife too.

Mosquitoes, chiggers, ticks, snakes, spiders, and cute little swamp rats. Oops! I meant field mice. Cute little mice. Just to name a few.

We’re having a open house Sunday.

I mean an “open moat.” blush

I’ll be serving all you can eat, fresh, batter dipped & deep fried calf fries. grin12

Have a happy day you all.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#857335 - 12/18/12 08:03 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9714
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Thanks for the laughs Joe.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#857338 - 12/18/12 08:16 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7410
Loc: San Diego, CA
Decided to take a long drive to the Casino today to use up my 'free' money from them. Looked carefully at the local weather reports for here and up there 1 1/2 hour drive away. Reports said no rain, just cloudy. I should have checked the areas in between! Got halfway there and it poured and poured so hard that freeway traffic slowed down to 20 mph! Could hardly see and it was not fun. Next time, I will be sure it's a day that has no chance of rain. Wow.

Police were in front of my house just before we left. Had a young man in handcuffs. Turns out it was something to do with the infamous Apartments! Young gal came out and hugged him and they snuggled and kissed and the policeman finally let him out of handcuffs and he walked off without the gal. I'm thinking it's a 'parent' thing with the gal being the daughter of the owners who don't like the guy and probably have a restraining order against him being there. We saw those two yesterday down the street a few houses just snuggling near a car for a long time. Young love. smirk
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#857348 - 12/18/12 08:43 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65747
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for the chuckles Joe. I bet my dogs would like the property. They just got done chasing Polly Possum across my yard. Slowest animals ever, no wonder they faint.

SpaceQ, have a great day!

Sorta, I get free money in the mail too from our casino. I take it your trip was unsuccessful?

Have a happy day everyone! I'll be in the corner after Zumba.

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#857353 - 12/18/12 09:30 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7410
Loc: San Diego, CA
Yeah Ana, my Casino trips are usually non productive except for the fun I have. I just lose all the money I plunk into the machines. My friend wins like crazy. Oh well. WE do have an agreement that if either of us wins 1000 or over we split it half and half. We have yet to do that, but ya never know.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#857357 - 12/18/12 10:10 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14743
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Boomies. Just checking to see who's here. Thanks Joe for opening for us. Hi SQFan, Sorta, Anakissy12 and all who come in. See you on the flip side. Night all.

Midige hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#857361 - 12/18/12 10:31 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13230
Loc: Palouse country
Nice arrowhead, Joe. Have you seen "The Hobbit" yet?

Midgie, prayers for travel safety and hope you have a wonderful visit. Gentle hugs to your Mom.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#857364 - 12/18/12 11:02 PM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65747
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, my sister is a winner too. Me...not so much. lol12

Midgie, safe travels and big hugs to your mom.

Trippy, I'm not a wrestling fan either but I am glad you enjoy it. Have a happy day!

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#857373 - 12/19/12 02:36 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 935
Loc: Delaware, USA
Hello Gameboomers!

It's 2:20 in the am, haven't been to bed yet. I've been fasting since midnight and I hate it. I'm already thirsty. (Psychological I know. slapforehead)

In the afternoon I go for my procedure. I shouldn't worry, but I do anyway. sad I don't even know if I'm going to get there. Haven't heard from the person who is supposed to take me. I'll call in the morning and see what's going on.

Please keep your fingers crossed that I can come home the same day.

How's the head Ana? How's the apartment Midge? That's great about the arrow head Joe. Unfortunately I can't see it. My computer won't take me to that site.

All Boomers have a great day! holidays

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#857375 - 12/19/12 02:54 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: SharonB]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Wonderous morning everybody hearts

Sharon: I'am thinking of you! HUGS

Joe: help I can't see your newest head. I'am not on facebook (any longer). Can you show the head also to nonFB-people please? I'am curious...

Ana: how's your head doing? Sending kisses your way!

Midge: save travels! I need the Band only tomorrow.

To all aready in the Diner and to all who follow: have a happy day. I have to run a few errands and have to run to town again for my parents, afternoon free so far.... but who knows....

Hugs!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#857379 - 12/19/12 03:11 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: Gimli]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 935
Loc: Delaware, USA
Thanks Gimli! That must be why I can't view Joe's arrowhead either. I used to belong to FaceBook, but I cancelled it.

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#857380 - 12/19/12 03:19 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8089
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,rainy and colod day. winter
Hubby open to check the engine of the car and
what did he see think eek12 an egg among the
cables of the car woozy
Strange thing it was a chicken's egg. lol12
The problem is we dont have chickens woozy12

Have all a great day santadance


Edited by Haroula (12/19/12 03:20 AM)
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#857391 - 12/19/12 04:32 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17608
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave12 Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Sorta, Midge, 3db, SharonB,Gimli, Haroula, and Cailyn. Coffee is on. Hope you all have a nice day! wave12
_________________________
Gerry

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#857397 - 12/19/12 05:14 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: Kaki's Sister]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30150
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave12

Here you go Evie.

I hope you all have a great day.

See you after 2:00. woot

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#857401 - 12/19/12 06:35 AM Re: Wonderous Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14783
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the pic. I don't have a facebook either.

Morning Space, Ana, Sorta, Trippy, Sharon, Haroula, Evelyne, and everyone.

Midgie, say hi to your Mom for me.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee, maybe Cailyn got a chance to sleep in this morning.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! Will walk the dogs this morning then see what the day holds in store. wave12
_________________________
Gail

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